AIBU to think self soothing is a myth?!

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Can babies actually self soothe? Mine won't go to sleep without a lot of help (pram, boob, rocking etc - often all of these!)...

Do babies ever learn to self soothe? How?! When?!

When mine were babies I did put them in their cots awake and they did to go sleep themselves , from about 7-9 months iirc.

All of them had dummies , just to say.

It's not a myth but it depends on the baby! My son would suck his hand and that would send him straight to sleep... he still does it now if hes anxious or tired and wants to sleep.
My daughter wont self settle at all though... she needs input if shes upset.

Mine is weird, there’s zero chance of him self soothing in the day for a nap but he always will at night in his cot unless he’s hungry. He’s 5 months, ebf, but has always self soothed at night. I guess I’m just really lucky.

Ds never did.

Dd self soothed from birth. Literally. She hated being cuddled to sleep and I was so shocked after having ds!

Yeah they can I think consistancy and routine helps

Imo “self soothing” is really just teaching a child there’s no point crying because nobody will come. My DS is nearly 1 and still won’t sleep unless he’s cuddled up beside someone with his sheep toy. Feeling comfortable lying in bed alone is a developmental stage that you can’t force to happen earlier.

My 3rd child did because right from day 1 I never ever held him to sleep, I always put him down. This was because my 2nd was rocked to sleep until he was 2, and slept in our bed, and fed to sleep, and needed 5 dummies and multiple blankies, bunnies, story tapes etc etc to sleep.

FWIW, 2nd one now sleeps like a log, nothing can wake him. Even the sound of 3rd one calling out all night, every night, for 3 years.... because despite self soothing at bedtime, he still woke every single night. To be fair, he would self soothe in the night too, but he liked to call to us to let us know about it

I don't think it's so much they learn to soothe themselves, as they can form bad habits like needing to be rocked to sleep. Sorry if that doesn't make much sense. One of mine ducked her thumb and I guess that helped her to self soothe. The other wanted to feed to sleep. Every 90 min. So we had to break that habit

Dd 1 was a dream to put to bed till she was about 15 months I think my smugness caught up with me

dd and ds2 were much better at sleeping than ds1....i used to nurse him to sleep and then have a nightmare getting him to sleep anywhere other than on me

so dd and ds2 were settled after feeding, and left to send themselves to sleep while we all got on around them.

@TortoiseLettuce. Not necessarily. I’ve never left either of mine to cry at night. They both seem to have loved going to bed from day one and have both cottoned on to the idea that we’re awake and busy in the day and sleep at night. I’ve been lucky (at least I assume it’s luck and not something I’ve done). Both my dc have been poor daytime nappers though.

My children have never been left to cry.

DD1 self settled reliably from around 9mos

DS is 1 and needs rocking to sleep or someone lying next to him

DD2 is also 1 and you basically pop her in her cot, she rolls over and lies there for a bit and then her eyes close and she's off. She's done that pretty much since birth.

Luck of the draw although we've always had a lot of emphasis on routine which I think helps

@TortoiseLettuce that is really not true. As pp have said some children do do this as part of their personalities... you do not have to leave them to cry to see it!
My son soothed himself from birth pretty much. Nothing to do with being left to cry. He would still cry if he actually wanted something such as food or changing.... but for things like dropping his toy or tripping over or other emotional or minor pain things he would immediately put his hand in his mouth and suck on it to calm himself down.... as I've said he still does this now!

My daughter is totally different again from birth... she needs picking up or patting in order to calm down. She will get very upset about things that my son would immediately settle himself over. It's just a difference in their personalities.

My babies went to sleep I wouldn't put them to bed crying I don't know why a poster said that babies just learn nobody will come, because that is an hysterical comment

That’s exactly my point. Your kid will do it when they’re ready. You can’t force it. Every kid is different.

My eldest DS never needed any help getting to sleep from about 4 months. He lay awake watching his night light change colour and would drift off. He was never left to cry. From about a year old he has been read two stories whilst having a cuddle in bed then lights off and left to fall asleep on his own. He's almost 4 and we still do the same, never any issue.
Baby DS though is nearly 6 months and no amount of rocking or singing or lights or white noise helps him sleep. It's a battle every bloody night!

Massive generalisation there @tortoiselettuce

I have never left mine to cry it out. DS1 settled and slept through 12 hours a night at 6 weeks old. No sleep training, he just didn't like me faffing about. He also self soothed for his naps. No problem.

We were so smug, until DS2 came along and clung to me like a limpet

DS is 2.5 and still waiting for the magic answer 😡

Mine just suddenly decided she wanted to self-soothe at about 4 months - I'd been patting her to sleep since birth and she was suddenly wriggling and shrieking no matter what I did. I put her in her cot to go and get my husband to help and she stopped crying instantly and has self-settled at night ever since. Occasionally she'll cry a bit because she's overtired but if you go in to her it makes it much worse. If she's lying down, she wants to be asleep and doesn't want anyone even in the room!

HOWEVER: she very very rarely self-settles for naps and I almost always have to bounce her. Which reaffirms for me that it's totally random whether or not they self settle at this age!

Exactly proves my point. One kid settled at 6 weeks and the other is a Velcro baby. You can’t force Velcro baby to not need that contact. Each kid will settle themselves when THEY are ready, not when YOU want them to and not on any preconceived schedule you might have.

@TortoiseLettuce My daughter self-settles without any crying almost every single night. I can absolutely tell the difference between her cry when she needs me (for a start, she sits up) and her cry when she's just a bit frustrated and wants to go to sleep (more of a whinge, only turns into proper crying if I go in). I have never, ever left her to properly cry. Ever.

Our DD self soothed from birth. She was always put down awake, but never crying. She just went to sleep! I think if we had got her used to being rocked, fed etc to sleep, then we would have had trouble, which is why I wanted her to know no different, from day one. I do think luck plays a part though!

Well mine still hasn't shown any ability to whatsoever

Yes they can but some children need to learn the skill