what is a reasonable time for dh to get home?

[rabster]

I think my judgement has been obscured by hormones...

Just asking you lot what you consider to be a reasonable time to get home from work on a daily basis, when there is a 4mo baby at home?

This is a source of contention between me and dh. His hours are 9 - 5.30, yet he seems to work 8.30 - 6 most days. So he sees ds for 30 mins in morning and sometimes at night too. Often he will get home as I am settling ds for bed - if I waited any longer he would be screaming through tiredness. Some days he doesnt see ds at all in the evening.

Now I know he has to work, and that some people do much longer hours, but isnt it reasonable to expect him to work his expected hours and then get home asap? Or am I too hormoinal? I dont need suggestions about letting him work late sometimes / wqork at home etc, just an opinion:

what do you consider a reasonable time to get home on a regular basis?

My DH leaves home at 8.30 in the morning and is home by 7pm at night.
Over the years my DD1 has just had later sleeping times.
When she was a baby and i was a full-time SAHM , my husband would get up first and we would stay in bed until 9.30am and during the day she would have a 2hr nap just after lunch and then we would all have our dinner together at 7pm and bed by 8.30-9pm.
It worked well for us, as if DD1 had gone to bed at 7pm her dad would hardly see her.
Now DD1 is 5yrs old and going to school i just make sure she and her sister (2.5yrs) have their tea by 5pm then i sit down to dinner with DH at 7pm or if i'm working that evening i'll have mine and put his in the oven for later.
So basically he comes home, i go out to work until 11pm and he puts kids to bed by 8-8.30pm.
Works well for us and the girls sleep through the night... so far

flymachine - ikwym - i just think that sometimes work takes over peoples lives and sometimes we need to stop and think if things can change

we have less money now but are slightly saner and happier

My DH leaves at 8.40am and comes back at 6-6.30pm, tbh i do get quite stressed if he is later than that because I need another adult by then iykwim. He does moan sometimes that no other Dads help put their children to bed every night and that I am very lucky d*h**d

wow Toady - those are not bad hours! this morning, after a 'discussion' last night, dh left at 8.30, so started work at the proper time. I think he gradually starts gettin in earlier and getting home later, then I crack, we argue, then it settles down again.

Never thought of negotiating more holiday. Not at all sure what his boss would say - dh is quite high up, but can't IMAGINE them letting him off longer. though they did let him carry a large amount of holiday over from last year so he could have time off after the birth. Now that has got me thinking!

No I am quite 'lucky' really specially as he has just been promoted to middle management level.

Although he does moan sometimes, he is also sad that he only sees the children for 1/2 hour in the morning and 2 hours in the evening and I know that is a lot more than a lot of Dads. He also looks after them on a Saturday while I work and we spend the day together on a Sunday.

Rabster,
My dh works 130 miles away, and except for weekends, sees ds for about 20 mins on a monday morning, and a couple of hours on a Friday, and lives in a hotel the other 4 nights of the week.

It is the way we live, it is what pays the bills. I wish it were different, but more from the point of view that I can't sit down with a grown-up after ds has gone to bed.

I don't think there is any real problem with your dh not seeing the baby at night times, after all, as your child grows up bed-time will get later.

Ease off a bit, enjoy your 1-1 time with your baby.

I think sometimes we can get this 'enid blyton' type view of what family life should be like, but the real world is never like that.
And at least your dh isn't sloping off to the pub until 9 or 10 at night.

My DH helps out a lot, as on Saturdays i start work at 6.30am and i'm home by 1.30pm and then i have the whole house to myself... wonderfull until at least 6pm.

My father, a doctor, did baths and bed time stories virtually every night nad came home to lunch with us at mid day. Usualyl he would read to my brother or play chess and mmy mother read to my sister and me but it varied over the years.

Yes, the more senior people are the easier it can be in some jobs to get the hours you need although not always. Sometimes you have to set an example and some men and women lie to their partner about whey they are late. I used to work with one man who would quite regularly play snooker at lunch time with a friend and then at 5 get back down to work and we'd have calls (I shared a room with him) from his stay at home wife who was really fed up - she used to be quite high up in advertising and was not the unpaid slave that is the housewife... etc... and she'd call up and he'd be lying through his teeth about urgent work or tacking extra nights on to business trips to hong kong so he had a few more child free nights. It's endemic.

xenia......right with you 'till the 'unpaid slave thing', then yawned and gave up reading.

yada.. yada.. yada...

What about SAHDs. Are they slaves too?

I suppose part-time workers like me are bonded labourers?

I think it's like when a toddler gets a new word and is so proud they use it all the time. Currently my ds like the word 'colourful.'

'Your dress is very colourful mummy.'
'That buterfly has very ^colourful wings.'

xenia has learned the word 'slavery' and is so excited she feels she needs to use it at all oportunities.

DH is an NHS consultant. He is away 7am-6pm most days (that includes travel), but 1 day a week he's home at 7:30pm. Every 5th week he's on call 24 hours a day for 5 days, as well as every 5th w/e. 1 night/week he goes in after bathtime to catch up on paperwork.

Sucks. And I just hate the way everyone assumes he does private work. Like he has any fucking time for that.

Of course, Xenia would accuse me of living off my man, doormat that I am.

Haven't read whole thread but I would be ecstatic if dh saw dd for an hour a day ! DH is gone by the time dd gets up and home after she's gone to bed - often in fact after I've gone to bed.

I don't think many people actually work a 'normal' 9-5 type day anymore do they ??

You foten see housewives polarised over this - some are cross their husbands work long hours and some realise it's the price you pay for keeping a reasonably well paid job and are grateful for his efforts earning money for the family. I wonder what puts people into which category?

I don't think it can be divided like that quite so easily - I realise its the way to for DH to keep and succeed in his job whilst allowing me to sit around drinking coffee with my friends all day planning exotic holidays.

It works for us .

Actually I get cross about it but realise its the way of the world these days, having been there myself until I became an unpaid slave.

I can't feel cross with DH as he has very little choice over the way he works. But I guess that's a vocational career for you . In my line of work, it's unheard of to work PT. The last thing I would want to do is have the sprogs suffer so that DH and I can stubbornly have the careers we want.

my dh doesnt usually get back till 7.30pm and is away 1 to 2 nights a week . He is hopeless if he gets home earlier as he doesnt actually do anything helpful and just gets under foot. On the rare occasions i work late and he has to feed dd who is 4 and put her to bed ,i know what she had for tea because its still all over her face the next morning .

rabster, I really think it depends on the persons job, etc...!
My dh is in the armed forces and there are, generally, no regular hours for him....nothing he can change, so, no amount of nagging from my side would change anything, iykwim

I like 'unpaid slave', cos there ARE times when a slave would be paid ;)