Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel they should have spoken to me

139 replies

stressed500 · 14/02/2019 14:43

I'm off work currently with anxiety and work related stress. I've been off since October. I've been told that some of my colleagues have gone to hr about my absence saying they feel if it's time to recruit for my position as they currently don't have anyone covering me. I'm upset because myself and my colleagues got on quite well and thought they would have spoken to me before going to hr.

OP posts:
GetOffTheTableMabel · 14/02/2019 15:52

It’s entirely natural that you should feel anxious about this - you have anxiety. This would make most people feel a little worried, whatever illness was keeps them from work. I hope you can see that your concern is understandable but your condition is exacerbating it so that this probably feels very personal, when it’s likely that it’s not personal at all.
Covering your role since October will be having a knock-on effect on your colleagues. Think about how it would have been for you if you were at work and needed, for over 4 months, to absorb a part of someone else’s role. If they need additional support, it doesn’t mean that they don’t like you as a person and it doesn’t mean that they don’t respect you as a co-worker, it just means that they’ve got too much on. They haven’t involved you in that problem because they shouldn’t. They shouldn’t bother you with it as a friend or as a colleague. You’re not well and taking things personally is one of the symptoms of your illness. It’s not easy but try to step outside yourself and imagine one of your friends or colleagues was in your situation - wouldn’t you advise them just to concentrate on getting well? Please be as reassuring to yourself as you would be to a friend.

RiverTam · 14/02/2019 15:56

GetOff the issue is that the OP's role wasn't properly covered - you can't just split someone's job between the rest of the staff, a temp should have been employed.

Magenta82 · 14/02/2019 15:59

They are probably struggling and needed help.
The only unreasonable thing here is the person who told you about it.

JenniferJareau · 14/02/2019 16:01

I'm off work currently with anxiety and work related stress.

Why would they have contacted you? Surely if you are off with stress and anxiety you should be concentrating on getting better, not be being made worse by updates such as this. I would have gone to HR to ask for a temp to be brought in as the workload was too much but never would have contacted you about it. You need to get better, not be worried about work place issues.

Original poster
stressed500 · 14/02/2019 16:07

It wouldn't have stressed me out more knowing as I like to know fully what's going on.

OP posts:
lostvoice · 14/02/2019 16:09

We've been told if someone is off sick we are not allowed to contact them about anything to do with work

And if I were in their shoes I wouldn't have wanted to tell you for fear of making you more anxious, regardless of whether you feel you would be able to deal with it

Stripyhoglets · 14/02/2019 16:10

Is it public sector? There's no money to recruit cover so people pick up the slack- and more people feel ill. If you aren't well enough to work your colleagues telling you before they go to HR to ask for cover won't change that!

Grace212 · 14/02/2019 16:11

OP "It wouldn't have stressed me out more knowing as I like to know fully what's going on"

but they have to follow procedure.

I'd be more annoyed with the person who told you they had gone to HR.

RomanyQueen1 · 14/02/2019 16:13

Your colleague shouldn't have informed you, it's a HR issue concerning those covering your work and nothing to do with you as you are off ill.

RiverTam · 14/02/2019 16:19

I dispute that her colleagues going to HR to ask about getting her permanently replaced is 'proper procedure'. And if someone is signed off sick I believe their employers are not allowed to ask when they are coming back.

m0therofdragons · 14/02/2019 16:20

If it gets to the point that your sickness cannot be covered by colleagues then HR will need to take steps to look at whether there's a chance you'll return and they'll recruit on temp basis or if it's unlikely you'll return or your sickness record is not workable for the business then they can come to an agreement whereby you leave and they recruit. Covering for four months is a hell of a long time so it's reasonable colleagues would do this IMO and if you're friendly with them then it's fair not to tell you. They're overstretched at work, telling you would just upset you and achieve nothing.

Sirzy · 14/02/2019 16:22

It isn’t your responsibility who is covering you.

But when someone is off with work related stress then unless properly covered that will inevitably add to the work related stress for others so after 4 months they are right to be asking hr questions about the support they need to keep covering

RiverTam · 14/02/2019 16:26

they are right to ask questions about support, they are not right to ask for her position to be recruited for.

strawberrisc · 14/02/2019 16:28

Five people off here. I'm grabbing a five minute break. Nobody recruited to replace them temporarily.

LittleTipple · 14/02/2019 16:30

OP if it helps put your mind at rest, give HR a call and see what the plan is. Have you been given clear guidance on what your terms are - how long sick pay is paid, how long your position can be held open, option for temporary cover etc? Hopefully this would ease your anxiety.

However you have to accept you've been out of the workplace for several months and whilst off sick you won't be part of every decision. Of course your colleagues shouldn't have come to you first - HR would have a real issue with them contacting someone signed off sick, to complain they can't cope with the workload caused by your absence! It's between your colleagues and HR to find a solution while you are off. If I'd have been off several months I would expect my position to be covered to support my colleagues.

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 14/02/2019 16:33

They probably have work-related stress now from covering your role.

RiverTam · 14/02/2019 16:40

So? That's not the OP's problem and is hardly good for her own state of health!

IrmaFayLear · 14/02/2019 16:49

What on earth do firms do when multiple people are on long-term sick leave? And not everywhere is the public sector...

itsgoodtobehome · 14/02/2019 16:56

How long are you expecting them to cover your work load before they look for someone else? YABU.

RiverTam · 14/02/2019 16:56

they get temps in and ideally take a good long hard look at themselves. Any company with droves of staff off sick is doing something wrong.

SileneOliveira · 14/02/2019 16:56

And on the other hand... "OMG cannot believe it, I'm off work sick with stress and my colleagues have been contacting me about work!"

What on earth do firms do when multiple people are on long-term sick leave?

Struggle on with temps. Ask people to pick up the slack, ask if a part time worker can do additional hours. And manage the long term sick people out asap if there's no prospect of a prompt return.

SlinkyDinkyDoo · 14/02/2019 17:00

Try not to take it personally. I know that's difficult. Most people can pitch in and help for a few weeks but any longer is often stressful. Management should have got a temp in. Not your fault. They've been very professional.
Coming to you direct might be seen as harassment. They're only human, they need the position filled in some way, it's been 3 months after all.

KarmaStar · 14/02/2019 17:44

Yes OP,sorry but you are.You are off work.

lyralalala · 14/02/2019 17:48

Colleagues are very unreasonable to be announcing to the OP that they’ve requested a permanent replacement for her. It’s completely not their place to decide when or if she should be let go by the company.

Not unreasonable at all to have requested a temp to help ease the workload while someone is off.

Grace212 · 14/02/2019 18:19

RiverTam "I dispute that her colleagues going to HR to ask about getting her permanently replaced is 'proper procedure'."

I'm not sure if you meant me, but as I used the word "procedure", just to clarify, I meant it would be the proper procedure for them not to contact her while she is off sick. It seems like OP thinks she should have been told about all this - though confusingly she has been - but I think it's following procedure not to be in touch with the person who is off sick.

as it is, I wonder if the OP has been correctly informed, maybe people asked for temporary cover?