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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Roses sent to daughter

133 replies

RosesAreWrong · 14/02/2019 13:56

I’ve NC as this is potentially outing.

A big bunch of red, expensive looking roses have just arrived for my 7 year old daughter. Sent to her by an older boy who she fell out with some time back and for various reasons we have kept them “gone” as his family were way too full on and always trying to make out they were a couple (puke!)

Obviously it’s his mother who has done this but I feel uncomfortable about it.
I feel like this, way ott and slightly inappropriate gesture is just a pressure tool and just feels wrong.

I’m not sure what to do with them and DD has an after school activity so I have a bit of time.

OP posts:

Alsohuman · 14/02/2019 14:30

Weird doesn't even begin to cover this. Please don't bin them, it's such a waste. No hospital is going to want them. Do you have friend or neighbour who would appreciate them?

diddl · 14/02/2019 14:31

"And his Mum clearly sent them as a gesture of kindness in a bid to patch up your severed friendship."

Then why not send Op flowers at some point?

Why roses to Op's 7yr old from her 9yr old on Valentine's Day?

turncloak · 14/02/2019 14:32

@RosesAreWrong
Completely agree that roses are a bit 'much' for a 7 year old and a handmade card might have been a bit more child-friendly. It was clearly the Mums idea though and her way of reaching out. If you don't want to continue the friendship just pop them in a vase and don't tell your DD - no point in letting nice flowers go to waste.

DoingMyBest2010 · 14/02/2019 14:32

Odd. Why don't you hand in the flowers to a local nursing home? And maybe keep 1 rose in a vase.

WhenTheSkyFalls · 14/02/2019 14:32

I would definitely send them back! And not tell DD! It's not ok to 'romanticise' a childhood friendship thats none existent anymore!

Toooldtocareanymore · 14/02/2019 14:33

my goodness the expense , what was the woman thinking, just to try and make a reconciliation between kids, weird, , maybe she has shares in the florists? i'd hate you to bin them but I understand hard for you to simply enjoy them in the situation, if I was you i'd sent the thank you card from you directly to the mum, saying it was obviously from her, and while you appreciate it was simply a nice gesture, but you and your dh feel it is entirely inappropriate for your dd as a child to accept flowers from a boy, a polite thank you but no. I feel dumping them on her doorstep is getting involved in a way you don't want to. is your dd and the boy in school is he likely to see her to mention them to your dd cos his mum might say it to him.

StealthPolarBear · 14/02/2019 14:34

Yep I can imagine DD and her friends making bracelets for each other or whatever because that's what children do. Children on the whole don't care about roses unless they're edible surely.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/02/2019 14:34

I'd probably donate them elsewhere - old folk's home suggestion upthread sounds good.

The mother sounds distinctly odd. Do you see her at the school gate? If so I'd tell her to her face that her behaviour is batshit and that I'd given the flowers away. What's the father like?

defectiveinspector · 14/02/2019 14:35

I'd message the Mum to say the flowers are inappropriate and that you are not giving them to your DD. Then block her!

LightAsTheBreeze · 14/02/2019 14:35

I’d keep them for myself and not tell her, waste to throw them out. I couldn’t be bothered with running round donating them, they will be dead and gone in a few days.

Lovemusic33 · 14/02/2019 14:38

I would find this creepy.

Either keep them for yourself (tell dd your dh bought them if she asks) or give them away.

Don’t tell your dd who they are from.

sounds like the mother is crazy.

Ollypops14 · 14/02/2019 14:38

Get a Grip !!

SpanielEars070 · 14/02/2019 14:39

I'd dump them on her doorstep. Don't accept them whatever you do.

What an utterly weird thing to do! A bag of sweets and a card fair enough but expensive roses...... she's way too invested and I think you need to send a sharp message that enough is enough now. Send DH if you're too nervous to do it.

RiverTam · 14/02/2019 14:40

I think that's a highly manipulative thing for the mother to do to your DD. I would get rid, one way or another.

Original poster

RosesAreWrong · 14/02/2019 14:40

They were actually delivered, which sort of added to the inappropriateness! Because the man assumed I was “my daughters name”

Yeah there’s quite the backstory but all very outing. The boy is ok but his mother is unbelievably suffocating. Never gave them a minute, always disturbed them to gaze wistfully at them and talk about my DD being her daughter in law and would they take each other to the “prom” etc.
When they fell out i saw the full extend of her unhingedness so used it as an excuse to skidaddle.
They aren’t in the same school, thank god!

OP posts:

Calloway · 14/02/2019 14:43

The fact they're not in the same school makes the whole thing much easier to manage I'd imagine!

SpiritedLondon · 14/02/2019 14:43

I couldn’t be bothered with running round donating them, they will be dead and gone in a few days

You’re referring to the flowers right? ( and not the old folks? 😂)

Are they signed from him or from a secret admirer? To be honest I would probably stick them in a vase in my bedroom and never mention them. If the mother mentioned it I would probably say they were inappropriate ( given the £££ spent) but otherwise I would be a bit British about it. A handmade card or note would be an entirely different prospect, not crazily expensive flowers.

Hollanda · 14/02/2019 14:43

My 7 year old son has a girlfriend. They hug (well she hugs him and he tolerates it!) It's all innocent and childish "I gave her my last Haribo" and I get on with her Mummy. No WAY would I ever do this?!?! I would have encouraged a handmade card at a push. Any more is odd and OTT.

YANBU.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/02/2019 14:43

I'm in the US and it would NOT be 'usual' for a 9 yr old's mother to send roses to a 7 yr old for Valentine's Day!

I think a 'statement' needs to be made as this appears to be a tentative 'reach out' by the mother and may presage more direct tries.. If possible without confrontation, I'd put the roses on her front step with a terse note that says "These have been returned before DD could see them. Don't do anything like this again. Any such gestures in the future will be returned or binned". If you can't return them discreetly, I'd simply send similar in a message, telling her you have disposed of the flowers before DD could see them etc etc.

Sorry if I've missed this but do they attend the same school and is the school aware of this situation?

maslinpan · 14/02/2019 14:45

She referred to your 7yr old as her DAUGHTER-IN-LAW?? Bloody hell! You need to be very direct with this woman and tell her to back right off.

diddl · 14/02/2019 14:45

What's the liklihood of your daughter finding out who they are from from either the boy or his mother?

Drum2018 · 14/02/2019 14:45

Do you have contact details for this nutjob? If so I would say it was far too much and that your little girl is too young for this kind of nonsense, so you will not be telling her about them. Then do what you like with them. There's nothing cute about this scenario seeing as you have already had to consciously step back from this family. It's a bit creepy.

HappyLife21 · 14/02/2019 14:45

Totally freaky!

LightAsTheBreeze · 14/02/2019 14:46

Yes I am referring to the flowers!! Blimey, just see what I wrote

AryaStarkWolf · 14/02/2019 14:46

Fuck them in the bin and forget about it

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