AIBU to force my DH to have baby no. 2 now, rather than wait a year?

[Needallthesleep]

Trying to keep this short and to the point...

I have a 13 month old, both myself and my DH have agreed that we would like another baby.

My current workplace has fantastic mat leave benefits. However I’m hating my current role with a passion. I’m trying to leave, have had about 20 interviews over the past six months, but never get an offer. It’s soul destroying being constantly rejected and is starting to affect my mental health.

I would like to start trying for another baby now to take advantage of the maternity package where I currently am. I will admit it would partly be a way to get away from my current work. Then when I come back I can start to interview again.

My husband wants to wait until our DD is two before we try again. But that means me continuing down the soul destroying new job hunt, plus if I did get a new job obviously expecting a worse maternity package.

WIBU to force it and say we need to start trying for another baby now?

Yes you absolutely would be unreasonable! How would you like to be forced in to having another child?

You know you would be unreasonable to force someone into trying for a baby they are not ready for
And to do it because you don’t like your current job?
How exactly are you planning on forcing this to happen?

Are you seriously asking if you can force someone into (unprotected) sex??

Nobody should be forced to have a child they don't want. What is wrong with you?

I don't see why you can't stop the job hunt for now?

Of course you'd be unreasonable to force anyone to do anything.

And just how exactly were you planning to force him into unprotected sex?

I think you need to sort out your work situation first. It might take you longer than anticipated to conceive. I was TTC in a job I hated for months. I didn't get pregnant until I got myself out of there.

Is your dh concerned about a small age gap? Or is there another reason you agreed to wait until dc1 was 2? What does your dh think about you being so miserable at your worj?

Completely unreasonable.
You can not force your husband into having another child. Wait until you're both ready.

You can't force him but you can present him with a compelling argument like you have here. Personally I agree with you, use your great maternity package and get the nappies and sleepless nights over in one go.

Yes. You would. My god.

Not really sure how u force someone into that xD takes two to tango. I'm sure he knows that if he doesn't suit up, there can be consequences (sometimes even then still...).

But no you are not right in forcing anyone to have a kid they don't want.

Nobody should be forced to have another child!

You can't force him! I'm thinking this might be a wrong choice of word and you mean persuade him?

It does sound a good idea to have dc2 now though.

You want to force your husband to have another baby before he is ready because you don't like your job and are pissed off with looking for a new one?

And you'd like to know if this is unreasonable?

Eh, let me think. Hmm.tough one.

Thinking,,

Yes it's bloody unreasonable.

If you're both agreed you want another baby and it's your career that takes the hit re maternity leave or trying to plan job moves and also sounds like you will be primary caregiver for baby and toddler then I reckon you get the major say as to timing - mother nature may have other ideas anyway.

I only have 20 months between my older 2 and then a big gap to number 3. I have always found parenting the older 2 together much easier.

Why does your DP want to wait?

In your situation yes i would try to force the issue.

Well I think you need to define force.

Tell him you're on the pill then oops accidently get pregnant? Not OK. What if he realises you've tricked him andeaves you?

Give him an ultimatum that you're going to quit work? Can you afford to? Might it be a short term option if you MH is bring affected so much by work?

How do you plan to enforce your pregnancy?

I would sit him down and discuss it like two grown ups in a relationship. Consider though that you might take a year or more to fall pregnant anyway

I'm assuming force to have a baby is just a poor choice of words.

Please don’t accuse fall pregnant just so you can take advantage of maternity perks.

Talk to your other half and come up with a solution you both agree on. Tricking him into having another child when he has clearly said not yet, is never going to end well.

Aside from everything everyone else has said, most places make you pay it back if you leave within a year or so of coming back to work. So you’d be stuck there anyway, unless you don’t have that.

Don’t do it for the wrong reasons, OP. Sorry you’re having such a hard time with work

YABU, why would you ‘force’ anybody to do anything?

Just be aware that in a new job you might not get ANY maternity benefits until you've been there a certain length of time.

It's a minimum of 18 months in my company before you can access maternity benefits.

Even if you BOTH agreed to try for number 2 now, it could potentially still be another couple of years until you would be leaving your job for mat leave anyway. If the work situation is that desperate then its unlikely you'll be able to last another couple of years anyway, surely? You only need to be somewhere for 26 weeks to get mat leave so I'd postpone baby for short time until you find a new job.

Just be aware that in a new job you might not get ANY maternity benefits until you've been there a certain length of time

True, but equally she may be years ttc.

But it’s ok for him to force her to stay in a job she hates?

What’s his reason for waiting?