AIBU: Teenage friend put on the sex offenders list for 'pantsing' someone at school

[Neonata]

Last week one of my 15YO DS's closest friends pulled a classmate's gym shorts down in the changing rooms as a prank and unfortunately his pants also came down and he was momentarily exposed. The boy then escalated this and the friend has now been isolated for a day, then excluded for a day and also put on the sex offenders list!!

AIBU to think this is a massive over reaction by the school?? He is a lovely boy who is usually really well behaved and generally high achieving academically.

I'm wondering that this will demonise him so much that he will start thinking he is actually a bad person and it will be enough to send him down the wrong path.

lovely boy and academically high achiever?

Appearing to be lovely and big achieving doesn't mean someone can't be a sex offender or do horrible stuff.

I wonder if your DS would still think he was ‘nice’ and ‘a laugh’ if he’s been the one humiliated by having his genitals exposed?

I don’t believe for a second that the victim would agree with him

It sounds like the boy is using the Sex Offenders Register as a way to brag and get sympathy at the same time. He seems like a thoroughly nasty piece of work who doesn't regret what he did at all.

I should have said imaginary Sex Offenders Register.

Also you last paragraph about making him head down the wrong path is just batshit.
Do you think people should not be punished for their unacceptable behaviour incase it makes them worse? There is absolutely no logic at all in that.
You really are minimising what happened

Put yourself in the boys shoes OP. You are walking around Waitrose, a group of ‘good’ friends see you and one pulls your trousers and knickers around your ankles, for a ‘laugh’! But it’s no big deal, as you pulled them back up again and was only ‘momentarily exposed’

You won’t complain, as ‘friend’ is such a ‘intelligent’ and ‘nice’ person usually 🙄

I cannot believe someone is this gullible, and has children. Can you imagine the stories he tells about his teachers?!

Lovely boys don’t pull people’s shorts/pants down?...
I would be livid if this so called ‘lovely’ boy did this to any of my sons why would anyone do this? And by calling it ‘pantsing’ in your post you are making light of it, like it’s just fun - would you enjoy having your pants pulled down by someone?

I would also ask my child to not be friends with this kid anymore tbh he’s not the kind of boy I’d like my children to be friendly with. I would also say that perhaps you should aquaint yourself with the SOR, which is not a list but a register and each person on it has their own conditions to adhere to. And it’s not so easy to do something in school and be on it the next week, if my child had come home from schoo with this random story I’d have been on the phone to school for clarification of the details! To protect my kid and ensure the school have something in place to prevent these things happening in future but you’re just taking the story of a teenage boy as gospel and repeating it on mumsnet?...no facts etc?.

OP, for context, some scrote boy at my son's football training 'pantsed' him when he was 13, pulling his shorts and pants down and exposing him in front of his team, two neighbouring teams and spectators.

He then pointed and jeered that my DS 'hasn't got pubes yet'. Needless to say it was a horrible, vindictive act that left scars. My DS never wanted to go back and play with the team, despite the fact that he'd played there for four years - not just because of scrote-boy's presence, but because none of his 'friends' spoke up or stopped him. He doesn't trust any friends now (two years on) and isolates himself from other kids socially.

He's also very body conscious now and won't allow anyone to see him naked. If I could, I'd stick that little fucker on a SOR.

But your DS's friend, arsehole that he appears to be, can't possibly be on it as it doesn't work that way.

OP you really are starting to make me angry now, subsequent posts and still you are sticking to "he's a good boy" line and zero sympathy expressed for the victim.

It sounds as if the perpetrator is deliberately over-egging the pudding in order to garner sympathy from his mates

It's so sad that we have teenagers lying about being on the SOR.

At my dds school, the biggest bully of them all is the high achieving academically, football captain, charming, best looking, 'popular' boy. Never throws a punch himself of course. The teachers think 'Olly? Oh no, couldn't be.' Constantly humiliating others, and the rest of the class hurry to his side desperate to not be the next victim.

So this is the latest thing for the 'cool' boys to do, pretend to be on the SOR. Girls do love a dominant badboy.

Yup, the girl who threw water in my dds food so she couldn't eat it and slapped her for sitting in 'Her' seat was the prettiest, high achieving darling of the school.

He needs demonising for being such a little shit, bet his mummy thinks the sun shines out of his arse though

My numerous bullies parents and friends parents thought they were lovely too. Didn't stop them being dickheads. Don't minimise the behaviour op, the kid in question obviously felt it wasn't "just a laugh". That's ignoring all this ridiculous SOR talk

For all those saying it couldn’t happen so quickly, according to at least one police website, people can be added to the SOR after a caution, which could very easily happen within days, if not hours after the offence....

west-midlands.police.uk/your-options/sex-offender-registration

How long will I be on the sex offenders register?
If you are cautioned for a sexual offence, you will be placed on the sex offenders register for two years, or one year if you are under 18 at the time of the offence. Once your name is on the register, it will remain there for the duration and can't be reviewed.

For all those saying it couldn’t happen so quickly, according to at least one police website, people can be added to the SOR after a caution, which could very easily happen within days, if not hours after the offence.

No it can't. A minor can not be charged or cautioned within matter of hours or even a couple of days the decision to can't be a minor with sexual offence isn't a quick 'oh let's let them off with a caution and that's the end of it.

It all sounds rather like the classic "Asking on behalf of a friend... " scenario. The OP seems remarkably invested in all this.

Here’s a lovely, high achieving boy from a good family....
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/People_v._Turner

OP you have forgotten to say it was just banter or locker room talk or boys being boys!!

Knowing the teenager well, IMO this just seems a totally bonkers reaction and one that could have some really negative consequences for what was just a silly (but badly judged) prank.

Knowing teenagers who have been bullied, any attempt to minimise the bully's behaviour seems like such a bonkers under-reaction that could have some really negative consequences for the victims of assaults dressed up as 'pranks'.

The OP is a neon billboard for the boys will be boys brigade.

I hope you don’t have any daughters OP. It’s bad enough you are raising your son to think exposing another child’s genitals is funny, so I hate to imagine what you would teach a girl.