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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not seeing my ds until further notice☹

132 replies

parry45 · 16/02/2019 14:17

I'll try keep this short. My ds 11 has lived with his dad for the past year, not by choice but long story. I see him every other weekend sat and sun and every Wednesday for dinner.(not easy). It was my weekend this weekend so he has seen us just 2 1/2 hours in 2 weeks. He really really looks forward to this weekend but I have been informed by dad yesterday that he will not be seeing me until further notice as he is on punishment and I can't be trusted to follow them through at my house. I would appreciate your thoughts on whether you think it's right to have the punishment at both houses for something he did there(he wiped a bogie on his bedroom wall). This is unfair that I can't see my ds until further notice☹aibu with this .. advice please.

OP posts:
Dowser · 21/02/2019 23:49

Sandy ..do you know if a child who is almost 7 would qualify for legal aid please?
He’s adamant he ‘ wants to say with mummy’ .
It would basically be taking his father to court, his father who he lives with.

All I can see I. The rules is a child under 16 can qualify

bellabasset · 21/02/2019 23:54

I hope your son's situation is such that he is eligible for a solicitor. This might mean you won't need one. Sandy's advice re copying into the MP is also a good suggestion. One letter from them often gets results we can't get for ourselves.

SandyY2K · 22/02/2019 00:37

Most local authorities will also have either a strategic director for CYP (children and young people) or a Director.

Write one letter to the Chief Executive Officer and you can copy in your MP. That way they will all have the one letter and know each other have it.

Once the CEO gets it, he/she will most likely liaise with the Director of CYP.

It would go down to the specific HOS and they will be asking what and why things were done and looking into whether procedures were followed.

Most importantly you should be asking why when there was an alternative (grandparents), was your DS placed with his father, who has abused him and this was known by the SW.

Emphasise that as it stands, you worry the abuse is continuing because of [list your reasons] and that your DS is so reluctant to return to his dad on visiting you.

Safeguarding child protection and abuse are words they cannot ignore. The letter should not be about you seeing your DS, because they'll say it's not a safeguarding matter and one for either CAFCASS or solicitors to support you with. It needs to be about his safety/abuse/safeguarding concerns.

They may wonder why you've gone to the top...state that you have tried to speak to the SW or whoever you spoke to (name the person in the letter) and were told the case is closed, but you continue to have concerns.

SandyY2K · 22/02/2019 00:56

@Dowser

Sandy ..do you know if a child who is almost 7 would qualify for legal aid please?

I don't know about that, but found this which may be useful.

www.thefamilylawco.co.uk/information/is-legal-aid-available/

The local authority won't get involved where a child just doesn't want to see one parent, that's CAFCASS and I know people who haven't had the best experience with them sadly.

It's where safeguarding is an issue, that the LA will come into play.

The reason I suggested what I did in the OPs case, is that the child has been abused by dad...and or seems that was disregarded in the past.

In general for everyone..if you're not happy with a decision and have valid reasons...never hesitate to ask for the SWs manager's name to speak to and stress your concerns. Safeguarding is key

Putting it in writing or summarising after a phone call is good. That way you have evidence. Although I'm sure the team manager will act on a phone call.

2birds1stone · 22/02/2019 03:25

It may be worth checking the local authorities recent ofsteds.

The LA I am involved with have had awful ofsteds in the past few years calling into question the level of care being provided to children in need.

Also there is a general shortage of social workers country wide which raises questions about whether there is enough support for all those that need it, and the right level as a sw with little experience may have dealt with this initially and may not understand what is truly going on.

I wonder if this is why they are saying the case is closed because they haven't got capacity to pick up a case which they felt had been dealt with and would want it re raised from the start (which isn't right in my opinion) but may be how they work on case loads.

Sandy is quite right though writing to the Ceo and head of service is a good way to go. The council will also have mp/councillor who over sees that particular service, check out the website as it may be worth getting a letter to them as well, especially if there are over all concerns with the department as a whole.

Good luck op. I hope you get a positive outcome quickly.

lyralalala · 22/02/2019 07:08

Did the police do a welfare check for you? It’s very concerning a man known to be abusuve as basically hidden a child from sight (especially if it’s also half term where you are).

Dowser · 22/02/2019 09:45

Thank you Sandy I shall pass on your advice

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