To ask if your child or children have ASD

[Mumzoo]

Just something I notice on every thread on mumsnet, people mention their "child with ASD". It seems so utterly common on here that it makes me wonder if there are any families out there who still have no children with ASD at all. I have one with (not yet diagnosed but quite evident) ASD and one neurotypical. Growing up I didn't know any children with ASD until a boy joined our secondary school and we were all made aware of this by our teachers in a bid to accept him despite his "odd behaviour". That was one child in a school of 1200 pupils. Now there are one or two in every class. It's quite shocking.

I wondered if parents with children with asd were just more likely to seek support from an online forum.

I think that’s a lot of why OP’s noticed such a large proportion of posters who have children with ASD.

I have a child with ASD in a mainstream school. I don’t know a lot of people in real life who also have children with ASD, so if I want to talk to people who know what that’s like, or get support and advice, then yes, a lot of that’s done online.

And also, because my child is high functioning, there’s a good chance that a few decades ago, he’d have just been written off as naughty and highly strung, and left to flounder along without any support.

The other thing that might be a consideration is the way that both education and employment have changed. Many schools and workplaces in the past were unintentionally HF autism -friendly, the focus being on complying with rules, acquiring knowledge through independent work in visually uncluttered rooms.
Many workplaces required you to know the job well and just do it, without endless social interactions as a requirement.
So many with HFA coped and often thrived. The world is very different now, and in many ways it is a more hostile environment.

I think we are drawn to mumsnet! I obviously do know people in RL with a diagnosis through support groups, but actually at the mainstream school DS went too there werent many chdren with a diagnosis of ASD.

My brother has ASD it isn't diagnosed cos we have shit parents who never bothered to get him any help even though it was glaringly obvious and his school tried to help but parents wouldn't come operate.
He is not a functioning member of society.
My brother in law definitely has add never diagnosed either.
And yes two of my children have ASD.
It's pretty obvious op that diagnostic criteria plus awareness is much better now.
Plus as a society we are in general more accepting
Also a lot if carers live their life online as often as a parent with a disability you don't get out and socialize much.

Why don't you do some research of your own OP rather than have it handed to you on a plate? Your undertone of wide eyed disbelief doesn't really motivate.

And this I find this op quite offensive.

My DS is being assessed at the moment, having displayed enough ASD traits to warrant an assessment.

I've flip flopped between feeling "I'm a shit parent. Other kids will do as they're told, the parents don't take this kind of shit" to "when I put a monumental effort in to get things 'right' for DS, he's wonderfully behaved and a genuinely lovely boy."

But other parents don't 'get' the monumental effort and think I'm pandering to him. Other parents say they will just 'make' their child .... brush their teeth, put shoes on, get in the car etc. But how do you 'make' a child do something when they use every ounce of will to refuse?

This is why online I will always clarify with ASD. It's not as easy as parents with NT kids think. They don't understand that you simply cannot 'make' a child do these things. Of course you can physically abuse your on child, pin them down, overpower them, break their trust, scare and scar them emotionally. And make everything even harder next time...

The poster who suggested parents with ASD kids ended up here after seeking online support is probably right. That’s how I ended up here. The SN boards are fantastic

I ended up here through a Google search. I don't have any relationships with parents in RL who have autistic children. I work fulltime and most support groups are in working hours.

Having an autistic child in mainstream school is a very lonely situation to be in. No one wants to play with my child, zero party invites and by extension I am also viewed as an outcast.
Thank God for online support.

The SN boards are also why I found mumsnet...

I am an infrequent poster on the SN boards but I read them daily.

gamerchick

Why don't you do some research of your own OP rather than have it handed to you on a plate? Your undertone of wide eyed disbelief doesn't really motivate.

Sorry, what am I not believing? And why the need to be so rude? What's being handed to me on a plate? I wanted to know if mumsnet was representational of the general population. Background population has around 1% with ASD but recent studies have claimed it's currently around 3% in children. On mumsnet it seems much more common than 3%.

Tutlefru

This thread seems goady AF.

Why?

There’s also a truth to be had in online support that’s often impossible IRL. I was able to speak openly and ask for advice from others who understood.

Erhm because you are insinuating there is an underhand kind of epidemic. Why do you speak to autistic adults and ask how they feel about that.

It does make sense re looking for support on mumsnet. I also ask for support re my child who we suspect has ASD...however I joined mumsnet whilst pregnant to get pregnancy support, then miscarriage support, then pregnancy support again, long before asking for ASD support..so I don't know why ASD supoort would necessarily be the explanation of why so many posters mention ASD children on posts unrelated to ASD.
I just think thevnumbers seem much higher than we are led to believe.

Cheeeeislifenow

an underhand kind of epidemic.

What does that even mean?

I just think thevnumbers seem much higher than we are led to believe.
.

"Autism is much more common than many people think. There are around 700,000 people on the autism spectrum in the UK – that's more than 1 in 100. If you include their families, autism is a part of daily life for 2.8 million people." www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/myths-facts-stats.aspx

Don't forget too that you can name change on MN so Poster A, Poster B, and Poster C may also be Poster D, Poster E, and Poster F under a different name.

In my area it's notoriously difficult to get a referral, nevermind a diagnosis. When I was a child (I'm 35 now) the kids in our school were just labelled as little shits and no hopers (they are now diagnosed as ASD) so I just think there was the lack of awareness about it. My 14 year old son has autism and goes to a special needs school where he is finally flourishing, my other 2 10 and 8 have no symptoms whatsoever. It was patently obvious when my son was still a baby that there was something going on, he didn't like to be touched or held (he still doesn't but try not holding your baby!) And at 18 months I was told to expect a diagnosis one day which finally came aged 12, even though it was obvious, it's just really hard in my area.

You’re right about the namechanging, I just checked my history and counted over 30 that I jump about with!

My DM was a nursery teacher in an assessment centre for pre-school children with communication disorders until the mid 90's so I was always aware of autism. Referrals to her unit did dramatically increase as time went on.
I have one child with ADHD and one who I suspect has ASD. I personally know 5 children with ASD and one I strongly suspect, all in mainstream.

IRL, parents of kids with ASD and co-morbids who are successful maskers can find that GPs, school and family and friends all dismiss their concerns for years whereas on say MNSN boards, people who are or have been in their position absolutely understand 100% what they are going through.

It really is like being gaslighted by everyone who should listen to you but "doesn't see" what you see.

ChorleyFMcominginyourears

In my area it's notoriously difficult to get a referral, nevermind a diagnosis.

Yes, ours too. In fact the school SENCO said our area currently has a "mental health crisis" among children and CAMHS can't cope with the workload, hence our referral back to SENCO. She also said (interestingly) that neighbouring boroughs don't have this problem.

Ainba
Autism is much more common than many people think. There are around 700,000 people on the autism spectrum in the UK – that's more than 1 in 100.

That's the background population. In children born since 2000 it's more like 3%. On mumsnet it seems much, much higher (whether the reason is the draw of a supporting forum or not). And those figures only include already diagnosed cases...so the numbers really ARE much higher surely?

Mumzoo, what exactly is it that you are trying to point out?

Reading your posts it is almost as if you think that:-
A) There are a lot of people on MN lying about their children having Autism.
B) There is some sort of government cover up/conspiracy to hide the true number of people with Autism whilst simultaneously throwing labels out left, right and centre.

We waited 9 years for a conclusive referral, assessment and diagnosis. Hardly just off the cuff!

"high functioning" is in quotes because it is a bullshit label that doesn't help anyone and it's unhelpful.

Totally agree with this statement. It gives me the rage.

I have an 11 year with Aspergers under the old terminology but can't cope in mainstream due to explosive temper. She didn't get the memo that girls with ASD are supposed to be quiet at school and wait until home time to blow up. I have an NT girl as well.

I think DH has Aspergers and I have a load of traits. I was very awkward and unhappy as a child. I felt like everyone else knew the rules of social interaction and I has been left out. Loads of sensory issues. I am a functional adult with friends and hobbies by my anxiety levels are very high.

Loads of traits on both sides of the family. I suspect MIL on the very creative side of ASD, my grandfather who found his niche in a highly technical job, an uncle who killed himself in his 40s, and a ridiculously intelligent and attractive 'eccentric' aunt who sabotaged her own life.

I think the reason diagnosis is higher is a mix of more understanding of the condition but also modern life being more challenging. More sensory input and busyness. Also the pushing to conform at school. You could get away with dreaming and staring out of the window in the 80s.