To not leave DD with batshit DM alone

[theymaynotmeantobuttheydo]

DM has no concept of danger and thinks nothing bad will ever happen to her. I often question how I survived my childhood with no physical injuries. Not a single broken bone or hospital visit...

There are (unconfirmed) rumours that she once gave my cousins 9 month old a sip of coke.

She lives localish to us and would have the kids DD6 and DD3 at the drop of the hat but I just don't trust her.. DH thinks I'm crazy as we could be off having a whale of the time but...

We use nursery for childcare.

I left DD3 for about 3 hours one morning as I had an adhoc work meeting and she put her in DS's forward facing booster seat for a non urgent car journey a mile away to collect something that could have waited. She "thought she was old enough to face forward now as she's big enough"

DD3 had a very minor scratch and I asked her to get some savlon and before i knew it she was applying some dodgy antibiotic cream to "take the redness away"
Oh when One DD was born she shoved some honey in her mouth at a few days old (some batshit cultural custom) before I could stop her. She has no boundaries. She can't be stopped or reasoned with. I had to insist she covered up her 6ft deep pond after she persisted with the fact I had never drowned in it as being a good enough reason to leave it.

My children need protecting from her. AIBU? I suspect not but DH thinks I am OTT!

Some people choose to rear face longer, most don't. It's preference, not "should".

Have you done any research on the subject? It is proven to be safer. Yes it's a preference but why would you prefer to not do something which has been proven to be safer for your child?

Yes it's a preference but why would you prefer to not do something which has been proven to be safer for your child?
Because the difference is pretty minor.

A 3 year old is fine in a FF car seat. The advice is until they are at least 2 and have reached the weight and height limit.

I wouldn’t have a 3 year old rear facing. My dgc were in the back forward facing in approved car seats from about 18 months or earlier.
The batteries I can understand but if the child was supervised it could be a sort of learning exercise.”Which batteries would fit here? Can you find 3 the same size?”

And I’m not saying the pond isn’t dangerous. It is. Just that ponds have always been dangerous. That’s one parenting thing that hasn’t changed over time. If she managed to keep you safe then she’s obviously aware that children need to be supervised around water

because the difference is pretty minor
Where have you read that? Contradicts everything I've read on the subject

Hindsight can be a brutal thing. But apart from the pond issue it seems like she’s a normal person to me. My parents still have a forward facing car seat. They only use it on trips down to the shops. Please find a therapist.
Can you afford childcare or not? My mom occasionally looks after DS and DD whilst I am at work. How big is the house? Do they have a fence or not? That may help you feel better. My next door neighbor had a pool on her property.
She was definitely cautious about her children using the pool alone when they were little. If it really does annoy you then you have to talk with her about all of your concerns.

@LLOE7
If they're rear facing until they're 8, where do their legs go?

I'm not being goody, I just can't see how it could be comfortable. Rear facing wasn't a thing when my children were young.

She doesnt sound batshit to me at all...

YABU and yes, it's you who sounds pretty batshit.

But surely it's one thing to use an appropriately selected forward facing car seat suitable for their age than just shove them in their big sisters car seat - that's not the same thing is it!

This isn't RR V FF...

I don’t think you’re batshit. I don’t think your DM is either but does have a worryIng lack of knowledge of what is dangerous.

I wouldn’t want a 3 year old thinking button batteries are ok things to play with. They can be pretty sensible but still have a moment of pottiness and put something mad in their mouths. Batteries are killers. My friends anaesthetist DH had a toddler die on the operating table after he swallowed one. The damage done to the poor child’s innards was catastrophic. Yes you can supervise a child but I’d not want to give them the idea that batteries are things they should be messing about with,

As a grandparent it’s important to keep up to date with current info about safe baby and childcare and to have basic first aid skills such as what to do if a child chokes on something or starts with croup or something while your looking after them. A lot of things have changed since we were bringing up our children. There’s no way I’d let your DM babysit.

Honey given to a child under a year old can cause paralysis. she is batshit. That would be enough for me. yanbu to be concerned.

She was helping with the battery. She didnt make him eat it or anything. Ff car seat at 3? Fine.
A sip of coke??? At 9 months? Cocaine is not safe at any age. Unless you mean coca cola, in which case, you are massively BU with the ‘batshit’ and need to get a grip.

I know this isn't FF vs RF thread. But research has recently found FF is safer and now you can get RF til age 4 / height or weight limit reached. It's only come in in the last couple of years. The law is going to change but obviously will have a lead in time so that any car seats currently purchased can be phased out. So FF are still safe and legal, just there is a better alternative. They are set up so that they aren't squished! However it's still a pain to get them in and out , kids don't like it as much, and it can make them more car sick. So a lot of parents move them before the guidelines say. A 3 year old shouldn't be too far off moving up to the next size though

@VioletCharlotte Literally whereever they want! Crossed legged, up on the seat, over the sides of the car seat. It's a lot more comfortable than it looks :) my ds has never once complained or commented as it's all he's ever known so he's happy with it. Also the two way elite has 'extra leg room' as it's a slim seat made with children up to 25kg/7-8 years in mind.

Your parenting styles do not tie in. Soon your dc will be older and it wont freak you out so much.

She was helping with the battery.

In my opinion some things aren’t ok for small children to help with. My DGD asked to help me open my tablet packet. I said no because it’s not something I want her to think it’s ok to handle. Yes I would have been supervising and she would have enjoyed ‘helping’ me but some things just shouldn’t be things toddlers think it’s ok to be handling.

I don’t think you are over reacting tbh. Trust your gut feeling. I feel the same about leaving my two DC alone with my Dad - I just wouldn’t do it despite him always offering to have them. He has fuck all common sense. Think putting my 2 yr old in her car seat wearing her padded winter coat despite me frequently telling him not to have her wear her coat in the car or giving her unchopped grapes. He thinks he knows best because nothing ever happened to me when I was younger. His loss because his refusal to listen and use basic judgement means he’ll never have them unsupervised again.

@Thecreosotekid absolutely!

Unconfirmed rumours of a sip of coke

PFB, no?

Unconfirmed rumours of a line of coke = horrified reaction.
Unconfirmed rumours of a sip of brown fizzy water = yes? And?

You lost me on dodgy antibiotic cream!

We've just put dgd2 into a booster seat in the car. (She weighs 17 kg though). Tbh she's been in a forward facing 5 point isofix seat for a long time.

YABU Op and I mean this in the nicest possible way, calm the fuck down