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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel they should have spoken to me

139 replies

stressed500 · 14/02/2019 14:43

I'm off work currently with anxiety and work related stress. I've been off since October. I've been told that some of my colleagues have gone to hr about my absence saying they feel if it's time to recruit for my position as they currently don't have anyone covering me. I'm upset because myself and my colleagues got on quite well and thought they would have spoken to me before going to hr.

OP posts:

PodgeBod · 15/02/2019 09:17

YABU maybe that staff member isn't happy to do the extra hours anymore. 4 months is a long time for others to be doing the extra work and they aren't happy with the situation any more. Don't take it personally.

RiverTam · 15/02/2019 09:18

if they have requested a permanent replacement then that is out of line and hopefully your HR dept will have slapped them down.

So they have behaved unlawfully (if that's the right term) twice - once by involving you and once by asking for you to be replaced on a permanent basis. I think you would be entitled to speak to your HR dept to get clarification on all this.

I'm really shocked by this. It was made very clear when I was temping that the woman off sick could not be asked when she was returning and that they would keep renewing my contract every 6 weeks. Sh'd been off for a couple of months when they got me in (have attempted to muddle on without her), and I was there for 4-5 months.

Santaclarita · 15/02/2019 09:18

No I'm not close to returning as I'm still quite unwell. Four months isn't that long if I had a physical illness I could quite easily be off four months receiving treatment.

Wow if you are the op that is so selfish of you. They have been doing your job unpaid for 4 months.

Poloshot · 15/02/2019 09:19

You've been off 3 or 4 months what do you expect?

Original poster

Stressed500 · 15/02/2019 09:23

Unfortunately I can't help being unwell. I always did extra hours when I was there and picked up a lot of work that other colleagues should have been doing hence I've ended up unwell.

OP posts:

MarthasGinYard · 15/02/2019 09:24

So again, is there a plan to get you back to work?

Lotuslots · 15/02/2019 09:25

They are in a hard place.And when are you coming back to work.

Original poster

Stressed500 · 15/02/2019 09:26

Yes I'm having counselling and taking medication. It's just a long process unfortunately.

OP posts:

MarthasGinYard · 15/02/2019 09:27

How many hours/days do you work part time?

Original poster

Stressed500 · 15/02/2019 09:28

I work 30 hours a week.

OP posts:

GoGoGadgetGin · 15/02/2019 09:30

I'm confused OPs posts aren't coming up green for me now?

MidniteScribbler · 15/02/2019 09:31

I work 30 hours a week.

No, you don't. Your co-workers are covering 30 hours per week of extra work in your absence.

GoGoGadgetGin · 15/02/2019 09:32

Ah! Namechange to capital S!

OrangeJuiceandLemonade · 15/02/2019 09:33

Are you NHS?

Pk37 · 15/02/2019 09:33

So I don’t think they’re being unfair .
You can’t expect to do your job without getting any extra until you think you’re well enough to go back .
I suffer from anxiety and depression not to your extent though it seems and I think 4 months is quite a long time especially if as you say you will not be going back anytime soon.
They probably didn’t come to you first as they may have thought it would make you feel guilty or put more pressure on you. Mental health is a tricky thing for people who don’t completely understand and they were trying to tread carefully by the sounds of it

Pk37 · 15/02/2019 09:34

I should spell check!
First bit was *sorry not so , and second bit should be you can’t expect “them”

RiverTam · 15/02/2019 09:35

it's not about being fair or unfair. They are acting unlawfully.

The provisions (or lack thereof) that her employers put into place are not the OP's concern.

ambereeree · 15/02/2019 09:44

The colleague who told you they went to HR is out of order and would be in a lot of trouble if reported to HR.

Myshinynewname · 15/02/2019 09:45

I work part time; when other people are on holiday or sick for a week or two I am happy to pick up some extra hours and I get paid extra for them. But I’m part time because I have a lot of other stuff going on in my life. I can put stuff on hold, cut corners and skip some things for a couple of weeks, longer than that and I can’t manage. If I could I would be full time in the first place!
Sorry you’re so ill but four months is a really long time OP - especially with no end in sight - no matter what the reason. I’m not saying you should go back before you’re ready but you must be able to understand why other team members are struggling to do all your work as well as their own.

StealthPolarBear · 15/02/2019 09:50

Of course if people are off sick their employers are allowed to ask when they're coming back! But usually if they're signed off their sick note has an end date. How on earth could you run a business without knowing when you might have sick staff back again?

Chewbecca · 15/02/2019 09:54

It would've been really inappropriate for your colleagues to speak to you about how they were struggling to cover your work. You can't solve that problem and don't need to worry about it. They were right to speak to HR.

If you're off with work related stress, would it be better to switch off from work altogether?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 15/02/2019 09:54

Stress and anxiety is awful, I've been there so you have my sympathy. But.....four months is a long time to be off work with others picking up the extra, especially as you say you are not even close to going back. I work for a small company, there is no way I could be off that long without being replaced. It's irrelevant whether your colleagues like you, your issues are affecting their daily life now. When I had anxiety and stress I HAD to go in if I wanted to keep my job, plus I also think these things do get worse without a purpose but I guess everyone has different ways of dealing with it.

But yes OP you are BU, if you're not capable of doing a job that you are paid to do the fairest thing really is to resign, get yourself better and then start again when you are well.

Santaclarita · 15/02/2019 09:56

And they are now picking up your work, what part of that aren't you understanding? They are now over worked, stressed etc.

calilark · 15/02/2019 10:00

I can understand them asking for help if you have been off since October, is there kind of forecast for when you might be back? Over 4 months of them having to pick up your workload is a really long time, so no wonder they need help!

RiverTam · 15/02/2019 10:03

Santa that is not the OP's problem - what part of that don't you understand?

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