Inheritance problem

[Brian9600]

My FIL died at the end of last year. He left quite a substantial estate, inc two houses, to be shared equally between his three children (MIL died some years ago).

The original plan was to sell the houses and split everything (post IHT) equally in cash. However, DH is now wondering whether he might prefer to keep one of the houses and have a smaller amount of cash (so that everyone still gets the same, IYSWIM). It's a cottage in the Lake District which FIL used to use for holidays and which he would also let DH and his other two children (SIL and BIL) borrow for holidays and weekends.

DH's plan is that we could use the cottage for holidays and also continue to let SIL and BIL use it when we weren't. This would obviously be nice for them as well as beneficial for us (as the house wouldn't be standing empty so much).

However, he's now getting cold feet about the idea as, when he mentioned it to SIL, she reacted as if it would be communal- talking about making up rotas for sharing, which bedroom would be hers, changes she would like to make etc etc. DH didn't really know how to react so didn't say anything but I think he was quite annoyed- SIL will be getting exactly the same share of the estate and doesn't have any interest in owning the house herself.

I wondered whether anyone had any views on this or experience to share? It may be just that she spoke thoughtlessly and actually there's no problem. But DH is worried that, even once he's been clearer that it would be our house not SIL's, it wouldn't feel properly like ours.

I have been trying to keep out of it as it's his family and his inheritance. But I feel slightly worried about it too.

If they want it to be a shared resource (perfectly good idea) then it's transferred either into joint names or set up as a family trust then the remainder of the estate is split equally.

I think the mistake was to say that they could basically use it as well for free, which then sets up an expectation that you're all on an equal footing.

Unless you're pretty rich, would you not be letting it out the rest of the time you weren't using it?

I think you'd have to go in with something like this in mind. And then you can offer them a decent discount for 1-2 weeks a year that they'd need to book in. Then you could always say last minute impromptu trips on a weekend are free so long as there's no bookings and they either pay for a cleaner or leave spotless.

My opinion is that it will only work if you're basically doing it as a commercial venture as otherwise it will be difficult to draw boundaries with family and will lead to resentment, eg when they break things and do t pay to repair, when they leave it in a mess, when there's bills they won't contribute even though they use it as much as you do. It's a breeding ground for resentment and your sil has already shown herself to be a cf.

If she wants equal access you both have an equal share which comes out of her inheritance too.

The only way this could work is if the house becomes the joint property (and responsibility) of all the siblings and comes off each person's share of the inheritance, not just your DH's.

I have a small holiday place in Cornwall and it’s surprising how all the varied bills add up over the year. I co owned it with my in laws for 20 years and we jointly used it for family holidays for 2 or 3 weeks a year. Choosing low season and letting it out commercially in high season to help cover the bills. We occasionally let other family members or friends use it for free or below market prices but invariably we got messed about. Last minute Cancellations, no shows, complaining they couldn’t use In in the peak of July/August. So generally a pain in the butt, trying to be nice to people, doing them a favour but getting moaned at. I now only use it for myself or immediate family, running costs are pretty high, but I try to use it every month for a long weekend if I can, longer in the summer months. I’d definitely go for co ownership, as we did, sorting out dates, well in advance, so you could still let it out privately to cover bills. Otherwise if you own it alone and let other people use it and mess you around, it sounds like a recipe for disaster.

I stayed with a friend in a "family" cottage on Cape Cod. Grandparents had owned it. It was left to the family and all the siblings used it. We were staying on an off season weekend with one of the adult grandchildren.

I was helping to clean up before we left. I put the forks neatly into the drawed and my friend told me they had to all face one direction (to the left), on their sides neatly put together. She told me there were so many fights among her parents/aunts generation about the state of the house after use that they had drawn up a complicated set of rules that dictated how every last thing in the house was left after a stay. The algorithim to decide which family got what weeks/weekends could have sent a person to Mars. No way to live.

Easiest way - settle the entire Estate for Cash (the bits that are cashable and not mementos) then DH can buy his own 'ideal' holiday cottage to do with as he wants to - letting family stay for free, letting it out for lotsamoney or whatever.

Easiest- yes but not necessarily the best decision on a fiscal level.

It all comes down to a matter of priorities tbh.

Even joint ownership not straightforward. What can happen in later years Is that one sibling wants to sell up and they want the cash lump .....there are then squabbles about splitting equity growth fairly if one sibling has been shelling out a little more than the other in upkeep, time, ongoing bills etc.- be careful, unless these siblings sing from the same sheet generally in life (and few sadly do) I can see a big tiff.

If it has sentimental value, and I would feel the same, then I might roll with it tbh.

Keep it light, "yeah course you can stay, I'll look in the calendar and see when it is free". "Obviously we won't ask for any rental but if you could kick in for utilities". "Sure, we can talk about changing XYZ if you're happy to contribute. I'm happy with it as it is though".

So every interaction about it mentions in some way that it is his, and that the assumption is that they recognise it as such. She would have to then confront that dead on to change that 'assumption' and could then be reminded that it belongs to him in lieu of some of the cash she received.

Eventually it would sink in, and the property may well be worth that.

It's a nice idea in theory but I don't think it will work with your sister in law's attitude. Unless you really can sit down as a family and talk it out sensibly - you might! Stranger things have happened.

If that doesn't work, stick to your father in law's original plan and sell everything to be split equally.

Owning a holiday home is a huge responsibility unless you can afford to pay people to do maintenance work. Far easier to just rent a cottage for a fortnight every so often! I know people who have holiday homes but they actually like doing jobs so.....well, not everyone does.

Er hang on, why does your husband think he can have the cottage?
He has no more right to it than the others.
If they all still want to use it then it should be a shared property. And to be fair, there should be an equal about of time available there, so a rota would be necessary.
They just need to discuss it properly

@pepperjack

The others don't want It! OP said clearly that the sister did not want the responsibility of owning it. The others had all decided they wanted to sell and get the money. Then OP's husband decided he didn't want the money, he wants the house.

They will all still get an equal inheritance, theirs will be the cash they wanted and his will be the house. But, on hearing the house would be kept, the sister started fantasizing about everything she could do to it... without thinking about the fact that she doesn't want to own it and wants the money instead. If she wants shared ownership then she needs to give up some of the cash.

She wasn't interested in buying it until he said he was. Now she wants to be involved, but without the responsibility which isn't fair.
The goalposts have moved, so it needs to be discussed again
Just discuss it.

I would if i loved the cottage. I’d first clarify the arrangement - email and say there’s been some confusion, I was suggesting A- that the cottage be valued and given to me as part of my equal inheritance, so if it all adds up to 1.5m, the cottage is 350k, then I will own cottage and get 150k cash and you still get 500k each.

BUT, from what sil said the other day I think she is suggesting B- that we jointly own cottage and split the remaining cash, so using my approximate guesses we all get ~380 cash and a share in the property. If others want to retain a share in grandmas cottage of course I will go along eoth that and we will need to agree equal share of running and maintenance and upkeep costs, tax and cleaning, and a rota for usage etc. Can you all reply back if you understood a or if you actually really want b?

If A , I got ownership , I’d change locks, get an arrangement with a cleaning company and take cleaning and an estimate of a weekends utilities from everyone before they stay so you aren’t actually paying for them to stay , unless of course those costs are inconsequential to you.. Leave a list of how to leave it when they go also.

Put it to the rest of the family: Would they prefer to have a share in the house, or take the money. And set up ground rules from the start - if they don't buy in they don't get first choices about when to use it and the décor etc would be up to the owner/s.

Tidy way is to sell everything and split fairly.
Maybe he didnt communicate very clearly and the point was lost. Plus the estimated value is not necessarily the value that the house can get... if there are two houses and you want one - why would he get any money at all on the top?

Why is he more entitled to make a unilateral decision like this? This will never work because the other two will see it as theirs, too. Sell up all the three, split the money and buy your own holiday cottage.

If you bought the cottage and allowed family to holiday in it when they wanted, you'd still be lumbered with all the running costs - insurance, elec, heating, water, council tax, and they'd have the use of it for free!

I'd seek legal advice. Alternatively, you could share it with all your family, all pay part of the running costs and draw up a rota for who would use it when.

Don’t bother buying a holiday home, just rent a beautiful place for the 2 weeks a year you’ll actually spend there!!!

Thus ^

That way you will be able to enjoy the time you spend there without having either to worry about family rifts, or about maintaining the property when you aren't there - every time there is a storm or wrong wind in the Lake District you'll be wondering if the slates have blown off or the windows started to leak etc.

Don't have a holiday home. They are ruinous to the local housing markets where they are located.

Don't do it.

Imagine that house prices plummet after Brexit - Your share of the estate will have shrunk - and you still might have the wealthier siblings booking the accommodation or letting their friends stay in your cottage.
Imagine the house prices soar in the Lakes for some reason - bad feeling all round as you got a bigger inheritance than the rest of the family, In fact they might demand you sell it and give them their share.

So just sell it and use any money on your own holiday home.

We have experience of this in our family. It ended very badly. Your SIL has given you fair warning that you will be opting in to a total nightmare, and possibly a family rift.

Either he needs to be clear it would be his, and they could use it if they cover the utilities and turnaround. Or if they all want, own it together.

This isn’t a major issue, he just needs to be firm and get it sorted legally.

Stick to original plan! You have had fair warning of trouble and bad feeling, and your DH is right to be getting cold feet, this can only end one way. We had exactly the same situation in our family, in the previous generation.

Having a holiday home sounds lovely, but any second home is usually far more trouble than it's worth, sharing with siblings times that by ten.

It's so easy to rent cottages just for your holidays. If you find one you come to love, then the owners will be more than delighted to welcome you back every year, if that's what you want

This has the potential to cause a lot of unnecessary drama. Your DH's siblings will always see the property as a 'family home'. Just stick with the original plan and if you have your hearts set on a holiday home (although as many pp have already said, they can be more trouble than they're worth) just use your share of the estate to buy one.