Inheritance problem

[Brian9600]

My FIL died at the end of last year. He left quite a substantial estate, inc two houses, to be shared equally between his three children (MIL died some years ago).

The original plan was to sell the houses and split everything (post IHT) equally in cash. However, DH is now wondering whether he might prefer to keep one of the houses and have a smaller amount of cash (so that everyone still gets the same, IYSWIM). It's a cottage in the Lake District which FIL used to use for holidays and which he would also let DH and his other two children (SIL and BIL) borrow for holidays and weekends.

DH's plan is that we could use the cottage for holidays and also continue to let SIL and BIL use it when we weren't. This would obviously be nice for them as well as beneficial for us (as the house wouldn't be standing empty so much).

However, he's now getting cold feet about the idea as, when he mentioned it to SIL, she reacted as if it would be communal- talking about making up rotas for sharing, which bedroom would be hers, changes she would like to make etc etc. DH didn't really know how to react so didn't say anything but I think he was quite annoyed- SIL will be getting exactly the same share of the estate and doesn't have any interest in owning the house herself.

I wondered whether anyone had any views on this or experience to share? It may be just that she spoke thoughtlessly and actually there's no problem. But DH is worried that, even once he's been clearer that it would be our house not SIL's, it wouldn't feel properly like ours.

I have been trying to keep out of it as it's his family and his inheritance. But I feel slightly worried about it too.

Seek legal advice.
But if he takes the house as his part of the inheritance pot, I presume it would legally be in his name and he would simply say let us know when you want to go and IF it’s available we’ll let you know.

Given her attitude, I wouldn't do this. I'd sell the houses, split the money and then, if you feel like it, look around for a holiday cottage. You might decide on a different area. She wouldn't then have any claim on it. And to be honest, I'd tell her that's why you're doing it.

I think you need to be really clear about what is being proposed, what it would mean and why.

I really really wouldnt do this. Sell all the properties and share equally. Anything else will end in a fight and it will get nasty

She’s misunderstood the situation. So explain it to her.

Get legal advice. If she wants to share the house and have a say in it then she needs to relinquish a share in the inheritance ( as your DH I’d doing) and jointly own the house which you, presumably don’t want?

It may be easier, if not cheaper to sell both houses and then buy a holiday home if you want one.

Maybe an altenative way of doing things would be for your DH to receive his third of the sale of the other house and the rest of the estate as normal and then formally buy out his two sibling's share of the Lake District house.

Personally, I would be against doing what your DH proposes. Too fraught with potential pitfalls and squabbles over upkeep, usage, expenses etc.

Far simpler to just sell up and split the proceeds equally, then be done with it.

sell up, split equally then buy a holiday home if you wish. Anything else could cause some arguments and feelings of unfairness on both sides. Not worth the fall out.

Don't do it, she clearly thinks she can have the money and the house. If it were to work the way she wants you'd have to sell all the other property and split equally while retaining the small house between you all. It'll just end in resentment other wise as she'll treat it like her holiday home.

She’ll never see it as not hers. Even if you told her 10000 times.

It either gets sold as part of the pot, or kept, shared between the siblings on a rota basis with the remainder of the pot shard 3 ways.

Although tbh if it was kept she sounds like she would be a nightmare when trying to deal with rotas/maintainance/ equity etc

I’d swerve it big style

If DH is really set on having the holiday cottage, make it clear that family will have to pay an amount and that they will have to book in advance, subject to when you want to use it. (Even if you don't rent it out, it's yours and you will have to pay the running costs).
But given SIL's attitude already, it would probably save any arguments if all properties were sold.

Don't do it. sell them all, divide and buy your own holiday cottage if you want.

Your SIL will absolutely consider it a family holiday home and it will drive a wedge between you.

Sell up. It will never be just dh's will it?

As others have said - if the house remains in the family, even if supposedly owned by one family member, she'll still see it as communal property and expect to come and go as she wants.

Sell, take the money, buy your own holiday home.

Also if your dh sells it in a few years and it has increased in value, his brother and sister may well be looking at that extra money as unfair - even though it isn't.

Thanks, everyone. It sounds as if we're not being silly to worry about it. I will have a chat with DH.

I've seen this happen with holiday homes on Cape cod. Sell it. The other family members will always consider it partly theirs and it will lead to strife.

Sell it buy a place of your own choosing with no joint family history and then you can chose if and how often you let family have use if it

I'm with the sell it side. She sounds as if she expects the property to remains evenly available. Look for your own wee place in the same area and sell your FIL's

U less it has HUGE sentimental value then sell sell sell and buy something new. Then they’ll be no confusion.

If it's already causing issues like this, I'd take the cash and then look to buy something in the Lakes later. I know it won't be the same as having the old family holiday home but the memories will be of the Lake District as much as the house and keeping it will cause so much agravation

Seriously don't do this. It's going to cause long term problems.

The cottage doesn't even hold any sentiment so sell it and with the proceeds buy your own somewhere else.

I would split the estate if you specifically want that cottage buy on the market - instruct a solicitor to purchase it for you if you need to keep it low key. If they want to holiday in it then there is an upfront cost, even if its only for bills and cleeaning. I suspect she is not thinking straight at the moment.

Just have a conversation with her and make it’s clear what is actually being proposed. As long as you are clear from the outset it shouldn’t be a problem.