Aibu to be pissed parents have no life insurance

[pregnantforever]

Parents are in their 50s although my dad has the health of a 70year old. They don't take care of themselves and my dad moans every day about how awful his health is but rarely does anything about it.
He makes stupid decisions that are unsafe. Hes self employed and works lots of hours (manual job) with no need to (mortgage free, own their own car, have savings ect). He seems to almost brag about it. Last week sat saying he had had to work in the dark all day in a house where there was no light or electric, in the freezing cold with leaking water everywhere. We all pointed out that he had done this by choice, he's self employed and it's not worth risking his life for, he could have waited until the next day when some of those issues were sorted out but he didn't want to. We said we thought he was irresponsible and he walked off in a big mood.
I told my mum I hoped they had good life insurance if he was going to carry on making stupid decisions like that because she will be left growing old by herself, and she said they had none, and that there was no point in getting any because it would be expensive and their house was paid off anyway.
I don't think owning a house means much. If one of them needs care they will be up shit creek without a paddle. They both insist they want to stay in that house and never go into a care home ect, and my brother won't have anything to do with looking after them, he's not inclined like that. I have a spinal cord injury and don't want all of the burden of taking care of them or one of them being forced to sell up to pay for their care. Surely if they had life insurance then that would at least cover some costs should one of them take a turn? Or do I just need to keep my nose out massively and not worry? I've never asked anything about it before so had no idea they didn't have it.

I think that OP was worrying about having to pay for carers herself if her DPs needed it, she didn’t realise that they would have to fund it themselves by savings or their house, also councils can put a charge on the house or something like that and then get the money after the owners die

@Beansandcoffee I'm not worried about our financial situation. I could take more of an interest of course. But at the very least we have really good pensions and have made provisions for medical care I may need & insurance.

why not make plans financially so it's not all on us to keep them in their house and look after them?

Why would you have to keep them in their house and look after them? They are in their 50s, so am I. I recently took out a really good life insurance policy with no issues at all, although as PP have explained, this only kicks in if one of them dies.

They are adults making adult decisions. They will have to face the consequences of those decisions. Assuming you are in UK, this won't affect you financially at all.

@cuppycakey completely understand that, but to be fair my dad has the health of a 70 year old, multiple problems, and it's not now I'm worrying about, it's the years to come. So everybody saying I'm 50 and I'm fine, I'm not worrying they are going to drop dead now, I'm worrying they may be leaving themselves in a vulnerable situation.

If my mum refuses to sell her house and was struggling I wouldn't refuse to help her out if that's her last wish 🤷‍♀️ of course I would help them in whichever way they needed. I wouldn't just be like "oh you made your bed you need to lie in it", I'd do whatever I could to support them.

Anyhow it's opened my eyes to how little I knew about how it worked, how normal a situation it is and how much I'm worrying over nothing really.

Care homes don’t cost £12k a year. A decent one costs c£50k a year.

Posts like this really piss me off. They’re dripping with ageism. Guess what this 50 something women and 60 something partner is more than capable of making our own decisions.

@Imissgmichael Just because I've stated their age range doesn't make it ageist at all.
Dhs father is the same age and his life is vastly different from mine. He's in brilliant health and is responsible and takes care of himself.
My dad has a long list of untreated problems he's bloody irresponsible with and continues to make poor decisions about.
If my dad was the same as dhs dad or in similar health to my mum I don't think the thought would have even crossed my mind.
But quite frankly I'm sick of somebody choosing to abuse their body and go against medical advice and putting the stress on those around them.

Dear god, are posters on here teenagers. Guess what, 50 -60 year olds don’t need their kids permission to do anything. Quite frankly if my kids acted like they have a right to dictate to me I’d leave my money elsewhere.

@Imissgmichael Nobody has actually said any of those things at all.

FWIW - my dad is in similar position living in his own home mortgage free with no insurance. Family history of Alzheimer's needing to go in a care home.

I have already told him that I will not be caring for him as I had my family later in life and live 2+hrs away so already committed. He is well aware he will either need to downsize to a flat to pay for carers or sell house if he has to be admitted to a home.

We simply had an open, kind conversation about it and he understood that I need to fund our children and he needs to fund himself.

I'm in my 50s. I don't have life assurance, neither does my DH. We have our house, savings and jobs and children are now grown up. You shouldn't be worrying about this and I'm not sure whether you're worrying about your parents or your inheritance!

Well isn't it great that we live in a civilised country with a NHS ? I have never ever considered 'saving' for medical bills. I do not believe in private health care. I pay taxes and NI contributions to fund this.
If I need care then the state will pay when savings decrease to £20500. If DH also needs care then we sell the house.
Never ever would we consider life insurance now the mortgage is paid. It's astronomically expensive and lines the pockets of insurance companies and god knows what they invest it in.

IMHO it's unnecessary. Either you have enough to pay or you don't in which case the state pays. Simple. Come to that , you don't even need money for a funeral. Every council has a fund. It covers a basic funeral and stops dead bodies piling up in the streets . !

@Janecon if you actually read the thread it's my parents I'm worrying about, overworrying by the sounds of it but thanks for assuming.

We've never had life insurance etc as don't need it once house is paid off and if you have savings. It sounds like they have planned well. I can't see why they'd need insurance.
When we looked we also realised how little you are actually covered for, if companies find a way not to pay out they will, irrespective of how much you have paid in, or what you believed to be the terms and conditions.

Nope nada . Keep your nose out of your parents financial affairs. It’s perfectly obvious on this thread that people think if someones over a certain age then their family should stick their nose in. Nah it ain’t going to happen with me. Spent over £10000 years his year on holidays. My money my business.

@Imissgmichael clearly you haven't read the full thread darling nobody has said those things

Having lost my dm last year, I can tell you it really helped at a difficult time that my parents had prepared for their funeral costs by taking out a plan. It's hard enough emotionally organising things without having to worry where the money will come from. My dgps had done the same. It's part of being a responsible parent.

Well, I didn’t think the thread was ageist and I have also spent a lot on holidays and am over 60. There is an ageist thread going on about older people and tech running at the moment which I do consider ageist though

Look, it’s not your business how your parents spend their money. I thinks it’s absolutely disgraceful that people stick their nose in and treat 50 year old people like their incapable.

I assume you are happy for them to poke their noses into your financial affairs as you seem to think you have the right to do with theirs? They are your parents, have some respect and stop treating them like
children.

I have enough money to pay for my funeral. I don’t want my kids questioning if there’s enough money in the pot and acting like i don’t matter if there isn’t. There’s some disgusting people on here who think their parents money is theirs. Disgusting.

Yep but pregnant it’s none of your business.

If DF dies while the OP's mother is still alive, how will her mum live? If she hasn't a pension (67!) and not working, what will she live on?

When both die, who will pay for the funeral before probate?

It is the OP's business. She'll be sorting it all out when one/both die!

(Our mortgage is paid off. We have life insurance)

Ok I’ll tell you why this annoys me. I was in charge of a department that dealt with industrial illness of clients that were living but also some that was dead. Family members who were not entitled to compensation stuck their nose in and caused a lot of problems. Mind your own business.