am i being unresonable to expect my husband to prioritse his children over his relatives

[MMMMS]

I have been married for almost three years and have 2 DS's. recently my husband has said he no longer wants to financially support me as he wants to financially support his relatives. i have told him that its his responsibility to care for me and his children first and if he doesnt want to provide for us, its better for him to leave.

@Ghanagirl i pay my parents rent so technically not freeloading! and for your kind information i do work!

@MMMMS
You need to get your story straight as you weren’t working in your early post.

sometimes i feel our religion is made for men

Only sometimes?! Everyone knows Islam is made for men, as are most religions. Made by men, for men. Very few religions where women aren’t disadvantaged/discriminated against in some way.

LTB OP. He sounds like a waste of oxygen.

Ghanagirl sweetie have you heard of maternity leave?? thats what i am on at the moment :) whilst on maternity leave you are still employed:)

shame we women cant start our own religion

We started something much better than religion - feminism! I suggest you try it out

@Pernickity1 indeed you are absolutely correct. the more i look into my religion about marriage topics the more it seems like a mans paradise...multiple wives, being allowed to divorce a woman by just saying divorce three times. who needs the family court for divorce when you can just say it

My husband is from abroad. Your statement is unreal. My husband has supported his family back home after saving and ensuring our needs are met here first, as a result of this, he hasn’t been back home for 4 years, 8 years before that.
Just because your husband is a dick, don’t tar everyone with the same brush.

@MMMMS
I’m just trying to understand your situation.
I think you should stop deriding your culture as your husband is the problem.
I know many south Asian couples some Muslim and your portraying a crass stereotype.
I suggest you concentrate on your relationship get counselling from organisations which support Asian women instead of peddling anti Muslim retoric online.

@Fluffytheevil1
Spot on! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Be careful, him and his relatives might decide that its "traditional" for your kids to live with them in his home country. See a solicitor to talk about a Prohibited Steps Order.

@MMMMS I feel for you as I understand the situation you are in (not personally but it’s my culture too), but please stop blaming your husbands actions on religion.

The things you are talking about are cultural and practiced by people of all religions in that part of the world.

You can use your religion to ask your husband to step up as it is clear and explicit that the wife and children (as well as parents) are the financial responsibility of the father/husband. As a Muslim man he doesn’t get to opt out of that. You have clear grounds for divorce if he is not fulfilling that.

If your parents are supporting him then move yourself and your children out of that toxic environment before your children grow up on this rubbish. Your DH sounds like a waste of space, he has two children he refuses to support. Get rid of him before the children are older and it gets hard to separate.

Seek advice from women’s aid

@PyongyangKipperbang thanks for the advice will be looking into this!

@MMMMS
You’re posts play right into the hands of people like @PyongyangKipperbang

@Fluffytheevil1 im not tarring everyone with the same brush...if you read my posts carefully you will see i am saying some not all but Some so please read carefully :) im sure there are some nice men out there

@mowglik indeed you are correct, its just he seems to finger point to religion whenever he causes a stir up!but absolutely correct need to get me and my children out of that toxic environment and build a better future for them. i dont want my two boys turning out like their father!

@Pernickity1 i better look into it. thank the heavens we live in a country which supports women

ladies if you ever marry someone from abroad be very careful! i know not at all men are the same but the MAJORITY of them are like this!

I have sympathy for you OP, but sweeping statements like this really annoy me. I married someone from abroad, who does happen to send his (our) family money, it's cultural and I understand this. Your situation sounds extreme and I wouldn't put up with it. Are there many pros of staying in this marriage, other than to keep your parents happy?

coffeeforone i guess your right, my emotions have gotten the best of me. intention is not to offend anyone. unfortunately no other pros apart from keeping parents happy

You’re posts play right into the hands of people like @PyongyangKipperbang**

Explain

Do you any have siblings or cousins of your generation that would help get your parents on your side, maybe via aunts/uncles talking to them - in your situation I would ideally want my parents on side for support.

also my parents are supporting him and i have no concern for that

You should. If he won't support his children, there is no conceivably reason why your parents should support him.

If you can't afford to move out, he won't go and your parents won't make him I'd move out of the "marital bed" and sleep in with the kids, reduce what you pay your parents rent for the four of you by 1/4, don't buy him food, cook him meals, wash his clothes etc. Tell him if he won't step up and support him wife and child then he can do it ALL himself.

He might be able to say Divorce Divorce Divorce to consider himself divorced but the state doesn't. You can file for a legal divorce on grounds on unreasonable behaviour

@MMMMS you sound very intelligent and articulate. I fully understand that culturally you are swimming against the tide.
I don't think you are going to change anything as your husband believes older relatives need him more than his children.
He should be trying to build a future for his family.
What I find puzzling is that you can carry the financial responsibility of your children when you are a mere woman?
I would have imagine these men would be too proud to let you work?
You are in an impossible situation. Your religion is against women and unless you have strong support from your family things are never going to change.
Don't have any more children and I guess your H didn't grow up here.

These muslims eh?

Are your parents Muslim too?