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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

what is a reasonable time for dh to get home?

139 replies

rabster · 05/07/2007 10:21

I think my judgement has been obscured by hormones...

Just asking you lot what you consider to be a reasonable time to get home from work on a daily basis, when there is a 4mo baby at home?

This is a source of contention between me and dh. His hours are 9 - 5.30, yet he seems to work 8.30 - 6 most days. So he sees ds for 30 mins in morning and sometimes at night too. Often he will get home as I am settling ds for bed - if I waited any longer he would be screaming through tiredness. Some days he doesnt see ds at all in the evening.

Now I know he has to work, and that some people do much longer hours, but isnt it reasonable to expect him to work his expected hours and then get home asap? Or am I too hormoinal? I dont need suggestions about letting him work late sometimes / wqork at home etc, just an opinion:

what do you consider a reasonable time to get home on a regular basis?

OP posts:

Anna8888 · 05/07/2007 18:12

God, I don't think those hours sound unreasonable.

My partner leaves the house just before 8am and gets back in the evening between 7.30 and 8pm and that's fabulous compared to most men I know. He does lots with the children, even after a long day at work, and hardly expects any time off at the weekend - he usually plays tennis on Sundays, so is out for about 3 hours on his own, but spends all the rest of the time with us. He does manage to sneak some time for himself during the working week, but that's fine by me.

Yesterday I was talking to a girlfriend whose partner never gets home before 9pm and often much, much later, and he always works for part of the weekend. As she said "That's the price I pay for the lifestyle I lead" .

christywhisty · 05/07/2007 18:16

Would love DH to come home before 10!

He does work from home of Friday now so we do get a family meal together then.Also he has been away a bit lately so don't see him that much

NoodleStroodle · 05/07/2007 18:17

On the same day that he left

Oblomov · 05/07/2007 18:22

I read with interest. My dh thinks it is the norm to leave late.

SweetyDarling · 05/07/2007 18:26

My DH has to be in the office by 8am and if he is home by 9.00 it is really exciting. Often much later. Normally works part of the weekend too.
My friend's DH is a lawyer and often doesn't make it home (they have bunk beds in the office), so I'm not complaining!

essbeehindyou · 05/07/2007 18:28

Message withdrawn

LyraB · 05/07/2007 18:31

My DP doesn't get home till 7.30pm at the earliest each day.
When our first DS was tiny he used to go to bed at about 9pm so DP could see him after work (he made up for it with extra sleep during the day). This didn't change till he started nursery and had to be up earlier in the morning.
Could you not delay his bedtime a bit if your DH really can't leave work earlier?

nooka · 05/07/2007 18:46

I think it's not unreasonable to expect your dh to make a big effort to come home if you are finding it difficult because you are shattered from broken nights etc. However once you are through that bit (if you are in a good routine at 4mths then hats off to you - my two certainly weren't asleep for the night that early that young!). If you have all settled to a reasonable routine then I think his hours are probably fairly reasonable (certainly fairly normal) also if all his colleagues are single and childless then it proably is quite hard for him to be the only person stopping "early".

I'd start with getting him always to send you a text when he gets on the trian/gets in the car to come home. I would keep to the routine that works for you and ds - your dh should try and work around that, not the other way around. Oh, and definately see if you can go for the weekend "daddy time" it is a really good way to develop a good relationship between him and the baby, and to give you some time off.

Peachy · 05/07/2007 19:03

fio the ones who can do the school runa re like my dh on night shifts or a shift pattern (Dh works 13 hour dys 4 days out ofe very 8)

LyraB · 05/07/2007 19:27

Mumzarello, just seen your post and i entirely agree. it makes no difference to a baby whether their routine is 7am-7pm or 9am-9pm.
this obviously changes as they get older.

nightowl · 05/07/2007 19:51

sorry, not helpful but LOL at morespamthanglam for saying "its like being a single parent"

its really not, trust me

sorry, i'll feck off now...hate these threads..cant say anything constructive.

Kewcumber · 06/07/2007 22:29

I've already pointed that out, but have kept my head down since (though do agree its not terribly helpful to OP)

barney2 · 06/07/2007 22:34

8.30 - 6??? Blimey. That's not exactly a terribly long day is it? My dh is out at work from 7am till gone 7pm and I've two kids at home who rarely see their Dad and would love to share with him what they've done at school etc....

If my DH worked from 8.30am to 6pm I wouldn't be moaning about it! I'd think myself quite fortunate!

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 07/07/2007 18:51

I wish my hubby only worked those hours - he leaves the house at 6:30am and doesn't get back until gone 8:00pm. He never sees dd in the week and often doesn't see me as its sometimes gone 9:00pm when he gets back and I'm tired and have gone to bed.

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