To feel completely lost now over my teen son

[cricketmum84]

DS(14) is under CAMHS for depression and entirety. We've had a really rough year with him drinking, running away once, constant moodiness and attitude, missing school because he is refusing to go, swearing at us, breaking his phone in a temper.... lots more.

I'm at home today as I've had a meeting with school about his absences where we have been threatened with a fine and prosecution if he doesn't start going every day.

When I got home I checked my Instagram and noticed he was active about 3am.

I did something bad. I signed into his Instagram account and checked his messages. I know some will think this is wrong but I did it and am not about to get into a debate over whether I should be reading his messages.

He was messaging friends in the early hours of this morning saying he was drinking alcohol (no alcohol missing in the house so I don't know if this is true), taking my prescription drugs (I know this is true as I've checked my packs), sending pictures of our big kitchen knife saying he would hurt himself and talking about how it would feel to stab someone with it. There's also messages from the past few days about meeting up with friends and asking them to sneak vodka out of their houses in water bottles. There's explicit messages and images between him and some Instagram "star" who must be about 18?!?!

I feel like this is the last straw. I've fought and fought for the CAMHS referral but he won't engage with them so they keep telling me there isn't much they can do. I've talked to him, I've shouted, I've punished, I've cried, I've sat on the floor and sobbed. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make this right, I don't know how to talk to him, I don't know how to fix him. I want to scoop him up and kiss him better whilst slapping him for being so.... I don't even know what the right word is.

Please please can someone help us??

Wow, they're making you stay? I couldn't as I'm a single parent with another dd at home. They did say they'd have dd2 under constant watch by nurses but she wasn't, although her bed was near the nurses' station.
I hope you manage to get some sleep.

Yeah we are having a sleepover lol. Got a pack of cards and watching tv. Got a rock solid tiny chair bed next to him. The nurse was insistent that I stay.

Goodnight cricket. He is there, he is safe. You are both on your way to support and care. Ask someone close to cover you in the morning so you can rest 💐💐

Why are they wanting you to stay, particularly as he doesn't want you to? I would have thought you'd be better off with a good night's sleep.

They are wanting me to stay for his own safety. Said he can't be left alone and they don't have the staff to make sure he is never left alone. We are right by the nurses station too.

Have to say this chair bed thing is hurting my sciatica so much!!!

Have to say this chair bed thing is hurting my sciatica so much
You have my utmost sympathy with the sciatica. Can you get some pillows for extra support?
I'm so pleased you're finally getting some help.

I am glad they are taking you seriously as a friend of a friends daughter took 3 over doses (over 20 pills) and all that was said is it’s a normal teenager phase 🙄

Tbh she has grown out of it but now has permanent scars and was very lucky not to cause damage.

Suicide is the biggest killer of young men so it’s really good you have caught the messages and spotted the warning signs. If he is talking that’s a good thing it’s the ones that say nothing who tend to go through with it.

I find it strange you are being expected to stay I am sure the friends friend didn’t have to as she needed rest to.

Good luck sending

I just want to send you hugs and love. I have problems with my DS15 - certainly not as severe as yours but he will not talk to me at all so I overthink things massively (and I also check social media which I agree is very difficult -what do you do when you find something worrying?). I also have lots of friends who have similar issues with teenage boys. I can't advise - it is so difficult not being able to help and feeling helpless, we can not force them to engage with help , all we can do is be there to mop up when things go wrong. I am crying now as I feel your pain. It is not your fault, all we can do is our best.

I thought it was a bit strange too tbh.

The first nurse we saw said it was fine for me to get off home as soon as he was settled but then the ward sister came in and questioned why I wasn't staying with him under the circumstances? Then said I had to stay because they don't have the resources to monitor him x

Just stay - you will worry less!

Pisses me off the increase in awareness of teenage mental health and the promises of resources/money to support.
Bollocks

Well I'm awake. He didn't go to sleep until after midnight so I'm pretty tired. Plus my hip is screaming in pain from the bed. Just realised I haven't eaten since Thursday lunchtime which is probably why I feel a bit dizzy.

CAMHS are due to be coming out this morning to do the assessment. I'm not sure what to expect beyond that though??

Thinking of you. You're amazing and so much love to you and your son (and apparently cake too) ☺️

Yes send alllll the cake please! Costa downstairs opens at 7 so I'm off to get a big fat chai latte. I don't even care if it's eleventy billion ww points. I just need calories!

You do! Most definitely! Can you get a cake/brownie too? xxx

What a horrible situation. Thinking p you and hope you get an assessment today x

Morning op
Good luck with the assessment today - 2 minutes to Costa opening for well deserved and

Ugh, have traipsed all the way downstairs and it doesn't open until 8 on a weekend. Not impressed 🤬

Oh no. Buy two cakes and a huge chai latte st 8am. You need the calories with all that extra walking Best of luck with the assessment today.

Sending my best wishes op, I've travelled down the same road a few years ago. Look after yourself is my best advice . Try to get food and sleep, I know how hard it is

Good luck OP, it's really hard take one day at a time.
I've taken some tips from other posters as stating to worry my son stating drinking skipping school and really low.... when I ask him what's wrong ... the thing he tells me over and over is he hates school... when he's been really low and upset and keep him home he's like a different child.... I think it's the pressure they are under at school these days maybe contributes/is the tipping point?
Sending you huge hugs op 💐

Nearly opening time! I think costa do porridge and toasties and stuff too. If you can bear it any fresh fruit you can get into yourself will help your energy levels xxx

Does anyone know when they feed the kids breakfast on the children's ward do they feed parents too?? Or do I need to go find food?

Wishing you strength OP. Sorry I've missed it but where is your dh in all this?

If you haven’t eaten since Thursday you are owed eleventy billion ww points 🍪🍮🍩🥐