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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel they should have spoken to me

139 replies

stressed500 · 14/02/2019 14:43

I'm off work currently with anxiety and work related stress. I've been off since October. I've been told that some of my colleagues have gone to hr about my absence saying they feel if it's time to recruit for my position as they currently don't have anyone covering me. I'm upset because myself and my colleagues got on quite well and thought they would have spoken to me before going to hr.

OP posts:

Mysterycat23 · 14/02/2019 14:44

Why would your colleagues speak to you when you're off work ill?

The employer is to blame by not providing cover. All they have to do is hire a temp.

LilaJude · 14/02/2019 14:46

No, I think they’ve done the right thing. They don’t want to add to your stress, and it isn’t your job to resolve their need for additional support. It’s absolutely an HR issue, not an issue for you to worry about. Them recruiting someone doesn’t mean you won’t have a job to return to - it could easily be temporary cover.

LostInShoebiz · 14/02/2019 14:47

If they had spoken to you, you’d be on here with another AIBU: AIBU to think my colleagues were out of order to harass me about work levels while I’m signed off.

Gizlotsmum · 14/02/2019 14:48

Who told you? I don't think your colleagues are being unreasonable in wanting cover for your role. It could be temporary not to replace you.

Bombardier25966 · 14/02/2019 14:49

Who has told you this? I expect it's more a case that they're asking for support in covering the additional workload, not trying to dictate recruitment policy.

flumpybear · 14/02/2019 14:49

It's not about you, it's about work not getting cover whilst you're off sick - it's their bad, not yours - don't get upset just remember they've a responsibility to you and your colleagues - not your responsibility if you're off sick

Original poster

stressed500 · 14/02/2019 14:50

My colleagues are talking about a permanent person being recruited. One of my colleagues did inform me after they had been to hr.

OP posts:

LilaJude · 14/02/2019 14:54

Tbh if they have been covering your work since October they probably do really need someone. It is for your work to explain that you are off sick and they don’t intend to replace you, and to then find a solution that works (like temporary cover).

You’re entitled to be off when you’re ill, but your colleagues are not being unreasonable to seek a solution if they’re overworked.

I don’t think your colleague should have spoken to you about it though - it’s not your problem to worry about.

AlwaysCheddar · 14/02/2019 15:02

To be fair you’ve been off since October. They are probably picking up your work. You’re still off. What’s going to change that you can go back?

WorraLiberty · 14/02/2019 15:05

They're probably suffering from work related stress too, from the sound of it.

They did absolutely the right thing by not going to you. They could get in a lot of trouble if they had and you reported them to HR.

ErickBroch · 14/02/2019 15:05

Sorry, I don't think YABU but neither are they. If their workload is that difficult they have every right to talk to HR about it. It is not a personal attack on you, they deserve a work balance as well though.

CripsSandwiches · 14/02/2019 15:09

If you're unable to work due to anxiety there wouldn't be anything you could to to help if they came to you and it would surely only make you more stressed?

The issue is that your employer hasn't provided cover.

SparkyBlue · 14/02/2019 15:13

My DH has something similar where he works. A person is off with long term illness and people are getting stressed from covering his work. It's absolutely not a personal attack on you at all OP.

Mmmhmmm · 14/02/2019 15:17

It's stressful and annoying constantly having to cover for other people. It's part of why my husband left his old role.

Springwalk · 14/02/2019 15:23

It is a really long time to be double the work load, of course they need a better solution.
I would not expect them to contact you if you are mentally unwell. They are respecting your privacy.
Did your dr give you a time frame of when you can expect to return?
I am not sure they can leave your position open indefinitely op.

hellsbellsmelons · 14/02/2019 15:24

Is there any chance of you going back anytime soon?
If not then they have a point.
They need the position filled.
It should be on a temporary basis but without knowing your due back date we can't make assumptions.
Does your employer know when you might return?

Notthatsimple · 14/02/2019 15:26

YABU

Amber0685 · 14/02/2019 15:30

Have you given them any indication when you are likely to return? They probably need help covering your role, it isn't personal. I dont know what you expected them to say to you?

ShartGoblin · 14/02/2019 15:31

Actually I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Completely understand why they went to HR and they were right to do so but the person that told you about it afterwards can hardly be excused for not wanting to cause you stress could they? Yes I think they either should have told you beforehand or have not told you at all, not telling you at all being the better option.

chuffnstuff · 14/02/2019 15:31

I'm in the same position though my manager can't find a suitable replacement!

Unless HR start trying to renegotiate your contract you have no reason to be worried.

Yougotdis · 14/02/2019 15:32

Your employer should hire someone to replace you for the period your off work. Otherwise there would be no point in you having a job iyswim. Your colleagues haven’t asked for you to be replaced just for your work to be covered.

Sparklesocks · 14/02/2019 15:35

They are NBU, if they are struggling to cover the workload they need someone in to help. Speaking to you could’ve made you more stressed so they were right not to contact you. It’s HR’s job to help with that type of support for them. How do you know they’ve asked for a permanent person rather than a temp or fixed term contract? Was the colleague who told you that in the meeting? If not, is there any chance they have misinterpreted?

bridgetreilly · 14/02/2019 15:41

They definitely should not be talking to you about this. It's not about your feelings, it's about appropriate levels of staffing. You need to deal with HR and so do they, so that it is all above board. Informal chats are inappropriate here.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/02/2019 15:44

What would you have said if they’d contacted you though? That you’d prefer they didn’t get someone in to cover and risked becoming stressed themselves by covering your workload?

RiverTam · 14/02/2019 15:45

I'm pretty sure that is not legal. I did temping last year, covering for someone who was off sick, she was on 6 week reporting, and I was asked to come back twice when she was signed off for a further 6 weeks. She did eventually resign but in no way was there any issue of her being replaced permanently whilst she was off sick. The manager in particular was very sorry when she resigned.

I would be inclined to get in touch with your HR to discuss this.

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