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Original poster

To feel completely lost now over my teen son

237 replies

cricketmum84 · 11/02/2019 12:14

DS(14) is under CAMHS for depression and entirety. We've had a really rough year with him drinking, running away once, constant moodiness and attitude, missing school because he is refusing to go, swearing at us, breaking his phone in a temper.... lots more.

I'm at home today as I've had a meeting with school about his absences where we have been threatened with a fine and prosecution if he doesn't start going every day.

When I got home I checked my Instagram and noticed he was active about 3am.

I did something bad. I signed into his Instagram account and checked his messages. I know some will think this is wrong but I did it and am not about to get into a debate over whether I should be reading his messages.

He was messaging friends in the early hours of this morning saying he was drinking alcohol (no alcohol missing in the house so I don't know if this is true), taking my prescription drugs (I know this is true as I've checked my packs), sending pictures of our big kitchen knife saying he would hurt himself and talking about how it would feel to stab someone with it. There's also messages from the past few days about meeting up with friends and asking them to sneak vodka out of their houses in water bottles. There's explicit messages and images between him and some Instagram "star" who must be about 18?!?!

I feel like this is the last straw. I've fought and fought for the CAMHS referral but he won't engage with them so they keep telling me there isn't much they can do. I've talked to him, I've shouted, I've punished, I've cried, I've sat on the floor and sobbed. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make this right, I don't know how to talk to him, I don't know how to fix him. I want to scoop him up and kiss him better whilst slapping him for being so.... I don't even know what the right word is.

Please please can someone help us??

OP posts:
Georgiemcgeorgeface · 15/02/2019 14:33

My heart is breaking for you both. You're absolutely doing the right thing and don't worry one jot about crying I'd be a hysterical mess in your shoes. I really hope he gets some help x

Original poster
cricketmum84 · 15/02/2019 14:43

@0ccamsRazor yes he is an amazing bass guitarist and seems permanently glued to it. He also plays cricket (bet you wouldn't have guessed that) but it's the off season so no training for at least another month x

OP posts:
Thatsalotofblood · 15/02/2019 14:48

I hope everything is ok. X

Springwalk · 15/02/2019 14:54

Handhold for you whilst you are waiting. Don't worry about crying, they see it every day. Be strong for ds though, you need him to be calm for the blood test. So focus entirely on his feelings now.

Don't leave without a full assessment.

A massive glass of gin is coming for you later with ice and lemon. Stay strong, you can do this Gin

Love51 · 15/02/2019 14:57

You were concerned about him staying overnight. I just want to share what I know through working with children and families, cahms nurses have said to me that having the child overnight can be a really positive thing as it allows everyone to 'regroup' after a traumatic time, not just the event but in the lead up. I don't know if it helps you, but think of it as a support from services, to allow you to prepare for his return (emotionally, mentally etc).

lmusic87 · 15/02/2019 15:03

No, you cry. You are doing the right thing. x

Original poster
cricketmum84 · 15/02/2019 15:21

He's told the doctor that he is still thinking about suicide x

OP posts:
DorisDances · 15/02/2019 15:32

Thinking of you OP and hoping you also get support and love. Hang on in there

Imperfectsusan · 15/02/2019 15:35

I think that although it may be a bone of contention initially, it will help a lot if you remove access to the internet after what you consider an appropriate bedtime. Overnight everything seems worse, and they stay online and exhaust themselves, not to mention say things they shouldn't in order to impress.

Taking all that away will allow him the space to return to a more stable period.

Gatehouse77 · 15/02/2019 15:43

You may be allowed to stay overnight with him. DH did with our 15 year old.

BlueSuffragette · 15/02/2019 16:56

Oh OP I feel so sorry for you and your son. Just wanted to send you hugs and best wishes. I really hope he can begin to open up and talk to you and/or the professionals. It must be terrifying for him and for you. Hugs to you both. Xx Flowers

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/02/2019 17:08

OP, another one just saying I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

You are doing your absolute bloody best to do what's right for him and I'm so relived he agreed to go to hospital. I hope they can help and start to give him (and you) the support you both (well, all of you) so obviously need.

Hugs and Flowers from me.

UnilakTea · 15/02/2019 17:09

Watching with interest as I used to be exactly the same as your son X

Gina2012 · 15/02/2019 17:26

Oh my goodness. I'm in tears reading some of these posts. I have no answers but I want to send you ALL my love and a huge hug ThanksThanks

Original poster
cricketmum84 · 15/02/2019 17:28

Blood tests are clear but they are admitting him until he has had a mental health assessment, tomorrow at the earliest x

OP posts:
RickOShay · 15/02/2019 17:32

You are doing the right thing. My heart goes out to you sweetheart Flowers

Original poster
cricketmum84 · 15/02/2019 17:37

I just want to say just how much comfort and support this thread has given me during such a hard time.

You are all angels. Thank you so much xx

OP posts:
Gina2012 · 15/02/2019 17:38

Blood tests are clear but they are admitting him until he has had a mental health assessment, tomorrow at the earliest x

This seems to me to be a very positive move forward for you all xxx

endofthelinefinally · 15/02/2019 17:45

You have done so well. You got him to the right place and got help for him.
Keep telling him how much you all love him. He needs to hear it.

HollowTalk · 15/02/2019 17:46

So sorry you're having such a terrible time. Flowers

endofthelinefinally · 15/02/2019 17:54

Music is a wonderful comfort and therapy. Does he compose or write?
There are lots of groups for young musicians. Maybe the nurses or therapists could suggest something.

Transpeaked · 15/02/2019 18:10

Glad they have listened. Hang tight. You’re a great mum

Gina2012 · 15/02/2019 18:33

Glad they have listened. Hang tight. You’re a great mum

Absolutely! You are Thanks

Papergirl1968 · 15/02/2019 18:47

Don't let them send him out if you feel you can't keep him safe. I made that mistake a fortnight ago after DD's last overdose, despite her saying she'd do it again. I wish I'd just refused to leave until they found her specialist care.
I have cried so many times in exhaustion and frustration, and because I hate to see her in so much pain.
There was a child with peritonitis in the bed opposite and I envied his mother because although he had been very poorly, he was recovering, and his body was so easily fixed compared to DD's mind.

Original poster
cricketmum84 · 15/02/2019 21:13

They are keeping him in. I have to stay even though he really doesn't want me to. Just nipped home for some clothes and toothbrushes then back to hospital x

OP posts:
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