am i being unresonable to expect my husband to prioritse his children over his relatives

[MMMMS]

I have been married for almost three years and have 2 DS's. recently my husband has said he no longer wants to financially support me as he wants to financially support his relatives. i have told him that its his responsibility to care for me and his children first and if he doesnt want to provide for us, its better for him to leave.

He sounds a jerk of the highest degree, whatever his religion. He is in fact hiding behind the religion to behave in a ludicrous manner.

I know all about about funding freeloading relatives, but no self-respecting human being puts their wife, and especially their very young children, after other people.

I agree that appealing to family is the first stop, and what about those with religious authority? Is there anyone who could speak to this man to set him straight about his responsibilities (and not doing cash in hand...).

It is hard to say if yabu or not.

Cultural differences can be complicated. You say he is from another culture, so before you got married were you aware of these cultural obligations? If you were then I think you are being a bit unreasonable as you should have anticipated that his may happen.

On one hand I understand that he may feel strongly the need to support his uncles. Are they unable to work? Are they living in poverty and struggling? He probably sees that you are able to support yourselves with your own income so he doesn't understand what the problem is. If you had no income I would think he was being very unreasonable of course! But if you can mange well on your own income and he is able to help his uncle as well then you are being a bit unreasonable.

I can understand that this situation would make you feel unsupported and less important. You are not at all unreasonable to be hurt because of this.

Point out if he does not support your children his relatives will be homeless. As when you divorce his arse for unreasonable behaviour in putting his family before his children half that house will be yours and you can force the sale. Then it will not matter what gifts he buys as will be no where to keep them. I am sure hmrc would be interested in how he earns his money and afforded a house with no income showing on their systems.

I just read that they are wealthy. Did they give him money or support him when he was younger? Is this why he feels obligated?

@PyongyangKipperbang

You’re posts play right into the hands of people like @PyongyangKipperbang**

Explain
I’m sure you can work it out you sound very incitful...

uumm he sounds like an idiot, why are you even with this guy? Atleast if you split up you can get maintenance from him

ladies if you ever marry someone from abroad be very careful! i know not at all men are the same but the MAJORITY of them are like this!

Well OP - My DP is from abroad (as am I), and isn't like this. We aren't even married yet and he is very supportive.

Having said that - sending money to 'hangers on' relatives is common enough in my particular culture - so I avoided marrying someone from my own country as I'm not having less of a family life because some relative wants things for self and family and expects my H, and via him me, to provide.

If he's rich get on with it but if not - No. I don't subsidise.

& I'm not Muslim.

Some good points in this thread but some people don't understand nuance and how expectations can have an impact. It's not always as easy as saying Not All Men - we know that already. & certainly not as easy as looking at it solely from a western perspective.

But for a man who allows the weight of cultural expectations into his marriage, no matter what is said - it's shit if it's not what a woman wants or expects.

I'd not have gone into it in the1st place. Didn't you know, OP? There are always signs. I presume they'd been around throughout relationship/from the time you met.

I hope he knows you mean business op. What a shit dad he is. Being the
Big man for the uncles whilst leaving his wife and kids short.
I wouldn't do a thing for him and tell him to piss off to one of his other wives. Let him wash his dirty undies.

Ghanagirl

What on earth are you on about?! And it's insightful by the way.

I have just seen on the BBC website a case of a man in Bangladesh suing his son for retirement maintenance.

Hope it doesn't catch on here!

MMMMS the Muslim men I have spoken to tell me the 'treat them all fairly' rule means it's obvious you can't treat all your wives fairly so you shouldn't marry more than one wife.

@Moussemoose it still doesn't put them off getting a second

@IrmaFayLear hope not!

@Zoflorabore indeed just gotta hold my head up and move on

Hope you're ok op