Aibu to be pissed parents have no life insurance

[pregnantforever]

Parents are in their 50s although my dad has the health of a 70year old. They don't take care of themselves and my dad moans every day about how awful his health is but rarely does anything about it.
He makes stupid decisions that are unsafe. Hes self employed and works lots of hours (manual job) with no need to (mortgage free, own their own car, have savings ect). He seems to almost brag about it. Last week sat saying he had had to work in the dark all day in a house where there was no light or electric, in the freezing cold with leaking water everywhere. We all pointed out that he had done this by choice, he's self employed and it's not worth risking his life for, he could have waited until the next day when some of those issues were sorted out but he didn't want to. We said we thought he was irresponsible and he walked off in a big mood.
I told my mum I hoped they had good life insurance if he was going to carry on making stupid decisions like that because she will be left growing old by herself, and she said they had none, and that there was no point in getting any because it would be expensive and their house was paid off anyway.
I don't think owning a house means much. If one of them needs care they will be up shit creek without a paddle. They both insist they want to stay in that house and never go into a care home ect, and my brother won't have anything to do with looking after them, he's not inclined like that. I have a spinal cord injury and don't want all of the burden of taking care of them or one of them being forced to sell up to pay for their care. Surely if they had life insurance then that would at least cover some costs should one of them take a turn? Or do I just need to keep my nose out massively and not worry? I've never asked anything about it before so had no idea they didn't have it.

Wow none of your business op. Apart from inheritance, what is really your problem!?

I wonder how many of us are posting as irritated people in their 50s who have 20-something children of strong opinions

Not me, I'm a child free 40 something who has seen relatives hang onto homes no longer suitable for them and stress about 'losing money', where I think you should use whatever assets you have to make the best of your situation.

I also think it is unfair for what are quite wealthy people, ie those who own an expensive property outright and have much better pensions than younger people, to effectively expect someone else, ie the taxpayer to pay for their care.

@pasturesgreen I think savings would cover funerals but not care fees. I've already stated I'm not expecting any inheritance or worrying about that. If they sold to downsize and had great holidays or sold to rent and put their health first leaving some aside for care I'd be happier seeing them actually looking after themselves and probably have a better relationship with them in that time because I wouldn't be as pressured with the stress of possibly funding care or trying to do it myself.
Massively over worrying at the moment but at the same time the way my dads behaving, I'd like to be ahead of the game and not end up in a situation I'd not seen coming. My mum could work another 10 years and then live another 10+ but my dad is like a walking zombie, he carries on for no reason but he's really not in good health and won't comply with anything a doctor says.
I probably am over Invested and a bit hormonal and stressed I just wish they would think about it more. If I was worried about my own inheritance I wouldn't be encouraging them to put money away for their own care which they clearly need to do if life insurance won't cover it

I don’t think people in that situation do expect the taxpayer to fund their care.

OP, are you actually reading/understanding any of the comments from the posters who understand how payment for the care system work? All you're doing is repeating yourself when many posters have already told you that you won't be expected to either do the care or pay for the care yourself.

You don't have to worry a bit about funding their care. If and when they need carers it's on them to fund it. I'm not raising my kids to believe that they will have to fund my care when I'm older, in the same way my parents didn't expect me to fund their care before they died. Stop thinking about it. If you're worried about your dads health all you can do is tell him. The responsibility to do something about it is his.

@MsVestibule yes I'm understanding a lot more about how it works from the many posters that have explained about life assurance/insurance which tbh I had wrongly assumed would be something that would also cover care costs ect, and the many people that have said they don't pay for it anymore as there is no need has proven that.

I'm not going to bring it up with them again as I brought it up with my mum and she isn't bothered about making any plans, maybe if things don't change in time (a few years down the line) I might encourage her to put some away for her care as I think she will be here the longest but from what previous posters have said they might just get by.

Maybe I'm more pissed at my dad being irresponsible about his health and thinking it all through than the actual situation. I'd love him to just look after himself a bit.

Do they have any pensions?

You understanding of financial stuff is pretty poor op. Sorry.

Care homes cost around £1K a month per person. That's around £12K a year. The average time spend in a care home is 4 years. Your parents would need £100K cash to cover both of them if they needed a care home.

You are being rather silly.

Most people do not have that kind of savings. That is why there has been an on going political debate for years about how to fund a care home. Most families if there is one person in the home only, have to sell the family home. (If someone else is also living there, they cannot be forced to sell it.)

As everyone has said, L I is for the care of children if a parent dies young and it would pay off a mortgage. There is no way anyone in their 50s would get life cover from scratch- we all die, so an insurance company does not pay out much as the person gets older.Most have a cut-off age.

A funeral can be had for around £3K. I am sure your parents have that- you said they have savings.

It is actually better for your parents not to have savings re a care home! The state will pay for a state care home if needed although there is not much choice. People who don't own a home but who need a care home, are found one. Their state pension pays towards it- taken at source.

They are right though. If your dad is in poor health, it will be expensive.does your mum work?

@LIZS she has a workplace pension but doesn't get a good wage so I'm not sure about what that would provide and don't want to ask as I've obviously overstepped a mark here, she did let slip he doesn't have one though. So not really sure where they would stand with that. The more I'm reading this post the more I'm thinking I've had a hormonal day and well overthought it as they are both still alive and kicking. Maybe I'm just anxious at the moment 🤷‍♀️

If you refuse to help financially, they will have to take care of themselves.

We have no life insurance either, mortgage paid off and savings, I am in my early 60s, I do hope DS is not fretting about this and care homes for a few years yet.

They are only in their 50s, you are going to have a long time worrying about it all.

@FrancisCrawford interesting reply and raises some really good points. I have insurance and medical cover but Dh sorts all of that so I've not had that much to do with how it all works.
You are right they might be absolutely fine and I'm obviously over worrying, of course I want them to have good care but I'm not in that situation yet and my main anxiety was that they would be leaving themselves in a position where it would be a big struggle.

Just decide to not pay for them. If they end up having to sell the house then that's their problem.

@LightAsTheBreeze that seems to be the general consensus from all posters which is nice in that it seems normal and they aren't being irresponsible.

I'll fully admit my understanding of it is poor I'm not at all claiming to know it all, and I've obviously got it wrong. I certainly won't be worrying about it as an ongoing thing, it's more a thing that's come up in conversation and played on my mind. But this post has balanced that and I don't need to worry.

I think I'm just an over thinker.

@explodingkitten I've got no problem with them selling their house

I don't really know what you're worrying about. No one I know has life insurance. If your df doesn't care about his health, then why should you? Dps can downsize if they want, or sell the house if necessary.

@Singlenotsingle because I care that they are both ok, obviously?

OP I appreciate that your DH takes care of your finances but don’t you think you should also take an interest. Say something happens to him? Could you manage financially? Do you know how much life insurance you and him have etc? I think that is more worrying than the fact that two 50 year olds don’t have life insurance, mortgage or dependent kids. I’m in my 50s and I’m certainly not worrying about how I am going to pay for care.

I don't get why you're worrying about this, unless you're worried about your inheritance, which you say you're not. Also @Beansandcoffee raises a good point, you might want to look into your own financial situation.

If one of them goes into care then the value of the house is NOT included. If the person needing a care home has less than £20500 then the state pays, plus the patient contributes their state pension and half of any occ pension if married.
If the state contribution plus the patients pension is still insufficient for the chosen care home they have to look for a cheaper one or get a family top up.
The only time a house is sold for care is when both need to go in leaving the house empty.

I had to pay funeral costs for my estranged husband last year. It really wasn't that bad - it came to £4k in total and for that we had a really lovely ceremony, flowers and a wake. We got a proper goodbye and that was what mattered. You don't need expensive cars, posh coffins and all the stuff that really drives the costs up.

And as mentioned you won't be liable for your parents' care costs. That's on them. My DM back home in the Netherlands is 78, in poor health, takes terrible decisions for herself. I fully expect her to be forced into a nursing home in the next 6 months now that she has developed (probably alcohol-related) dementia. And yes, her house will have to be sold to pay for it. So be it, her choices, her consequences.