Roses sent to daughter

[RosesAreWrong]

I’ve NC as this is potentially outing.

A big bunch of red, expensive looking roses have just arrived for my 7 year old daughter. Sent to her by an older boy who she fell out with some time back and for various reasons we have kept them “gone” as his family were way too full on and always trying to make out they were a couple (puke!)

Obviously it’s his mother who has done this but I feel uncomfortable about it.
I feel like this, way ott and slightly inappropriate gesture is just a pressure tool and just feels wrong.

I’m not sure what to do with them and DD has an after school activity so I have a bit of time.

Probably just say to your DD that the boy and his DM had sent them which is the truth as the 9 year old boy wouldn’t have sent them on his own. Then just stick them in a vase, no need to show her the card

I can’t believe a 9 year old kid would have around £45 in pocket money to be doing this kind of shit. Red roses at Valentines are outlandishly expensive.

The fact he might have saved up all his pocket money doesn't make this any less creepy or inappropriate.

Ignore

the fall out is between the parents and should never involve the children

But that's not what happened. The OP says that the children fell out and she didn't encourage them to make up because she found the other child's mother too intense.

You really can't see what's weird about an adult sending a child a 'romantic' gift on behalf of another young child?

The fact he might have saved up all his pocket money doesn't make this any less creepy or inappropriate.

If it came directly from the DS why would it be creepy? You do realise he is a 9 year old CHILD not a grown man?
What's weird is it coming from the mother but I'm not sure OP has said she has solid proof they came from the mother (sorry if I missed this bit)

I would not let dd know anything about them, but just text the mother saying that the flowers have arrived and that you won't be giving them to your dd but to the local old folks home/neighbour etc.

Or leave them outside her door.

No thank you, no sorry, no apologies whatsoever.

Then do not engage in anyway whatsoever with whatever she responds with. People as unboundaried as this need others to be rock solid in theirs. It's also not fair on your dd to know, as it's not really about 'her' but this woman's fantasy of 'her', which is distinct from who dd actually is.

If dd ever finds out, you can explain that you didn't tell her about them or give them to her as you thought it was inappropriate and unfair on her to have to manage such a 'grown up' thing at 7 years of age.

I agree with PP who said don't lie to your daughter about them. Give them away. Take them to school and give them to the office? And carry on keeping the mother at arm's length.

We had friends of the family, both sets of parents were always seemingly desperate that one of us would marry a DC from the other family. It never happened. But we were teenagers and were just and vom. It would have been like marrying our siblings.

However, I have a friend who is always talking about when her DD gets married to the DS of another friend, it's territorial and just weird, I know she's not 100 per cent serious (maybe 90 ha ha) but it's totally about wanting control over who they marry. And she's been saying it since they were tiny. Other friend totally ignores it.

Oh come on!!!!! A 9 year old boy saves up £45 or £50, goes on the internet or into a florist, hands over payment and the correct address to send them to. All the while knowing that it’s Valentines day in about a weeks time, for they would’ve had to be ordered in advance and the most common thing to do is to send big bunches of red roses.

Cool story. No he didn’t.

If DS (10) had £45, it would go on PS4 games, definitely not roses!

If a child that age wanted to give flowers surely they would just get a small cheap bunch from a supermarket, I bought myself some very nice reduced tulips in Waitrose for 99p yesterday. There were lots of bunches of flowers under a fiver

Weeeeeird!

Don’t send them back though. Likely to trigger some response?

At 7 the DCs believed preeeetty much anything we sold them, so I’d arrange them beautifully and declare them a gift to myself

The woman sounds mental. I really hate the ‘oh he is her boyfriend, it’s sooooo sweet’ brigade, just because their child has walked next to one of the opposite sex so I suppose I might not be impartial, but I would be absolutely weirded out by this. Your DD is 7! I am absolutely gagging to know the backstory which is voyeuristic of me I know.

I’d give them back with a short shift

The fall out was between the children not the parents but I didn’t encourage DD to patch things up as I usually would have because we had both had enough of the whole family. She has other friends and lots of hobbies.

They were sent by interflora so I couldnt be 100% which florist organised them but they cost sixty five bloody quid! (That’s euro, probably about £50

I brought them into my lovely neighbor but explained the situation, she was delighted with them but also thought it was totally inappropriate.

I couldn’t have kept them either because I’d have to lie to DD and I’m a single parent so she’d probably think there was someone “on the scene” -if she only knew

Thanks for all your help, I’m changing back to my own NN now because I keep almost reply to other things as this name!

-not roses!

What an awful situation! I think you did the right thing OP - will you ever see her though, will you just come across her in the shops or something?

What did she do when the kids fell out that was so weird? I like a good tale of weirdness.

Well I have heard a lot of things in my years on Earth but this quite takes the

How bizarre.

I think you’ve done the right thing to give them away. It’s really intense and inappropriate of her to do that.

She sounds bizzare to be honest

Sounds like the mother has completely misjudged it as she sounds a bit wackadoo. But I'd say it's misjudged and inappropriate rather than sinister/creepy. I feel a bit sorry for the son that his mother would think it's ok to do this (@ £50 + this is obviously down to the mum). But that is of course not your problem in any shape or form.

Def not someone you want to give an "in" back into your lives though. I think I'd ignore the flowers and not say anything to her. Is she likely to come bounding up at school asking if you've received them do you think though?

The same happened to me when I was 7. There was a boy in my class besotted with me and one Valentine’s Day he was awaiting me in the playground with a florist bouquet of a dozen red roses!

I recall we thought it was OTT at the time but looking back I’m quite dumbfounded that his mother actually spent (or allowed her 7 year old child) that sort of money

Totally unhinged.

Glad your neighbour is delighted. Other parent sounds like a nightmare and your DD has had a narrow escape!

Bizarre ignore