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Original poster

To feel completely lost now over my teen son

237 replies

cricketmum84 · 11/02/2019 12:14

DS(14) is under CAMHS for depression and entirety. We've had a really rough year with him drinking, running away once, constant moodiness and attitude, missing school because he is refusing to go, swearing at us, breaking his phone in a temper.... lots more.

I'm at home today as I've had a meeting with school about his absences where we have been threatened with a fine and prosecution if he doesn't start going every day.

When I got home I checked my Instagram and noticed he was active about 3am.

I did something bad. I signed into his Instagram account and checked his messages. I know some will think this is wrong but I did it and am not about to get into a debate over whether I should be reading his messages.

He was messaging friends in the early hours of this morning saying he was drinking alcohol (no alcohol missing in the house so I don't know if this is true), taking my prescription drugs (I know this is true as I've checked my packs), sending pictures of our big kitchen knife saying he would hurt himself and talking about how it would feel to stab someone with it. There's also messages from the past few days about meeting up with friends and asking them to sneak vodka out of their houses in water bottles. There's explicit messages and images between him and some Instagram "star" who must be about 18?!?!

I feel like this is the last straw. I've fought and fought for the CAMHS referral but he won't engage with them so they keep telling me there isn't much they can do. I've talked to him, I've shouted, I've punished, I've cried, I've sat on the floor and sobbed. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make this right, I don't know how to talk to him, I don't know how to fix him. I want to scoop him up and kiss him better whilst slapping him for being so.... I don't even know what the right word is.

Please please can someone help us??

OP posts:
OnTheHop · 15/02/2019 10:07

Sorry to hear SS were useless.

At least you know that YOU as his Mum have not left any avenue unexplored.

I agree: he is not well enough for school. Punishments and pressure and cajoling will just add to the anxiety.

No one would berate you for looking at his phone: that is how you protect him.

Transpeaked · 15/02/2019 10:09

Here you go OP - either yourself of your son’s father will be the nearest relative (depending on a couple of factors) - whichever one of you is the NR can request a MHA. There will be two Drs and an AMHP (usually a social worker with the relevant MH training) - the AMHP is the person who actually decides whether or not the application under a section two or three is appropriate.

www.rethink.org/carers-family-friends/what-you-need-to-know/nearest-relative

LunaTheCat · 15/02/2019 10:14

Oh poor you. Keep persisting with phoning mental health services. They have to see him if you are persistent. 💐
Ona practical note can you change The wi fi password every day - give him new password only if he goes to school at end school day. Switch off wifi at midnight.

Oblomov19 · 15/02/2019 10:18

I totally understand.
When they don't engage, it's so frustrating and you feel powerless.
It's a lonely journey,as a parent.
I can offer nothing but understanding. You seem not alone. If that helps. Thanks

Original poster
cricketmum84 · 15/02/2019 11:54

CAMHS have called back. Just advised to take him to a&e which he won't do. He's now backtracked and said he only took 2 paracetamol???

CAMHS said hospital will keep him in overnight and then they will do an emergency MH assessment tomorrow.

I feel that a hospital, away from family is about the worst place for him at the moment?? He has calmed and is talking to me (and has eaten the food I took him up earlier).

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 15/02/2019 12:07

Take him.
He may have calmed down temporarily but it won't last.
This is your small window of opportunity.

Original poster
cricketmum84 · 15/02/2019 12:09

He's refusing to go. And he's too big for me to bundle in the car myself.

What now??

OP posts:
lmusic87 · 15/02/2019 12:13

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I think a hospital is the best thing for him and you/

Springwalk · 15/02/2019 12:22

Is there any way they can do the assessment at home? This would seem the most logical to me, but I am not sure what is available in your area. My friend called out the crash team. They come to the house. Ask them for the MH crash team if you can op.

endofthelinefinally · 15/02/2019 12:25

Call them back and tell them.
Ask for home assessment.

WhatNow40 · 15/02/2019 12:26

I've no advice but want to know you're not alone. Thanks

I have quite strong prescription meds, a DS7, and as a safety precaution I keep it all in a metal box that locks. It's a make up storage box. Perhaps you should consider one of those. It could also be your pop up drinks cabinet?! I know you're under lots of pressure right now, not your priority but you might find you need a better solution than the garage.

To feel completely lost now over my teen son
pallisers · 15/02/2019 12:31

I know that in these circumstances I would call an ambulance and tell them he is suicidal and may have harmed himself. He would be assessed and probably held in a youth mental health facility for 5-10 days. (I do have experience in this) but I am not in the UK so not sure if this is good advice for you.

Sorry you are going through this OP. It really sucks trying to deal with mh issues in a teen.

btw I would say every parent of teens should have their prescription meds under lock and key - if not for your own teens, for their friends who might be in the house. Actually they should just be locked up for everyone.

LagunaBubbles · 15/02/2019 12:42

If he is refusing to go then the possibility of him being sectioned is increasing. It also sounds as if its unclear if he has overdosed or not, you can't take any chances with paracetamol and his blood levels need checked ASAP on case he needs antidote treatment.

Original poster
cricketmum84 · 15/02/2019 12:50

He has just spoken to the duty worker at CAMHS. It's gone from 6 paracetamol, to 0 to 3 or 4 so literally have no idea.

He's agreed to go to hospital now x

OP posts:
skybluee · 15/02/2019 12:57

I'm so sorry, I hope you get some help.

Helmetbymidnight · 15/02/2019 12:59

If you and he feel he is safe, then I might cautiously suggest that you don't force him if he refuses but only on condition that he has to engage with you/somebody to start getting help.

I feel if he's already been with Cahms for a year, then it isn't working - he needs better help. Again, and sorry if its impossible, I would engage a private counsellor who specialises in teens. (£50-70 an hour?). Insist he goes and engages.

In my area, sectioning of young people is an absolute last resort. Not only is there hardly any facilities available - and they could end up hundreds of miles away - but they felt kids could learn new tricks together and simply become more adept at hiding, cutting, etc etc.

Helmetbymidnight · 15/02/2019 13:00

ah x-posted. Good, I'm glad he's agreed to go.

Skyejuly · 15/02/2019 13:05

Thinking of you xxx

sillym00h · 15/02/2019 13:26

Hi Cricketmum.

Another one her who has been through this. Someone advised a list of safety precautions. These were the precautions we had to take as well. Your experience of social services seems to have been pitiful. However, in our case, my son's behaviour raised Child Protection issues for his sibling, so I am surprised at the attitude of CSC.

In your son's case, school refusal is almost certainly not school refusal. He is probably unable to attend school due to his anxiety and other problems. You could get a doctor's note so that he is absent from school on medical grounds.

I am glad your son has agreed to go to hospital. Our hospital has a triage system which works with mental health services, so he may get some help.

Again, I will echo the comments made by other posters. Your son's behaviour is almost certainly a direct result of his mental ill health. The situation at home where your son is taking pills, threatening to self harm or hurt people, being violent and destructive and is unable to attend school is untenable. The only reason that services are not responding as they should is because the mental health services for children and young people are abysmally overstretched.

My thoughts go out to you.

billybagpuss · 15/02/2019 13:37

He's saying what he thinks you want to hear regarding the paracetamol. It could be any number that he's taken but from experience they know what to say to 'get you off their back'

Glad he's agreed to hospital

EvenLess · 15/02/2019 13:48

So sorry you're going through this OP. Have direct experience of this with a close family member and it fucking sucks. You're doing your best and you are a good mum. I'm glad he's agreed to go to the hospital- be aware you need to shout loudest and dig your heels in to get anything done x

ChiaraRimini · 15/02/2019 13:54

That's great that he's agreed Togo to hospital.
I know it may seem like he would be best at home but home may seem like a place associated with all his problems at the moment. He may be better off in a safe place away from all the negative associations.

MumW · 15/02/2019 14:11

Great that he's agreed to go to hospital.
I really hope that they don't fob you off.
FlowersCakeBrew best avoid the Wine/Gin for now.

Original poster
cricketmum84 · 15/02/2019 14:22

@MumW can't even tell you how much I could do with a gin right now!!

Just in the waiting room. Cried at the nurse when I was explaining why we were there. Really need to learn how to hold it together better. They've just stuck his numbing cream on ready for blood tests x

OP posts:
MumW · 15/02/2019 14:28

can't even tell you how much I could do with a gin right now!!
Believe you me, @cricketmum84, I absolutely know but you need tokeep a clear head.

I don't think you need to stress about a few tears. It shows how much you care and how genuinely you are worried.
More FlowersBrewCake and maybe some Chocolate too.

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