To not leave DD with batshit DM alone

[theymaynotmeantobuttheydo]

DM has no concept of danger and thinks nothing bad will ever happen to her. I often question how I survived my childhood with no physical injuries. Not a single broken bone or hospital visit...

There are (unconfirmed) rumours that she once gave my cousins 9 month old a sip of coke.

She lives localish to us and would have the kids DD6 and DD3 at the drop of the hat but I just don't trust her.. DH thinks I'm crazy as we could be off having a whale of the time but...

We use nursery for childcare.

I left DD3 for about 3 hours one morning as I had an adhoc work meeting and she put her in DS's forward facing booster seat for a non urgent car journey a mile away to collect something that could have waited. She "thought she was old enough to face forward now as she's big enough"

DD3 had a very minor scratch and I asked her to get some savlon and before i knew it she was applying some dodgy antibiotic cream to "take the redness away"
Oh when One DD was born she shoved some honey in her mouth at a few days old (some batshit cultural custom) before I could stop her. She has no boundaries. She can't be stopped or reasoned with. I had to insist she covered up her 6ft deep pond after she persisted with the fact I had never drowned in it as being a good enough reason to leave it.

My children need protecting from her. AIBU? I suspect not but DH thinks I am OTT!

You sound like your over reacting and that maybe your children are snowflakes?

I would think a 3 year old in a rear facing car seat would look squashed because when my kids were little rear facing only went up to one year?

Why would a small scratch even need savalon (never bought the stuff)?

Wow you sound unhinged op. Your dm sounds perfectly normal and as you say raised you with no harm.

Honestly, do you have any third party views of this? People who know her and you - what do they say?

Nothing batshit in any of that. You obviously have a different approach to your DM, so if you’re not happy with her having the DC then say no.

I don’t agree that they’re at risk with her though.

The pond is very dangerous, the batteries is weird but the rest is fine.

Was it just coke for the 9 month old? Or a run and coke type drink? Cause honestly just coke doesn’t deserve exclamation marks.

Hmmm, My mil cleaned a childs face with windolene wipes 2because they are all the same". She also lets my 3 yr old spray the grass with weed killer i.e. poison and put petrol in the car.

Your mum sounds pretty mild in comparison and I still let MIL watch the kids. WE just set boundaries and get the kids to tell us everything when we get home.

She has no boundaries. She can't be stopped or reasoned with.

This is the alarm bell bit. You are the parent, you makes the choices on who looks after them.

Other than the pond (and if properly supervised even that us acceptable)she sounds far more normal than you do tbh.

@hidinginthenightgarden woah! this
puts it all into perspective...

Rear facing at 3 YEARS old??
Sorry but I think that's a bit much, my dc would HATE that.

Apart from the honey which is obviously bad - She doesn't sound that crazy.

Is the pond completely gone? If not don't leave your DD with her, there are multiple drowning incidents every year in ponds and that people assumed were safe.

Was the car seat correct for the age/weight, if so, ff vs RF is a matter of opinion.

I thought you were going to give examples of the child being left to play out etc.

Yeah...she doesn't do those things now but they all happended at least once. All were explained as "reasons we would stop them being at your house".

I thought rear-facing was for tiny babies? My DN is nearly 8 and I’m pretty sure she was FF from about 1? That said, when I was 3 (coincidentally the same year it became law for drivers to wear seat belts) I spent an entire journey to our holiday stood in the back of the car, holding on to the back of my parents seats! Different times - they would never dream of doing that with their DGC now.

The pool would freak ‘me out. Where I come from her ulations re the height and type of fence that must be used to enclose all water features to protect both the landowners children and children who may stray onto the property. You just can’t guarantee a child will not find it’s way unsupervised to water.

I think you are a bit OTT.

How do people not know that children should be rear facing until 4? There seems to be a bizarre amount of shock on this thread that a 3 year old is rear facing. Surely, if you have young children you know this???

How do people not know that children should be rear facing until 4?
Because this isn't a thing?

Some people choose to rear face longer, most don't. It's preference, not "should".

A three year old is fine to try to find the right batteries. It sounds as though you are over protective.

"Oh when One DD was born she shoved some honey in her mouth at a few days old (some batshit cultural custom)"

Cultural cilustons are difficult to shake off, that's about getting the MW etc to have a word and directing her to Google.

alright drama queen 😂 she can’t have been that bad if you managed to get through the whole of your childhood without one broken bone or injury. my mum is the most overly cautious person ever and i still managed to break multiple bones and scald myself quite badly.

A three year old is fine to try to find the right batteries. It sounds as though you are over protective.

Not button batteries. My 3 year old would put one in his mouth for fun because he still does stuff like that. The damage a button battery does is horrendous.

My ds is rear facing until 8 years (two way elite car seat) Rear facing has been proven to be safer so it isn't crazy that ops 3 year old is rear facing. However op I do think your dm sounds fine to be looking after your dc, but she just needs to be more respectful towards your parenting choices.

Maybe over reacting slightly and a bit defensive with her? The pond thing i understand, maybe write down 2/3 rules she must comply with if she wants to spend time alone with them, and try be reasonable with all the rest, you have obviously grew up unscathed, remember while your trying to give your dc everything you didn’t have, don’t take away the things you did you (the rough and tumble fun, allowing to get down and dirty with nature)

My DS is 3.5. My DD is 15m.

I’m in the US where they’ve just made rear facing up to age 2 the law in our state. I wouldn’t be bothered about a 3 year old doing one short journey in a booster. At least she used a seat!

Honey for a newborn is a bit bizarre, as is coke for a 9 month old. But it’s not really dangerous. Just not something you want happening lots.

The batteries - my 15 month old I’d be horrified. They can potentially be fatal if swallowed. My 3.5 year old, I wouldn’t be over pleased, but he wouldn’t put them in his mouth. Unless your mum is offering them to babies I would just say be careful with those mum as they can be very dangerous and I wouldn’t trust a 3 year old to not drop one and it could be found by a smaller cousin.

Pond - it’s her house. If she’s going to supervise then it’s her responsibility! Lots of kids live with ponds nearby.

How do people not know that children should be rear facing until 4? There seems to be a bizarre amount of shock on this thread that a 3 year old is rear facing. Surely, if you have young children you know this???
My 3 yr old is forward facing. She came to live with us at 11 months and was already forward facing so no idea at what time she turned FF but she was. My DS was forward facing too as he screamed constantly when RF. I figured it was safer to turn him round in order to prevent a crash rather than RF on the off chance of us having one.