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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel they should have spoken to me

139 replies

stressed500 · 14/02/2019 14:43

I'm off work currently with anxiety and work related stress. I've been off since October. I've been told that some of my colleagues have gone to hr about my absence saying they feel if it's time to recruit for my position as they currently don't have anyone covering me. I'm upset because myself and my colleagues got on quite well and thought they would have spoken to me before going to hr.

OP posts:
Chloemol · 14/02/2019 19:24

Why don’t you trying and put yourself in their shoes. If one of them had been off since October and you and the others had been covering the work, no doubt for no extra pay, then I am sure you would be looking for support to replace the missing person. Especially if you are not going back soon. You are being unreasonable

WrongKindOfFace · 14/02/2019 19:27

They did the right thing in going to HR if they’re struggling, but they probably shouldn’t have told you.

Realistically are you going to be able to go back to that job? Or is it time to find something that’s a better fit?

Dreamsofnr2 · 14/02/2019 19:34

Sorry but if you're off with work related stress then maybe you should think about quitting instead as it obviously not the job for you. If you are still getting full pay then maybe your employer can't afford to replace you temporarily and it's unreasonable and unfair to expect your colleagues to pick up the slack because you can't "cope"

Original poster
Stressed500 · 14/02/2019 19:52

I wouldn't have minded if they were looking for temporary cover but trying to make me leave my job is unfair. I've seen many posts on here from people who have been off work related stress and gone back eventually.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/02/2019 20:20

They're colleagues that you get on quite well with, not friends so don't take it so personally.

If they've been covering your job for 4 months as well as trying to do their own, they've every right to want HR to do something about it.

If you're suffering from work related stress then you'll understand that surely?

Hopefully HR can put something in place for them to help them cope.

LittleTipple · 14/02/2019 21:06

Your colleagues may have asked for a permanent recruit not to replace you, but because additional help is needed even when you return. If you're off with stress I assume the team was over-worked when you were there and it must be a busy environment. They may just feel an extra permanent person is needed and have raised the issue. Until you speak to HR you won't know the facts.

Does your company know what needs to change in order to reduce your work-related stress and enable you to return? What are they doing to support your return to work?

NannyRed · 14/02/2019 21:12

If they had spoken to you, you’d be on here with another AIBU: AIBU to think my colleagues were out of order to harass me about work levels while I’m signed off.
I totally agree with this ⬆️

I also wonder what you think you would have told your colleagues had they “spoke to you” first. HR can give real answers about getting cover. You’re off sick, concentrate on getting yourself better and be well enough to return rather than worry about work.

OhDiddums · 14/02/2019 23:17

Whilst you're off sick your colleagues shouldn't be badgering you or updating you which could contribute to your stress. They can't recruit for a permanent member of staff whilst you're still employed. Unfortunately most employers don't consider cover whilst someone is off on long term sickness. Maybe they haven't got cover for you because they can't anticipate how long you'll be off for. If you want updates and you're happy to hear about any changes at work I would discuss this with your manager in any calls or visits you have with them. But if a member of my team was off on long term sickness I wouldn't contact them with anything work related but I'd probably message to say I hope you're feeling better soon if I had a good relationship with them.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/02/2019 23:33

They can't recruit for a permanent member of staff whilst you're still employed.

Why not?

I can’t see that there was any purpose in contacting you and agree with other posters that it would have been inappropriate. YABU.

JasperKarat · 15/02/2019 00:11

What were they supposed to do just keep doing the extra work indefinitely? They've done the right thing, the only thing they shouldn't have done is told you what had happened

fargo123 · 15/02/2019 00:19

Sorry but if you're off with work related stress then maybe you should think about quitting instead as it obviously not the job for you. If you are still getting full pay then maybe your employer can't afford to replace you temporarily and it's unreasonable and unfair to expect your colleagues to pick up the slack because you can't "cope"

Exactly.

The colleagues are doing their job plus yours, and I very much doubt they're being compensated extra for it. Of course they weren't unreasonable to approach HR in order to find a better solution.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/02/2019 00:56

I was under the impression that work colleagues weren't supposed to contact people signed off for stress or similar, to talk about work.
If this is the case, then they shouldn't have spoken to you about it, either before or after speaking to HR. HR should have been the only contact.
But I'm no expert and things may have changed too.

JenniferJareau · 15/02/2019 05:10

From the OP

I'm off work currently with anxiety and work related stress.

It wouldn't have stressed me out more knowing as I like to know fully what's going on.

How were they to know that? No workplace would worry someone off with work related stress about staffing issues, or they shouldn't.

Has it occurred to you that this didn't happen at all and your colleague said this as she thinks you've had too much time off, is fed up of covering your work and said it as a 'shot across your bow' to try and push you into returning?

Santaclarita · 15/02/2019 06:07

Well you've been off work for 4 months. Some places are understaffed as it is, probably why you became stressed and went off sick. They are now even more over worked. Of course they want help. They get zero extra pay for what they are doing.

They rightly shouldn't have told you about it at all. You seem to be more annoyed that they didn't ask your permission to do it. You don't need kept informed of work related stuff, you aren't working. Your sick time is to get better, not be involved.

iamkahleesi · 15/02/2019 06:30

Agree with pp they were right to ask for support, you have been off a long time and that puts unfair pressure on the rest of the team if not adequately covered. Your colleague was not being supportive by telling you after the event, that's just stirring.

Are you aiming to return soon or is it time to think about leaving?

anniehm · 15/02/2019 06:57

Are you close to returning (and they know that)? Unless this is the case they have every right to ask what is happening - 4 months is a long time to cover for someone. Every company has different sick policies but by 6 months most do start to put into action a plan to either return the employee part time/different role or the process of dismissal unless there's a specific medical plan for return.

GnomeDePlume · 15/02/2019 07:45

What on earth do firms do when multiple people are on long-term sick leave?

IME pretend it isnt happening, leave the the team to pick up the slack. When my line manager went off, senior managers left me to cover her work as well as my own. Nothing got said.

Not all roles can be covered by bringing a temp in. The team may be worried that temps will add to the stress by coming in, needing to be trained up then disappearing again.

In terms of work, getting a permanent person in may feel sensible for the team. This may be what was expressed to HR. Doesnt mean that is what will happen.

How your absence is covered isnt for you or the team to decide. Your colleague shouldnt have contacted you.

MidniteScribbler · 15/02/2019 09:00

How long do you expect people to keep doing your job for no extra remuneration just to spare your feelings about a business needing to move on from an employee who hasn't been seen for 4 months?

Original poster
Stressed500 · 15/02/2019 09:04

No I'm not close to returning as I'm still quite unwell. Four months isn't that long if I had a physical illness I could quite easily be off four months receiving treatment.

OP posts:
PBo83 · 15/02/2019 09:04

To be fair, if you've been off with 'work related stress' and your colleagues have covered said work for 4 months (presumably with no extra pay) then they are overdue asking for help.

MarthasGinYard · 15/02/2019 09:07

'Four months isn't that long if I had a physical illness I could quite easily be off four months receiving treatment.'

Wow

It's a hell of a long time for your colleagues to cover your role.

MarthasGinYard · 15/02/2019 09:08

'Work related stress'

I'm thinking HR must be working with you on a plan to get you back into your role? Be it supported.

Original poster
Stressed500 · 15/02/2019 09:09

I don't have a problem with them requesting a temp. It's fact they have requested a permanent replacement.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stressed500 · 15/02/2019 09:10

One of them that was part time has been given extra paid hours to cover my work. I was only part time myself.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 15/02/2019 09:14

Your original question I would say yes YABU

If I was your colleague and you had been off months with 'work related stress' I certainly wouldn't be contacting you with anything work related.