To not leave DD with batshit DM alone

[theymaynotmeantobuttheydo]

DM has no concept of danger and thinks nothing bad will ever happen to her. I often question how I survived my childhood with no physical injuries. Not a single broken bone or hospital visit...

There are (unconfirmed) rumours that she once gave my cousins 9 month old a sip of coke.

She lives localish to us and would have the kids DD6 and DD3 at the drop of the hat but I just don't trust her.. DH thinks I'm crazy as we could be off having a whale of the time but...

We use nursery for childcare.

I left DD3 for about 3 hours one morning as I had an adhoc work meeting and she put her in DS's forward facing booster seat for a non urgent car journey a mile away to collect something that could have waited. She "thought she was old enough to face forward now as she's big enough"

DD3 had a very minor scratch and I asked her to get some savlon and before i knew it she was applying some dodgy antibiotic cream to "take the redness away"
Oh when One DD was born she shoved some honey in her mouth at a few days old (some batshit cultural custom) before I could stop her. She has no boundaries. She can't be stopped or reasoned with. I had to insist she covered up her 6ft deep pond after she persisted with the fact I had never drowned in it as being a good enough reason to leave it.

My children need protecting from her. AIBU? I suspect not but DH thinks I am OTT!

As long as she is watching DD choosing the batteries but I understand your worries and her relaxed attitude would scare me a bit. What was years ago is different to what is now. She is a lot older now and mind isn't the same anymore.

Literally none of what you've put here screams 'batshit' to me. Maybe not what I would choose, but not deal breakers.

I guess if you're not comfortable with it, you're not comfortable with it, but I'm struggling to understand why you think your children need protecting from her and agree with your DH.

If she managed to keep you safe then she’s obviously aware that children need to be supervised around water

Again, she is a lot older now.

@Quartz2208 she buys antibiotics abroad and then self medicates.

My parents parents didn't hide anything from us when we were little. I can only presume we were trained like dogs and knew from birth what not to touch. I did, however, manage to cut my leg badly because DM and DD left glass on the floor.
Looking at them now I wouldn't want them to look after my children even for a few hours. They're tired and their mind isn't that sharp anymore.

There’s a bit of a difference between antibiotic tablets and antibiotic cream. The latter is very common in certain countries for scrapes, buts and burns. It’s not a big deal.

Particularly the US where it’s used as commonly as we use antiseptic cream

Honestly, she isn't the one that sounds batshit.

Be careful you don't project too much of your issues onto your children OP. Maybe spending time with your DM is a good balance for them

Can you elaborate more on your childhood with her? What was so bad that you're surprised you weren't harmed?

Nothing screams ‘I don’t understand how risk works’ than the extended rear facing crew.

I can’t help but feel a bit for them when I read another ‘but it’s ^safer^’ post

Yes antibiotic cream is basically the same as savlon here (us). I thought it was the same thing until my Irish mother in law insisted on buying it to take home and I realized it was different. It’s used on minor cuts etc

One of you is definitely batshit...👀👀👀

theymaynot - you come across as excessively anxious. I agree with your dh that you are OTT. Do you have a diagnosd anxiety disorder, or have you chosen phenomenally poor examples of things you think are batshit?

Can you elaborate @tenbob?

All I want to do is keep my child safe and everything I've read and discussed with people has indicated that rear facing is safer. I don't really want to be mocked for trying my best to keep my child safe...

OP, this was my childhood and My children's exposure to my DM is limited as I felt, like you, that I needed to be responsible for my DM. No child should ever feel like this!

She once told my 8year old a story about a burglar at the window (I was found the wised eyed 'please stop' look to he. This was said rat a time where my DH was going to be away on a work trip. I spent a week saying lovely things about a very safe house with a wonderful house alarm and motion sensors!

Go with your gut and your experience of being a child with this lady.

Giant children in rear facing car seats is ridiculous.

I think you’re the batshit one, OP

Only the pond seems dangerous, the car seat thing isn't a problem - my kids were front facing from 15 months as all were, unfortunately dd was involved in a motorway accident (60mph approx) and was absolutely fine! I think you are overplaying the dangerous dm thing!

ff vs RF is a matter of opinion.

It’s really not.

And to the person who said it didn’t make much difference.....it really does

i think i understand. everyone else is looking at these examples as one offs and thinking they could let them slide. i think the OP finds this wearing as it is all the time. ie little slips have now become a big thing.

the pond thing would drive me insane. my MIL has 2 ponds at her house. i stressed to her that she must watch my 18m at all times. they were out in the garden together and she decided to send my daughter into the house by herself, where she had to walk around the pond (tiny path about 1 ft wide). I was upstairs and rushed downstairs asap. my mil has never looked after my kids alone.

Also see

www.carseatadvice-uk.com/rear-facing-or-forward.html

I still say OP is not being unreasonable. I don’t suffer with an anxiety disorder and am a retired TA and health care assistant and think someone who doesn’t know button batteries are lethal, honey can make a baby seriously ill, children can drown in a pond in the seconds you’ve turned your back on them, shouldn’t be in sole charge of young children. What else might she thinks fine for them - sorting her high blood pressure tablets by colour, playing with the stuff in the tool box etc.

The batteries are not ideal because 3 y/o kids still put stuff in their mouths when the shouldn't but presumably she was supervising? The honey? A one-off that you told Her was wrong, so she hasn't done it again? (My youngest of 3 is 10 and the honey thing was news to me). The pond is a worry but although I can understand your concerns, I wouldn't necessarily consider her batshit. Just a bit less risk averse. So show her stats on ingested batteries and drownings and see how that goes? If she's adamant that she wants to do things her way and won't budge then that's a different matter. Oh and the rear facing seat thing is nit even worth getting wound up about.

And watch

m.youtube.com/watch?v=tuZFVPv3Rpk

I don't think she's batshit but I do think they're not respecting your parenting style.

My in-laws were a bit bemused by us insisting on rear facing if they get a car seat. Dd is 2. I'm sure they had conversations amongst themselves discussing how ott we are, but the point is there would never not do as we asked safety wise as they know that would be it, no more seeing dd without us around!