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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inheritance problem

113 replies

Brian9600 · 13/02/2019 18:01

My FIL died at the end of last year. He left quite a substantial estate, inc two houses, to be shared equally between his three children (MIL died some years ago).

The original plan was to sell the houses and split everything (post IHT) equally in cash. However, DH is now wondering whether he might prefer to keep one of the houses and have a smaller amount of cash (so that everyone still gets the same, IYSWIM). It's a cottage in the Lake District which FIL used to use for holidays and which he would also let DH and his other two children (SIL and BIL) borrow for holidays and weekends.

DH's plan is that we could use the cottage for holidays and also continue to let SIL and BIL use it when we weren't. This would obviously be nice for them as well as beneficial for us (as the house wouldn't be standing empty so much).

However, he's now getting cold feet about the idea as, when he mentioned it to SIL, she reacted as if it would be communal- talking about making up rotas for sharing, which bedroom would be hers, changes she would like to make etc etc. DH didn't really know how to react so didn't say anything but I think he was quite annoyed- SIL will be getting exactly the same share of the estate and doesn't have any interest in owning the house herself.

I wondered whether anyone had any views on this or experience to share? It may be just that she spoke thoughtlessly and actually there's no problem. But DH is worried that, even once he's been clearer that it would be our house not SIL's, it wouldn't feel properly like ours.

I have been trying to keep out of it as it's his family and his inheritance. But I feel slightly worried about it too.

OP posts:

LakieLady · 13/02/2019 18:36

If DH is really set on having the holiday cottage, make it clear that family will have to pay an amount and that they will have to book in advance, subject to when you want to use it. (Even if you don't rent it out, it's yours and you will have to pay the running costs).

This, absolutely. By all means charge them "mates' rates", but make sure that they understand that the property is DH's, and that it is rented out on a commercial basis.

What CFs they are.

CanuckBC · 13/02/2019 18:39

Personally, I would keep it. Homes that have such memories and family value are near and dear to the heart. To be able to keep it in the family would be awesome. Once everything is said and done change the locks. Do what you want to it and lay down the law. If need be do it through a proper rental agency like Air B&B or the like so there are no questions on how it needs to be done. Even if you don’t really want to rent it out...

You can’t set something up through a solicitor or the like for family visits and say you do it for all rentals of the property. You don’t have to tell them they are the only ones “renting”.

I wouldn’t not keep a much wanted cottage due to family of you can afford to maintain it and really want to keep it in the family. SIL can be managed if you want to.

recrudescence · 13/02/2019 18:39

I agree with others - sell and buy again if you want. This would also give you time to consider the financial implications of owning a second home: council tax, insurance, maintenance.

ReanimatedSGB · 13/02/2019 18:40

Thing is, SIL is not wrong for wanting the holiday home to remain as much hers as yours. It's not just about the cash share - your H is being a bit unreasonable in unilaterally deciding that he wants the holiday home, therefore he can have it: he's not taking into account that the rest of the family might also want it and that they have as much right to it as he has.

CanuckBC · 13/02/2019 18:41

I meant you can set something up through a solicitor or whomever you would like. Maybe a property manager or the like to ensure the cottage is in good condition when you are not there or grass mown, furnace working etc.

SpamChaudFroid · 13/02/2019 18:41

The other beneficiaries are emotionally invested in the house and will always see it as communally belonging to all of them. Definitely sell.

ChasedByBees · 13/02/2019 18:42

Is SIL his sister, or his brothers wife? I was thinking it might have some bearing on who should speak with who. She has clearly misunderstood but like others, I think there is a chance that emotionally she’ll always think of it as hers too.

GiantKitten · 13/02/2019 18:43

It sounds as if your DH was really keen to have this cottage. Is there a sentimental attachment for him?

SIL is his sister? Isn't it possible for you all to sit down & make clear that it would be your cottage^, because he is giving up his share of the rest of the estate, & that although she will be welcome to stay there sometimes she will have no say in running it, or don't they have the sort of relationship where this would be possible?

What's her DH/P like? Could you speak to him?

GiantKitten · 13/02/2019 18:44

he's not taking into account that the rest of the family might also want it and that they have as much right to it as he has

Maybe that would be OK if all 3 had an equally reduced share in the rest of the estate?

lyralalala · 13/02/2019 18:44

I wouldn't. I inherited my grandparents flat and even though my siblings got cash to the same value (it was done to make sure I as the youngest by miles didn't lose my home if I was still young) they never ever seen it as mine. It caused a lot of problems. Everyone felt like they were entitled to an opinion on everything.

It's not worth it - far better to buy a different holiday home.

Missingstreetlife · 13/02/2019 18:45

What does the will say? That is binding if it says everything to be sold. You can buy from the estate. Then it is clear it belongs to you.

ChiaraRimini · 13/02/2019 18:47

How often do you use the place? If you are there a lot for weekends etc then it might make sense. If you are hardly going to be there it may not make sense as an investment and also the worry of maintenance etc.
If you would only use it once or twice a year it might be best to sell and find a nice AirBandB to go back to regularly where someone else has the responsibility of upkeep.

Disfordarkchocolate · 13/02/2019 18:47

I'd love it and could happily be blunt that it was now mine and others are only there by invitation. Others may find this hard though and it may upset some members of the family.

longearedbat · 13/02/2019 18:47

Do you yet know what the iht liability on the estate is? There might not be sufficient funds to allow sole ownership of this cottage by one beneficiary. The allowances have changed/become more generous in the last few years, I know, but we had to sell our parents house to settle the tax bill (6 years ago).

ThePants999 · 13/02/2019 18:49

Surely a cottage that he had the odd holiday in can't have significant sentimental value. Sell it, dodge this minefield of potential issues, and buy another one.

Witchend · 13/02/2019 18:49

Did she actually understand that your dh was buying it?
Maybe she thought he was suggesting they kept it together, and both own half.

If he is going to buy it on his own I suggest that you firstly change the locks (because she almost certainly has a key) and secondly tell her pretty quickly after you get possession that you are renting it out commercially, and so if she wants to use it she needs to go through you to check no one is there first and also you'll be really kind and do it at mates rates.

Also if you do that I would make a point in making sure that it is rented out to someone on one of the dates she wants fairly early on. That way she knows she can't just take it as and when she wants.

Beebumble2 · 13/02/2019 18:51

This dilemma has occurred a couple of times in our family. After the heart response to keep, we then had reality thoughts and the properties were sold. You will always have the memories , it’s different when the main players have gone.
We bought our own property in the holiday place and although family use it, they behave as visitors. Other PPs are right it will never be yours if you keep the cottage.

Mrscog · 13/02/2019 18:51

Maybe you could sell one house and split that equally, keep the other house and let it out or take it in turns to book it, then split rental profits 3 ways?

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/02/2019 18:53

Is your sil saying she also wants to retain the house? If she does, you need to jointly own it. Or between the 3 siblings. However I would recommend against this.

Buy a second property even though it will incur an additional 3% stamp duty levy.

TheInvestigator · 13/02/2019 18:58

@ReanimatedSGB

It clearly says in the OP that SIL has no interest in owning the house. Neither do the others since they all decided they wanted cash. He hasn't unilaterally decided that he gets to have that one and they get no choice. They didn't want it.

Instead of getting his share as cash, he want his share to be the house plus any cash leftover to make it equal to the total cash his siblings get. When SIL heard he wants to keep the house, she's just thought "oh great, you deal with the responsibility or owning it but I can still have the fun". That's not OK.

OP, they should split the cash he has left and sell the other house. Then, once that's all done, have the house he wants valued and then he can buy them out. That will make it clear that he is buying it from them, and it is his. Tell SIL this is what you will be doing, and that since he owns it she cannot choose a room or redecorate but she may stay there for holidays when/if available and only if she asks.

MulticolourMophead · 13/02/2019 19:01

I'm with the sell the properties group. I can see all sorts of potential problems. Selling and then buying something else will make it very clear that the property is yours and that SIL (and any other family member) doesn't have any sort of stake in it.

Iloveacurry · 13/02/2019 19:01

Sounds like your SIL thinks the cottage would still be a family property, rather than your DH’s.

Selling the cottage, and buying your own place would be a better option.

TBDO · 13/02/2019 19:02

It will be hard for family to switch to seeing it as solely DHs - they will at heart consider it theirs as it was their dads/family holiday home.

I’d sell, split proceeds and buy a new cottage that is clearly yours from the outset.

If not, DH would have to make it absolutely clear that it will be his, and his alone, that people need to ask permission to stay in. But I still think this will cause some issues.

Missingstreetlife · 13/02/2019 19:05

Who is executor, is a solicitor involved? You can put a caveat on probate but it is not worth falling out about. They could have it between them, sil may have misunderstood what is being proposed. I would have one last weekend there and sell unless it will break any hearts. It's early days, people are still grieving.

Tinkobell · 13/02/2019 19:05

Given these early warning signs, I'd sell the houses and split the money. You are supposed to get x 3 valuations on property for the purpose of agreeing price and probate. Don't forget IHT is payable at 40% on the total estate above £325k or upto £650k if your MIL deceased passed any of her unused allowance on.
People's advice about "just buy another holiday home" is ok but don't forget you would pay stamp duty on a 2nd home at the higher rate....and it is a hefty sum!
We have a holiday home which we run as business (furnished let). When we got it, family assumed that if there were no bookings one week then they could just nip along and use it free of charge. However, we still have council tax to pay, utilities, buildings & contents insurance, a tv licence as well as ongoing maintenance expenses. In addition, if family use it then that is a taxable benefit which we have to declare to HMRC.... so it costs us! I'm afraid we don't do that now, because we can't afford to subsidise everybody else's holidays - we are no richer than anyone else and we need the rental income. Either do it and draw lines or steer well clear OP.

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