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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not seeing my ds until further notice☹

132 replies

parry45 · 16/02/2019 14:17

I'll try keep this short. My ds 11 has lived with his dad for the past year, not by choice but long story. I see him every other weekend sat and sun and every Wednesday for dinner.(not easy). It was my weekend this weekend so he has seen us just 2 1/2 hours in 2 weeks. He really really looks forward to this weekend but I have been informed by dad yesterday that he will not be seeing me until further notice as he is on punishment and I can't be trusted to follow them through at my house. I would appreciate your thoughts on whether you think it's right to have the punishment at both houses for something he did there(he wiped a bogie on his bedroom wall). This is unfair that I can't see my ds until further notice☹aibu with this .. advice please.

OP posts:
ThreeAnkleBiters · 16/02/2019 17:26

Poor DS I can't believe his father is acting in his best interests with this punishment and he certainly can't stop contact.

Nanny0gg · 16/02/2019 17:58

Surely ss should have jumped in when your ds was prevented from attending a medical appt?

Natsku · 16/02/2019 18:28

or it might be to prevent you from seeing something he doesn't want you to, e.g. bruises or similar

That does spring to mind, especially as he's stopping skype contact too so she can't see her DS at all

CarolDanvers · 16/02/2019 18:33

I’d be contacting the police and asking them to do a well being check. Right now.

TeachesOfPeaches · 16/02/2019 18:44

Have you got 5 children with this lunatic OP? Must be so tough.

DoctorDread · 16/02/2019 18:50

I'm so sorry for your don in this situation. I hope SS can step in.

CanuckBC · 16/02/2019 18:59

Hell no! Not acceptable at all! I have given my children punishment for misdeeds at my house. My ex would laugh at me if I said I wouldn’t give him contact because I didn’t think he would continue the punishment. He would also take me to court...

Punishment is only for the house the offence occurred in. Not to be continued in the other as rules are usually very very different.

In your situation I would contact SS and raise a shit storm of epic proportions. This is over the top especially for someone though to be on the spectrum.

He needs to be tested and dad needs to take him to his medical appointments if he has custody. This should be court ordered.

I would fight for him to go to his grandparents if they are loving, stable and able to be a good environment for him. His dad is obviously not.

BlackeyedGruesome · 16/02/2019 19:39

Autistic children can sometimes be a bit gross as they do not always understand things the same way. toothpaste spit in ones slippers in not a nice surprise, but at least they were cleaning their teeth

Oh and I second contacting social services and a solicitor if you can.

parry45 · 16/02/2019 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
parry45 · 16/02/2019 20:31

Sorry my posts are so long. Just answering as much as I can and I really appreciate all of your advice with this.

OP posts:
Original poster
parry45 · 16/02/2019 20:39

Binicnemonic....no, he eats them!

OP posts:
Natsku · 16/02/2019 20:42

What's a consequence stick?

I think the well-being check might be warranted, sudden refusal of any contact including skype with a history of abuse is a whole lot of red flags.

Maelstrop · 16/02/2019 20:43

Totally out of order. Please do contact SS first thing on Monday. How long is the punishment to go on? It’s disgusting.

Original poster
parry45 · 16/02/2019 20:45

There is a jar of sticks. What ever colour is on the end is a different consequence/punishment that last for a week. These include cleaning the floors with a cloth, taking the rubbish down(top floor flat), scrubbing the toilet with bleach etc

OP posts:
Natsku · 16/02/2019 20:47

Oh right, turned housework into a punishment, hmm.

YouCantTourniquetTheTaint · 16/02/2019 20:48

I would seriously think about phoning the police and have them do a welfare check. He is being abused by his excuse for a father.

I would be worried that hes hiding something from you.

Original poster
parry45 · 16/02/2019 20:49

Maelstrom, the punishment will go on until further notice...That's all I've been told. He will be angry at the fact he has no control over ds behaviour. Ds tells me he is a disgrace yo his dad. I just want to give him a massive cuddle.

OP posts:
IfNotNowThenWhy · 16/02/2019 20:52

Why are you allowing your son's father to abuse him? I'm sorry but this is what is happening. You need to get him away from this man.

pudcat · 16/02/2019 20:53

Please call the police and emergency social services. Your son is great in great danger of emotional abuse, bullying and physical abuse (if he doesn't do the punishments)

AcrossthePond55 · 16/02/2019 20:58

Honestly, he'd be better off in care than with that abusive arsehole. At least in care you'd have free access to him!

dragonsfire · 16/02/2019 20:59

I think you need to call the police it’s very suspicious all communication is being stopped!

It’s emotional abuse which is now a crime- explain to the police so they can do a spit check.

parry45 · 16/02/2019 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dashitauntagatha · 16/02/2019 21:17

The word abuse is used very liberally on Mumsnet but this is 100% abusive. My heart breaks for this boy. Please do something about this other than posting on MN (don't mean to sound harsh but seriously, read your own posts). This needs urgent action.

dashitauntagatha · 16/02/2019 21:18

Sorry cross posted - so relieved to read your update. Good luck with this incredibly difficult situation x

dragonsfire · 16/02/2019 21:58

That’s good to hear OP I hope they start listening to you and your boy gets the help he needs Flowers