Aibu to be pissed parents have no life insurance

[pregnantforever]

Parents are in their 50s although my dad has the health of a 70year old. They don't take care of themselves and my dad moans every day about how awful his health is but rarely does anything about it.
He makes stupid decisions that are unsafe. Hes self employed and works lots of hours (manual job) with no need to (mortgage free, own their own car, have savings ect). He seems to almost brag about it. Last week sat saying he had had to work in the dark all day in a house where there was no light or electric, in the freezing cold with leaking water everywhere. We all pointed out that he had done this by choice, he's self employed and it's not worth risking his life for, he could have waited until the next day when some of those issues were sorted out but he didn't want to. We said we thought he was irresponsible and he walked off in a big mood.
I told my mum I hoped they had good life insurance if he was going to carry on making stupid decisions like that because she will be left growing old by herself, and she said they had none, and that there was no point in getting any because it would be expensive and their house was paid off anyway.
I don't think owning a house means much. If one of them needs care they will be up shit creek without a paddle. They both insist they want to stay in that house and never go into a care home ect, and my brother won't have anything to do with looking after them, he's not inclined like that. I have a spinal cord injury and don't want all of the burden of taking care of them or one of them being forced to sell up to pay for their care. Surely if they had life insurance then that would at least cover some costs should one of them take a turn? Or do I just need to keep my nose out massively and not worry? I've never asked anything about it before so had no idea they didn't have it.

Life insurance pays out on death. Mortgage protection insurance covers mortgage. Life insurance will be good for the remaining spouse to live on when one dies. Critical illness cover may pay out a lump sum if one gets a specific illness - not all cancers are covered for instance. So there are different insurance policies for different scenarios.

We have life insurance so if one of us dies the other won't struggle financially. We dropped mortgage protection when mortgage was paid off. Dh has income protection insurance as he is self employed. That would pay a monthly sum if he ever got an illness where he had to take a lengthy time off work.

Maybe your parents could chat to a financial advisor if they want. If they don't want to then it's none of your concern. You certainly won't have to fund them if they get ill. Thats their problem.

Agreed. Our life insurance only covers us until kids are 21 we won't renew then. You can't get very good life insurance when you are close to dying anyway, it's more of a saving plan. My personal life insurance is cheap for a the amount- £11 a month for £500,000-because I took it out when I was 22 so statistically unlikely to die in the 30 year term.

Life insurance won’t help with care home fees?

I don’t see what benefit you feel it will be to them. Although I can see what benefit or would be to you (or whoever the beneficiaries of their will are).

I think you need to look into how life insurance works and also how care home fees are paid if a house is in joint ownership and only one person requires care.

Oh dear are you worried about your inheritance?

Well this 50 something woman cancelled her life insurance as soon as mortgage was paid off. Do you not realise that the older you get the more life insurance cost for very poor returns. Funeral policies and over 50s policies are a complete waste of time and a rip off also.

I don't have life insurance. I have a mortgage free house and I have absolutely no intention of having my DDs care for me. I do have a good pension, and I will use that to fund a trip to Switzerland when the time comes so that my girls can inherit my house and a lot of happy memories. Having seen what ill health and dementia can do, I'm not having it - I'd much rather live a shorter but happier life.

Your DF does need to stop moaning though. He can't have it both ways.

I’m with you @pointythings, i’ll have Dignitas on speed dial!

Nobody knows what the future holds, OP. Your parents could live another 30 years in reasonably good health and never need a care home.

You say they have savings - possibly enough to pay for funerals, possibly they'll also continue to add to those savings in the coming years as they're still quite young (you say your DF is in bad health, but he's holding down a demanding manual job, so my guess is he's quite decrepit just yet).

Let's cross that bridge when you come to it, all this fussing about life insurance and care home fees smacks rather unpleasantly of being worried about your inheritance prospects.

@pointythings @alsohuman I'd hope that British legislation had caught up by the time we need it.

@YellowLilies how am I being unreasonable by that standard? I have no problem with them selling the house to pay for what they need but they have both stated they won't do it, so if they don't want it why not make plans financially so it's not all on us to keep them in their house and look after them?

The sale of their house would pay care costs, if necessary. If the house is paid off and the children are grown, insurance is a nice extra should one partner die but it’s not essential.
It sounds like you’re worrying about you. They aren’t old. They are competent adults living their life as they choose.
You need to mind your own business.

If one of your parents needs care and the other is still living in the house, the house value is not included. They would look at half of any joint savings/ income and any personal savings/ income and see if the person needing care was over whatever the threshold for SS is at that stage. This would be for package of care or placement. When only one of them left at home it would be same rules for package of care but if going into a home, value of house included.
We do not have life insurance. If one of us dies the other would probably need to downsize but that is our plan anyway once kids have moved out.

We had mortgage life assurance during its term and life assurance covering both of us whilst we had dependent children - the latter to cover either one of us with additional childcare costs and maintaining the home on a single salary or to finance their care with a guardian if we both died. The mortgage is paid off, the children are grown, we no longer have the need for the coverage - there will be sufficient savings for funerals and care of the the first partner with the house being sold to finance the care of the second if necessary.

(Those saying 'just sell the house to finance care' are ignoring the housing needs of the remaining partner. That would have to happen but it only works smoothly if there is sufficient equity to either house in a smaller property, or provide ongoing rent - dealt with that situation in our own family)

Life assurance taken out for a 50 plus year old in bad health would be very expensive - those 50 plus plans which are advertised widely provide awful returns.

selling the house to pay for what they need but they have both stated they won't do it they might not want to do it, but they might have to

@Rade no not at all. If they were both like any other couple in their 50s it wouldn't even occur to me.
But my dad has poor health and what's more worrying is he puts himself in stupid situations that make his health worse and won't ever see a doctor. It wouldn't surprise me if he went soon, I don't think he will still be here in another 10 years.
I don't want my mum (also stubborn and dependent on people but will probably live another 20+ years) being stuck struggling and being forced to move out of her home she's adamant she won't move out of, so we will probably have to pay for carers to go in there because I'd struggle to help as much as I'd like to physically. I've never even thought about it until this conversation last week, I just thought they would be a bit more prepared and didn't think they wouldn't be bothered and it would be left up to us.
I'm hormonal at the moment so probably over worrying too, I couldn't give a toss about any inheritance as their money is theirs to spend, but if they don't want to spend it on making sure they will be ok, I do worry I'll be left in a difficult situation when the time comes.

@Dextrodependant Thank you for clarifying Life insurance wouldn't pay for a care home so I don't see your point there.
I didn't actually realise that. For those saying inheritance, if I thought they would sell the house to pay for a care home I wouldn't be posting here but they have lived in the same house for 30 years and they want to be there until they die so it's more the cost of having to have carers in or find a way to do it myself if I can't afford that I'm worrying about.
Or having to persuade them to sell to put one in a home but they have been pretty clear about that.
I don't even know why I'm worrying about this now. I think I just thought they were more sensible.

I'm assuming you live in the UK.
A house cannot be sold to pay for care fees if one person still lives there. If your parents need care in their home, this is usually funded if their savings are below a certain limit. My MIL has carers 4x daily and doesn't pay anything towards this cost. If she ever needs to have full time care in a home, this too will be paid for and won't actually cost us anything.
Life insurance only pays up when you die, and it's often the case that it's only affordable if you are under 80. As long as they have enough money to pay for their funerals, you really have nothing to be pissed about!
Unless what you actually meant to say was 'AIBU that my parents have no life insurance to leave to me when they eventually die'?

He's 50, self employed, in poor health. He may not even be able to get life assurance, and even if he could, it could costs hundreds of pounds per month.

Don't borrow trouble.

At the point at which they need to pay for carers, then that will be the time to talk about emotional subjects like selling the house. Because then it will be a problem that needs solving.

Right now, it doesn't need solving. The very most you should do is say, as unemotionally as possible, that you won't be able to support them yourself, either financially or practically, so it would be worth them (your mum?) having a plan for the future.

Are you based in the UK? Because if so, I don't understand your concerns. If she needs care in her home but can't afford it (based on whatever criteria is used then) the council will pay for it. If she has enough savings, she will have to pay for it. What am I missing here?

Just let them be to make their own choices, you needn’t involve yourself at all. Your concerns sound both intrusive and ill-informed.
Your mum can decide what she wants to do when the time comes, but it’s their choice.

This is there business, not yours. Life Insurance covers the mortgage and most people don't have it when they are mortgage fee. Funeral plans are a rip-off and a waste of money. They would be better having an emergency safety pot. The house is their safety net and would be sold if they needed nursing home care. Not your responsibility

Honestly, I think they're fine. I understand that you are concerned about how any potential care will be funded, especially since they don't want to sell the house.

Depending how it goes, e.g. one in a care home while the other is at home, both in a care home, both needing at home care, they may be eligible for council funding. But even if they are not, you don't have to sell the house to cover the care home funds. It can come out of the value of their estate when they die. In either case, you and your brother will not be responsible for those costs and, as others have said, life assurance would not cover them either.

I wonder how many of us are posting as irritated people in their 50s who have 20-something children of strong opinions?

The house won't have to be sold to pay for the first of your parents if they need care. My dad needed care before he died, they owned the house outright, but it was all provided free by the LA - mostly in home care, but he also spent time in a care home periodically.

If you get to the situation where the surviving spouse needs care, the value of the house and any other assets will be taken into account, but it doesn't have to be sold until after the person dies - the debt just accumulates until about £20k of estate remains. Then the care is paid for by the council, but the amount paid might only cover cheaper options.

If that's their plan, that's fine. The alternative of paying for very very expensive insurance that would pay out if they needed care to preserve the value of the estate is unlikely to be financially sensible. They might not need care - they may pass away suddenly without a period of ill health and disability.

Your DM may change her mind later about remaining in the family home if it becomes too much for her. It seems a bit mad to me for all these elderly frail people struggling in houses too big for them to manage, for sentimental reasons above practicality.

We are 50s, our life insurance was for the term of the mortgage. We paid off the mortgage early, and cancelled the life insurance. Out DC are adults, we have savings, both work full time and have death in service benefits. We don’t need life insurance, I’m not sure the OP understands what it’s for. It won’t pay for care home fees 😀