Aibu to be pissed parents have no life insurance

[pregnantforever]

Parents are in their 50s although my dad has the health of a 70year old. They don't take care of themselves and my dad moans every day about how awful his health is but rarely does anything about it.
He makes stupid decisions that are unsafe. Hes self employed and works lots of hours (manual job) with no need to (mortgage free, own their own car, have savings ect). He seems to almost brag about it. Last week sat saying he had had to work in the dark all day in a house where there was no light or electric, in the freezing cold with leaking water everywhere. We all pointed out that he had done this by choice, he's self employed and it's not worth risking his life for, he could have waited until the next day when some of those issues were sorted out but he didn't want to. We said we thought he was irresponsible and he walked off in a big mood.
I told my mum I hoped they had good life insurance if he was going to carry on making stupid decisions like that because she will be left growing old by herself, and she said they had none, and that there was no point in getting any because it would be expensive and their house was paid off anyway.
I don't think owning a house means much. If one of them needs care they will be up shit creek without a paddle. They both insist they want to stay in that house and never go into a care home ect, and my brother won't have anything to do with looking after them, he's not inclined like that. I have a spinal cord injury and don't want all of the burden of taking care of them or one of them being forced to sell up to pay for their care. Surely if they had life insurance then that would at least cover some costs should one of them take a turn? Or do I just need to keep my nose out massively and not worry? I've never asked anything about it before so had no idea they didn't have it.

Okay that is fine. Personally at 57 I suspect that those issues are a long way away. And if the worst happened, I am married so my partner could act on my behalf.

We have no life insurance - we don't need it because we're mortgage free and have enough in our savings to cover both funerals. If one of us went into a care home, the cost wouldn't be met out of life insurance anyway because going into residential care isn't 'dying' so I'm not sure what your problem is.

Neither would life insurance pay the costs of them needing a cleaner or any kind of care in their own home.

Life insurance pays out when someone dies. How diffficult it that to understand?

Not your circus, not your monkeys. First one to go will be buried by the remaining parent.

If you lose your partner, life insurance can give you time to sort out your own future affairs whilst you can still afford to live in your own home.

If you're both pensioners, one will be stuffed if they other dies and they have no savings.

First one to go will be buried by the remaining parent

As long as the remaining parent can get their hands on £3000 +

I don’t know if ILs have life insurance. MIL has just passed away. They have enough money for her funeral and I’m sure there will be enough money for FIL’s funeral when he pops his clogs. They seem to be loaded, although I have no clue about their finances.

My parents had no life insurance, never felt the need for it, but they both died over 20 years ago and myself and siblings were all living independently by that time.

DH and I both have insurance and I will try to make sure that DDs get life insurance once they start working.

clairemcnam it actually doesn't matter that you are married. When I looked into it made no difference being married. Banks could still freeze accounts to 'protect the one without capacity' even if they were joint. If they needed to move home then they obviously couldn't do that without a lot of time and extra money because they can't just sign for you.

In fact ageuk has a section about it which specially states don't assume because you are married or in a civil partnership you can access bank accounts, pensions etc because you still don't have the legal authority without a LPA.

BatsAreCool. Thanks! At least one person read what I said! And none of us knows when a slate off a roof might bash us on the head! You are so wise to set it up long before the time you would think it might be needed (i.e. old-age). My cousin had a stroke returning from the USA while in the air. He was in his 40s. He could not speak on the phone to his wife. But they had set up EPAs. He worked in a Bank so was money-savvy. It meant their life was so much easier straight away when he needed urgent treatment and from then onwards. Btw, he made a good recovery but not enough to return to his job.
My message: everyone who can would be wise to put an EPA ready in case.
With my mother, she was aware that she was getting forgetful and we set it up.Later she thought she was getting worse and asked us to put it in place before she lost capacity to agree to that. We did not take over her finances until much later when she was clearly very unable to manage and then it was gradual and at first just helping her until she was just not with-it at all.

It's like life insurance. We don't buy it because we think we will die before we are old enough to retire or whatever. We buy it in case we should die and suddenly our dependants are left without the income we brought in.
My EPA isn't active but I shall be making it active soon. It doesn't mean my adult daughter will be running my life. She won't be able to do anything against my wishes. People are so misinformed about what an EPA does!

Power of attorney is often important. Especially for a couple. Also if one half of a couple dies the bank accounts get frozen until probate is granted (could be 6 months or more) There is something you can do (can’t remember the name) to let you have access to the money as this could cause problems with a joint account.
My husband started paying life insurance in his 20’s. He’s now in his 60’s and the premiums have gone up massively. But he’s at the point now where he realises that he’s paid in so much over the years, that he doesn’t want to loose it by stopping the payments. The money when he dies will go to his older 2 children (not our 3 who are much younger, long story) so he’s tempted to ask the older 2 if they want to pay the premiums as it’s for their benefit. If they don’t want to I don’t know if he will keep paying. But it’s definitely in their interest to pay.
I think for OP’s father, as others have said, life insurance would be far too much anyway if he has health problems.

My mum had it and it comfortably paid for her funeral with some left over. My dad continued with his - or so he andI thought, but my sister had cancelled it and when his mental health declined she managed to spend all of his money and when it came to pay for his funeral her and her husband had to take out a loan! I refused to help - if they think they have enough to pay why don’t they pre-buy? It shouldn’t be left for you to pay for.

Ok, I had thought being married would make a difference.
If your partner dies before 60 you can get a widows benefit for a year plus lump sum. That gives you time. And we both have pensions that pay a spouses pension.

I kept saying "EPA" out of habit as that was what it was for my mother.
I should have said LPA. Anyway, whatever the current terminology, "Power of Attorney" is what it is!
Thanks.

Ellyess I agree, it's one of those things that is so easy to do and cheap and can just sit there for years (assuming you don't want to change it) until it is needed.

My DM set one up for me and when the time came (several years after it was lodged) it meant I could continue to make sure all her bills were paid and talking to various companies was so easy once you produced the document. Would have been a nightmare if we hadn't have had a LPA done.

You might take out level term life insurance in your 40s or 50s so you would have a lump sum at 70 or 80 that could be invested or used for living expenses or private health care.

Or you might like to be able to give something to your children.

I agree that in the case of the OP's dad the question of life insurance is moot. Power of Attorney would be far more relevant.

Well, I for one am pretty glad that my DH took out life insurance shortly after we married. He died last year (after 46 years of marriage) and it gave me a good lump sum, which means I am not in dire straits. We also had mortgage protection insurance separately, but cancelled that when we paid the mortgage off. He just wanted to make sure I was well provided for should he pre-decease me. I also have a life insurance which he would have got if anything happened to me, but when I go, it will go to our children.

I only have life insurance through my work pension, but if it wasn't packaged that way, I would see no need.

Is it that you want an inheritance when they die?

I’m 65, good SIPP fund, mortgage paid, still work 2 days a week because I love it. I have no life insurance anymore because I suffered a brain haemorrhage 16 years ago. Critical illness paid out, but my life cover was cancelled because they thought I was going to die, and now nobody will insure me. Fortunately I have been able to save and invest enough to have a good retirement fund for myself and my husband.

If your parents own their own home it will not be subject to IHT if they have the house in joint tenancy. However, when both have passed on the value of the house will be subject to IHT, though if children inherit the tax free allowance is higher.(£450K) If they have life assurance then that will be added to the value of the house for IHT purposes, and similarly with over 50's insurance. These ads are appearing all day long on TV and they never say that it is subject to inheritance tax. Even funeral plans are included in the estate. If your parents take out over 50's insurance it will not be as cheap as the ads say either, and you could end up paying it all to the government in tax.
Have you considered taking out insurance or funeral plans for them? They would have to agree of course.
Most elderly people would prefer to remain in their homes when it comes to care. If they do, 'care' rarely includes domestic help and that really is the biggest need. Most elderly couples can manage personal care OK and even on their own, but housework is too much for most. I have never been able to understand how carers can go in for half an hour, get them washed and dressed, give them a cup of tea then leave them to do their own housework. Having a home help do housework is very important. It also keeps the house in good repair.

Non married couples can, I think, set up a tenancy in common so that one can inherit the house when the other passes. It is not enough to be on the mortgage, I think.

It's, their life, let them live it and be grateful they are alive. Get on with your life and be happy for it. Stop worrying about the future, and live for today. The Sun is shining so enjoy it. Best wishes.

@Nanny0gg At what age did he first apply for the policy though? You seem to miss the point entirely. If you apply when you are young and healthy, it is far easier to be accepted than if you applied in your 70s. Can you understand that?

I've only read the first 4 pages of the thread but I wanted to say that even if they both had life insurance now it could become irrelevant in the future.
My mum & dad both had life insurance for as long as I remember. The insurance man used to come to the door and collect the monthly (maybe weekly - or was that the Football Pools man?) insurance money. It was the type of insurance policy that 'matured' and you collected a lump sum.
My mum died young, she had a stroke age 48 and died of a heart attack aged 56. My mum's life insurance paid for her funeral. My dad continued with his life insurance and told us (his 4 children) that it will cover his funeral costs. After a few years he met a lady and they decided to marry. They moved from our parent's house and bought a place together. My dad died 2 years later and his wife came to us wanting money to pay for his funeral but when we asked about the life insurance policy she said she needed money to live on. Unfortunately, my dad didn't write a will expressing his wishes on what should be done in regards to using the life insurance to pay for the funeral.
Needless to say, I have a will, I have a life insurance and, when my second husband and I bought a house together (I had a fully paid up house with no mortgage - we took on a small mortgage) we bought it together as 'Tenants in Common' where I own 75% and he owns 25%. My will states that my daughter will inherit almost all of my estate and the rest to my husband.
People should talk about it more... we're all going to die. Could be today but hopefully not for many years!

Your DPs saying they would refuse to move into a care home is moot. The most likely scenario is that one of them will have an incident which hospitalises them. Eg a fall. At this point they will be in the system. Their home will be assessed to see how realistic it is to return home. The older they are the more likely it is that they will not be allowed home by the authorities and the family will be expected to sort out a care home for them to be discharged to. Usually within a fortnight.

Most Local Authorities are so cash strapped that they will do whatever they can to avoid paying for their care. And there are diminishing numbers of care homes around that will take Local Authority paid residents- the rates are so low they don’t cover their costs, so the private payers are effectively subsidising the publicly funded residents.

My MIL is someone who refused to take any responsibility for her old age. She has dementia which is now pretty bad. She kept saying she wanted to die at home. Even went so far as to say she would throw herself down the stairs to break her neck. She even refused rails on the staircase to facilitate this. In the end she fell in her bedroom and it was several days before we found her. (Although we called every day to check she was ok - she was very stubborn and would often refuse to answer if she didn’t feel like talking to anyone, so we weren’t too worried initially).

She’s now in a home, her house has been sold to pay for it. She hated it and it was very difficult for a few months but we were given no alternative by the hospital and SS.

We visit regularly and take her out or back to ours to give her a change of scenery. She always asks to go back when she gets tired and has accepted this is her place of safety now. She never asks about her old house.

Whatever your DPs say they want may not be possible or allowed - so I would try not to worry about the possibilities too much now.

One practical thing you can do to help ease problems in the future is to arrange Power of Attorney for them. Both for financial and health & wellbeing. They can talk to a solicitor if they want to but it’s just as easy to get the info you need from the government website. You can download the forms and complete them with them. You’ll need some to sign the section to confirm they have capacity (ie they know what they doing).

Actually it would be a good idea if you and your DH do them too.

I have life insurance and no mortgage as I'm a single mum and wanted to be able to leave my child a substantial amount should I die prematurely. Obvs it's no one's business but mine, you're over stepping the mark with your concerns altho I can see it's worrying.