To feel that his suicide is inevitable and I can’t prevent it.

[fearfullotsofthetime]

I love someone who struggles with his mental health, he’s honest about experiencing suicidal ideation periodically. He’s fully prepared to take his own life previously, bought the relevant items etc. When he’s well, he’s magnificent but he can deteriorate quickly and I feel like, should he decide to take his own life, I wouldn’t be able to prevent this.

How do I live with this? If he doesn’t answer my call or my text isn’t read for a while, I worry that he might have taken his life.

It’s destroying me. Any advice would be appreciated.

Please see a counsellor and find ways to deal with his approach to you.
You need to address your anxiety..and remember he addresses his. If a minor issue is sending over the edge he needs serious help. His issue.
You cannot live on eggshells

It sounds like the relationship is bad for your mental health. Walking away is probably your best option.

And to repeat above

You aren't doing him any good and he isn't going you any good.

And yes, disclose what he’s been saying to his GP and MH services.

When I do something that he’s unhappy with, he absolutely does tell me that I need to think more deeply about my behaviour as he’s fragile due to mental health. Which heightens the anxiety I experience.

This is no way to live your life OP.

You sound imprisoned by this relationship, it sounds abusive to me.

Speak to someone- you are not responsible for your boyfriends actions.
I agree about telling his GP.

Get out - this is a toxic relationship.

When I do something that he’s unhappy with, he absolutely does tell me that I need to think more deeply about my behaviour as he’s fragile due to mental health. Which heightens the anxiety I experience.

Woah! So he holds you to ransom over his MH? How much care does he take to make YOU happy or look after you? Or it it all about him, him, him??

He's being abusive. Walk away, OP. You are NOT responsible for him.

Your MH will improve immeasurably when you are away from him.

I suggest you do the Freedom Programme too.

OP that is no way to live your life. How would you feel if he took his life and you were left to feel like it was your fault? It's tremendously unfair of him to say things like that to you. You may love him but you also need to love yourself and you're ruining your own life to save his, when he doesn't even want to save his.

OP there is NEVER a reason that you have to put up with this type of abuse- EVER.

GET OUT.

I cannot fully relate, but I wholeheartedly agree with getting yourself some support.
My Dad was like this. My childhood memories are either great (when he was ok with life) or poor. My mother done everything she could and tried to shield us from a lot of it. As we got older he'd regularly make comments to us, especially me as I'm the oldest. Things like he won't be around to see us marry/grandchildren, how when he's dead he won't care. His favourite song was the who, my generation and would frequently sing the line 'I hope I die before I get old'. He was a big burly guy you wouldn't associate this with and if someone suggested mental health issues he'd hit the roof. We learnt to accept it.
The behaviour got worse when I was in my late teens and I'd always wonder if he'd return from work, or he'd disappear for hours, then days and we felt useless, just waiting for the police visit. He had a couple of attempts which were spoiled, but eventually he succeeded. I always knew he was going to do it, just didn't know when. I grew up accepting he wasn't going to be around long term. He was right though, he's missed our weddings and the grandchildren.
It's different being my Dad, but I wouldn't have left him. I now realise none of this is my fault after many, many years of therapy wondering why we were so awful he wanted to kill himself to get away from us. It did ruin us. EMDR therapy worked wonders and there's so much support out there so you don't have to carry this alone

When I do something that he’s unhappy with, he absolutely does tell me that I need to think more deeply about my behaviour as he’s fragile due to mental health. Which heightens the anxiety I experience.

Yeah, no. That's abusive. My ex husband was like that. I got rid. Five years on he's still alive, despite a number of phone calls and texts when I first left him telling me he was about to kill himself. I simply called 999 and told the police and they attended. On more than one occasion he was actually found to be having pizza and beers with his mates, not sitting with a load of tablets.

You are not a professional, he needs professional help.
IME it is very easy to get dragged down by your partners issues, before you know it you may feel similar thoughts from the brain washing if you like.
You can't save him, I have had family members take their lives, I have had suicidal thoughts myself but he is using these to control you.
This man may be depressed and not fully aware but he is manipulating you and will drag you down. You will need lots of therapy after this relationship, whichever way it ends.
Save yourself.

Your latest update proves he's abusive. Does he work? Does he blame family, friends, colleagues for his 'fragile MH' ? I'm going to guess he doesn't because he's not fragile. He's manipulative.
The next time he threatens suicide or 'disappears', call the police. Tell them you're concerned for his welfare and that he's causing you fear and alarm with his threats.
My friend's ex threatened suicide.Eventually one night she called the police. After a night in the cells (welfare concern and possible breach of the peace), he never threatened suicide again.
You need counselling. You need to stop being a people pleaser and you need to work out why you have a martyr complex (not a criticism - I had one too) and then you can start to move on.

fearfullotsofthetime your 06:56 post shows him in his true light - read the replies after that and leave him today.

That is all shades of fucked up OP.

To continue the cancer analogy, it is serious, and often fatal, and you personally CANNOT fix this. In fact you may be making it worse. (Look up codependency)

Your recent updates make him sound very abusive, playing on your poor mental health and holding you down with threats he ‚‘might‘ do something.

I’ve suffered on and off since my teens (and am middle aged) with suicidal thoughts. No one but my therapist knows. certainly I have Never dangled it over a Partner.. and the one person I was close to who did take their own life absolutely never mentioned it. Just quietly got on with it one day.

You need to see someone about this as a matter of urgency OP. A therapist who specialises in abuse preferably. They can advise you if he is taking the piss or not.

Oh op that's just straight up manipulation. It's the longer version of "if you don't do what I want I'll kill myself." Run. Seriously. Do not volunteer to live your life at the mercy of someone that fucked up. My mother has BPD and what you describe is exactly what we lived with. My siblings and I have all suffered as a result of it. You are not responsible for his thinking of his behaviour. FFS save yourself and for the love of God do not have children with this man.

Yes, it's manipulation. It's totally different from the situation carlotta described in a previous post, where her DP is taking responsibility for his MH and trying to minimise the fallout for her. Your "D"P is not trying to minimise the fallout for you - he's quite happy to use it to get you to behave in ways of his choosing.

What's your vision for the future? Do you see yourself having a happy family life, some dcs? Realistically, do you see it happening with this man as he is (not the "nice" version of him you occasionally see, or the man you want him to be).

I rescind my previous post. None of it applies here apart from the bit warning you not to let him use his MH to control you.

When I do something that he’s unhappy with, he absolutely does tell me that I need to think more deeply about my behaviour as he’s fragile due to mental health. Which heightens the anxiety I experience.

This is abusive and controlling. Get away from him now. He may well have genuine MH problems but the way he is handling them is not OK AT ALL. It is not your responsibility. I repeat, please leave him.

He sounds like DSis' ex, who used to threaten suicide every time she showed signs of independence. He even got himself taken to hospital once or twice having allegedly taken an overdose. She finally made the break around 18 months ago; needless to say, he is still alive and well and horrible, and busy controlling his next victim.

@fearfullotsofthetime you haven't mentioned if he's receiving any professional mental health support.

Has he seen his GP? Does he have a mental health team?

If not, and he's loading all this responsibility onto you, that is incredibly unfair. And very selfish of him actually.

You said he doesn't want friends to know. Why not? Why do you have to shoulder this alone? It's too much for one person. Also makes me question how genuine he is, or if he's using it as a way of controlling you.

Have you ever told him just how frightened by all this you are? Just wonder if it would make him more aware of what he's doing to you

People can be very selfish and self-absorbed OP. Your partner sounds like he is both. And he's using his MH as a stick to beat you with.

That's no life. I think you need some space and some perspective here.

I grew up with a mother like this and it has left me with anxiety. I was forever walking on pins and making excuses for her behaviour. She couldn't cope with the normal demands of life, working, children, relationships, socialising etc and would take it out on me as she had very few adult relationships. She was paranoid and would threaten suicide etc. She got better when she retired but the behaviour is still there at times such as Christmas when her routine has to change. I haven't spoken to her for some time. Don't have children with this man. Out of interest does he work? Does he have a relationship with his family?

Personally I would not choose to live with any of what you have described - and it is a choice you are making. He is probably not capable of ever changing, but you can simply step away.

I don’t have much constructive advice OP but just to say I know how you feel. My DP struggles with his mental health and has had a few very low periods where he’s had suicidal thoughts. It’s difficult to say how likely it was for him to attempt it during those times, but it was a very real terrifying possibility and made life very fraught. Before we met he attempted it once at university after a night of heavy drinking but thankfully his flatmates saved him.
A few years on he still has his battles but thankfully does not have these thoughts now. He is medicated and has had CBT and feels better equipped to handle his low points. I no longer worry when I don’t hear from him for a while and feel in my heart he won’t ever do it. Obviously that could all change, but for now I feel better.
So just wanted to send you love, I’m sorry there are no easy answers. My DP got better but I know not everyone is able to. Thinking of you and sending strength.

I also think this man is highly controlling. He doesn’t want you to be happy because it serves him to have you anxious and on edge. So he ignores them. He tells you how to think and behave and is feeding off your anxiety.

Whether it’s conscious or subconscious it doesn’t matter. He’s manipulating you and sounds very narcissistic.