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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take blame for dp’s speeding

277 replies

Wrinklyturtle · 13/02/2019 21:09

So basically had a letter through today. The car is in my name and a while back I received a letter for speeding in another part of the country - I gave it to DP to sort as I knew, as did he, that it was him driving. He sorts all the bills, car stuff etc. usually.

Fast forward to today and I’ve received a summons to attend a speed awareness course. I rang and told him in rather miffed tone that I’d received it and he’d better sort it out as it was him driving. His response was basically “oh you know it’s much better for you to take it, I can’t because of work”. I am a sahm.
He has done this before and I took points on my licence for him.

It’s more his attitude than anything it’s like “my time is much more important than yours - you are sat at home all day”. No apology or anything, it’s just expected that il suck it up.

He also chastised me for calling him at work and shouting down the phone (I didn’t shout I raised my voice cos I was miffed at his response). He said I sound like a banshee shouting down the phone in the office.
Does anyone else just take shit like this for the sake of the family?

OP posts:

SaturdayNext · 13/02/2019 22:05

He said that he is always the one to drive when we go anywhere at weekends/on holiday so proportionally he is the one who will get the speeding tickets ?? May I add I have never had a speeding ticket!

What utter bollocks. He won't get speeding tickets if he doesn't speed, it's incredibly simple.

I think I’m going to tell him he needs to contact them and say we’ve made a mistake - that it could’ve been him or me driving and we’re not sure?

No, he needs to contact them and say he's made a mistake, and he's sure it was him driving.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 13/02/2019 22:05

I will confess I once considered doing this for DS in an attack of acute pfb itis when he was caught speeding as a new driver. I was worried about his insurance premiums.

DH talked me down very firmly, DS did the speeding course and has never been done since. I don’t know what I was thinking really.

Nicknacky · 13/02/2019 22:05

universal Who has been banned?

Tinkerbell89 · 13/02/2019 22:05

If you've already taken points for him how do you have a speed awareness course?
This is a criminal offence and you could both face court and punishment for this.

Also if he's prepared to keep doing this to you what kind of husband is he? He won't lose his licence you will if it happens again. Then how will you be a SAHM with no car? Think about this, he'll gladly see you lose your licence or go to jail for him. Plus how will he treat you if you lose your licence?

Good luck and prepare to get caught again for him. Police won't take it lightly when they catch on

diddl · 13/02/2019 22:05

So if he can't do it because of work, surely you can't do it because of the kids & he'd need time off anyway for you to do it?

Or he could take the consequences of his own actions.

Stop enabling him Op.

MintyT · 13/02/2019 22:07

I work in insurance fraud. This can affect you for over 5 yrs. you are a moral hazard. Do not do this

OnTheHop · 13/02/2019 22:07

You should have responded to the initial letter naming him as the driver.

Did he just do nothing with the first letter, or did he actually confirm you as the driver? It sounds as if he has done nothing and do not havjng had a reply within the deadline they have now sent you the summons?

If he ignored it, I would send it back and say he was the driver.

Google Chris Huhne, Vicky Pryce and Fiona Onasanya.

All people with access to the best lawyers who went to prison for lying about who was driving. Vicky Pryce said she was driving to save her husband getting points. She went to prison.

jalapenos · 13/02/2019 22:09

I'm a magistrate. I'm not going to give you advice, but I will explain your situation as I see it. If you come clean, then both you and your husband are in trouble. You for not identifying the driver (six points and a fine, possibly a six month ban depending on when you previously took points for him and how many) and him for perverting the course of justice (go straight to jail, do not pass go).

As soon as you become involved in the deception - for instance by attending the speed awareness course - then, if it is ever discovered, you are also risk a perverting charge with similar consequences.

You need to decide how much risk and criminality you are prepared to tolerate.

Bryjam · 13/02/2019 22:09

If the driver has been banned, is not the driver insurance invalid ?

No one has been banned. No one has had an accident. The named drivers, your would assume, will be the OP and her DH. They are both covered by insurance to drive the car at this point because there nothing has happe that would change insurance.

timeisnotaline · 13/02/2019 22:09

You need to contact them op and say there’s been some mistake, it was your husband driving. How he reacts should be eye opening...

QuintadiMalago · 13/02/2019 22:09

It won't make any difference now if you say you're not sure who was driving. There is no chance of retrospectively trying to say you're not sure who was driving. As the car is in your name you are liable, that's the law.
If he's sent the original letter back and has, by pretending to be you-admitted the offence. Then either you take the blame, or tell the truth.
Tough call op,

Piewife · 13/02/2019 22:10

My DH would never ask me to do this for him and I'd never ask him! OP your husband sounds very selfish and uncaring. I hope you're ok.

The right thing to do is to confess now that you gave it to him to deal with (which you shouldn't have done) and that he got it wrong.

ilovesooty · 13/02/2019 22:11

Don't even consider going along with this. Get it put right.

caringcarer · 13/02/2019 22:11

I would write back and say you were not driving and your husband was and he must have made a mistake in naming you. How bloody dare he do this.

QuintadiMalago · 13/02/2019 22:12

Ok cross post with Jalapenos

The advice given there is factual

MereDintofPandiculation · 13/02/2019 22:13

No, he needs to contact them and say he's made a mistake, and he's sure it was him driving.

You cannot by mistake fill in a form addressed to someone else and sign it as if you were that someone else.

macaroniandpizza · 13/02/2019 22:14

No chance in hell would i take the rap for a partner! He commited the offence he should own up to it

PQ77 · 13/02/2019 22:15

Have you missed all the media coverage of women ending up in JAIL for exactly this? Seriously?

Giraffey1 · 13/02/2019 22:16

To my mind , there are several issues here.

what he has done / wants you to do is illegal. You would both be culpable.
He has done this before - you’ve both already broken the law. Now he wants to do it again!
His behaviour and attitude says ‘I am much more important than you are’
His behaviour is worrying - he expects you to do what he says / wants and gets angry with you when you don’t comply.

He has a lack of respect for you as well as for the law.

Is this the kind of relationship you want?

NCjustforthisthread · 13/02/2019 22:16

And if he speeds next time and hits and kills someone? What then? You take the fall for him? It’s illegal for gods sake.

Sakura7 · 13/02/2019 22:18

Is this actually for real? I can't believe anyone would need to ask this question - of course you don't take points for someone else and your husband is a massive dick for even asking. Who in their right mind would agree to do this?

Cattenberg · 13/02/2019 22:18

WrinklyTurtle, in your shoes I’d get legal advice. Did he forge your signature on the form?

MyKingdomForBrie · 13/02/2019 22:18

I wouldn't do anything for him with that attitude towards you, let alone break the law!

Cocky arrogant prick clearly thinks he's worth much more than the little woman at home.

AlpacaLypse · 13/02/2019 22:19

My licence is MY licence. Took me six attempts to get it because I was so nervous! DP wouldn't dream of asking me to accept his points. Your DH is being an arse.

Armadillostoes · 13/02/2019 22:20

People go to prison for this kind of behaviour. Also, does it not concern you that speeding is illegal because of the risks to life and health. If his selfish driving skills someone how will you feel about enabling it?

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