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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cake-gate

127 replies

LellowYedbetter · 16/02/2019 23:27

DS got a cake for his 18th. He’s not been home to see it cut (he does live here). He’s coming back tomorrow. DSS2 is here this weekend and wants some. I have said to DS to come home tomorrow morning so that DSS can get some cake before he goes home. I then said to DH that DSS2 can take some home for DSS1 (and his mum if he wants to) as it will get wasted otherwise. DH immediately said “no it’s ok”. I said “it will only go to waste that’s all ...” to which DH said “I don’t understand why you create so much drama around cake? It’s like as soon as a cake appears, you go into military mode ... it’s all stress and precision ... it’s weird ... “

So am I being a weird cunt or what? I don’t get what I did wrong?

OP posts:
BartonHollow · 16/02/2019 23:32

I can appreciate why you would want your 18 year old to see his cake and maybe take a photo before it is distributed among siblings.

I don't think YABU unless you have regular form for stressing about minor things, though an 18th is important to mark

Doobydoobeedoo · 16/02/2019 23:33

"DSS2 is here this weekend and wants some."

Tough. It's not his cake.

" I then said to DH that DSS2 can take some home for DSS1 (and his mum if he wants to) as it will get wasted otherwise."

It's not your cake to give away.

I'm with your DH. Just leave it be.

Somethingsmellsnice · 16/02/2019 23:34

It is DS's cake. Surely you aren't going to cut it up before he gets back.

I see where your DH is coming from. Why all the discussion about it? DS will have it when he gets back. Not sure why you are giving it away to others when it is his.

ivykaty44 · 16/02/2019 23:35

I’d think it odd for the 18 year old to get a birthday cake that already had three portions taken out of. So make them wait

Fatasfook · 16/02/2019 23:36

Step away from the cake

ivykaty44 · 16/02/2019 23:36

How old is DSS2 because it’s really irrelevant?

CheddarAndCrackers · 16/02/2019 23:38

What sort of cake? Wink

LLOE7 · 16/02/2019 23:38

Just because you paid for it doesn't mean you get to dictate who gets some. Wait for your ds to come home to cut it and he can decide if he wants to share with his dsb and their mum.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/02/2019 23:38

It’s DS cake. He gets to decide what happens to it. No one gets any before he does.

Also, life is too short to fight over cake.

ChakiraChakra · 16/02/2019 23:38

You definitely can't cut the cake at all before he's there.

And it IS his cake to share or not as he sees fit.

dinkydolphin · 16/02/2019 23:40

Don't be so weird about it. The cakes belongs to the birthday boy. No matter who wants a piece of it it's not yours to give away. Tough for whoever wants a bit.

Just leave it. It doesn't need to be organised in such a panicky manner.

SneakyGremlins · 16/02/2019 23:41

I hope you're fine with your birthday cake being given away before you get any.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/02/2019 23:43

Why has DS got a cake at home for his birthday when he's not home to even see it? Surely it'll be stale by the time he gets some

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 16/02/2019 23:43

Leave the cake alone, it's his cake.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 16/02/2019 23:44

She just asked her son to come in the morning rather than later so DSS2 could have some before he goes home i presume.(no intention of cutting it without son)
I also expect that after 18 years of bdays and cakes she'll know how big the cake is and if there would be more than enough to give away.

Is your DH miffed you didn't agree to give some to DSS some straight away? Otherwise his reaction is werd.

Lovewineandchocs · 16/02/2019 23:46

DS got a cake for his 18th. He’s not been home to see it cut (he does live here). He’s coming back tomorrow. DSS2 is here this weekend and wants some. I have said to DS to come home tomorrow morning so that DSS can get some cake before he goes home

I don’t think the OP is trying to give away cake before her DS gets some, she’s just trying to make sure he cuts it, gets a photo etc before DSS goes home, so he can have some. I’d expect a cake to be shared with family when cut, and DSS1 should probably get some as well, but maybe see what your DS says/how much is left over, don’t stress about it right now. In our extended family, people are always given cake to take home with them, it’s clearly not the same for everyone though?

Tigger001 · 16/02/2019 23:46

Surely it's your sons cake for him to decide what to do with. An no DSD2 should keep their mitts off until your son returns. You just don't mess around when it comes to something as important as cake, if anyone took a slice of mine they would know about it 😉😉

MardyMavis · 16/02/2019 23:47

So he's obviously out partying or whatever celebrating his 18th...and you have told him to be back in the morning just so he can give some to his sb...cos I'm sure he will be up bright and early for that one!

Original poster
LellowYedbetter · 16/02/2019 23:48

Well I didn’t know that DS would bugger off on his birthday for 3 days ... I assumed he would want to cut his cake before disappearing.

DSS2 is 20 but autistic so mentally about 12.

Anyway I take on board the replies, I’m being weird. I’ll accept that and just wait for DS to come home, I just know the cake is going to be wasted that’s all. It serves 12 people and there are only 3 of us living here. Never mind.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/02/2019 23:49

to which DH said “I don’t understand why you create so much drama around cake? It’s like as soon as a cake appears, you go into military mode ... it’s all stress and precision ... it’s weird ... “

I think you need to explain the 'as soon as a cake appears' bit.

What's happened in the past to make him think this?

MardyMavis · 16/02/2019 23:50

Ahh so it's sat there for 3 days?... fuck him then if you paid for it.

Original poster
LellowYedbetter · 16/02/2019 23:51

His birthday was on the 14th. It’s not the morning after I’m asking him to come home early! He’s been gone for days! I just don’t like wasting food, that’s all.

OP posts:
amilosingitor · 16/02/2019 23:51

I don't actually think you're being weird - I think the replies on here are weird! Tbh I wouldn't mind betting DS doesn't give a toss about the cake (I get the impression he's already been presented with the cake? Just buggered off before cutting it/having any?) none issue, I whip the kids cakes away as soon as we've done happy birthday and all that jazz to cut up and give out so what's the difference (I say this as a cake maker - nothing more painful than throwing it in the bin!!)

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 16/02/2019 23:51

I really want some cake now

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 16/02/2019 23:51

You're not weird , if at all possible try and make sure everyone gets some , and give some away rather than throwing it in the bin.
When it was DD's bday we gave some to her friends, I took dome into work, she took some into school, gave some to the neighbours abd still had loads left.
But don't stress too much about it either,it's just cake.