am i being unresonable to expect my husband to prioritse his children over his relatives

[MMMMS]

I have been married for almost three years and have 2 DS's. recently my husband has said he no longer wants to financially support me as he wants to financially support his relatives. i have told him that its his responsibility to care for me and his children first and if he doesnt want to provide for us, its better for him to leave.

hi all, it may be a cultural thing to help relatives and family but youd assume he would prioritise his family mother father siblings before relatives but its relatives and relatives then his family then my kids...very confused on how to handle this

You need to explain this more fully.

they are his children, and his relatives are his uncles that he has grown up with but he feels a strong urge of responsibility for them but not for me or his kids. he expects me to pay for them whilst he can save and spend on them

Tell him you are going to kick him out and use the CMS to get him to pay for his share of your children, which they can do by an attachment of earning order, as in the UK regardless if the cultural background you are from you are legally expected to pay for any children you are the parent off.

my DH is originally from abroad, he lives in a joint family and has now moved to the uk to live with me. currently his relatives are living in his property rent free. his relatives are financially well off but very greedy they are always pretending to love him like he is gods gift and he thinks its his responsibility to shower them with gifts. he wants me to solely provide for our children and that he can save and buy stuff for his relatives.
sorry for the delayed response, unfortunately i have an irritable DS who is teething

@wetwipesgointhebin thanks for the advice but easier said then done, his job is cash in hand so no track record of his earnings

This is a ridiculous notion, of course he should be supporting his children!

Is he expecting to still live with you and pay nothing? If so, tell him to do one.

So it’s not elderly parents but a random uncle

his job is cash in hand - there’s your answer. That’s illegal. You say he came from abroad to join you but you don’t say what his residency status is. It doesn’t seem wise for him to be defrauding HMRC in this way. I don’t know the law in this area but he shouldn’t be breaking it. People can be deported for law-breaking.
He needs to pay for his children or you can report him for not paying tax in the proper way.

If he isn’t going to support his children and wants to leave that entirely up to you, then he can just leave.

He won’t be able to send any money to his relatives if he’s got to pay you child maintenance and also put a roof over his head!

I understand that in some cultures an uncle is almost as close as a parent - but even if he was proposing supporting his parents over you and the kids it would be odd

Can you actually support the children on your own? Or are they going to suffer (and not just in a "we can only have two holidays a year and one pony each" way)?

I've never heard anything so ridiculous in my entire life. He doesn't get to opt out of his responsibilities to you and his family. Even if he left you he'd still have to pay CM.

So he wants to become a cocklodger? I’d show him the door and claim proper maintenance from him

thanks everyone for your opinions...i have the same thoughts and will have to show him the door! my salary is ok to survive on, however i dont think i could work with two kids under the age of two

Legal advice op. What about wills and pensions?

WTF in which culture do you not support your offspring who are young children??

Ghana Girl I know a good few women married to men who seem to think their back home relatives matter so much that they keep their wife short of essentials. Or - expect her to work and support herself & children, whilst he works to support himself and relatives.

& They don't always make clear at the outset it will be so.

Since OP gave barely any info about the time - I asked if that could be a scenario

The cultural thing in this being a mindset/expectation- not a tradition.

Are these children physically born yet, OP?

& Now I've just scrolled upthrwad seen full story.

Surprise surprise - not.

You sound sensible OP. Good for you. Rude of him but I've seen this situation too often. Grown relatives being supported out of sense of obligation. Said relatives don't care if you suffer.

Surely his family wouldn't want you suffering fir them .? I'd ditch him tbh just for even considering it

You have got be honest and straight forward with him that his children are his responsibility. I can relate with the cultural issue of relatives extracting money back home. Slowly with time he will see their real faces.

I would suggest give him a cold shoulder so he realizes what he would be missing if you and the kids are not there

This is only the start. I'm not making assumptions re culture - this crap happens world wide and across religions. How long before extended family start arranging marriages with your kids? I'm not saying they'll marry a 3 year old but your husband will probably agree to an arrangement in the future. As for living rent free in his property abroad; good luck in trying to reclaim that!

@MrsCatE you are totally right. in my religion men are allowed 4 wives, he wouldnt miss the chance if his relatives in the near future told him to marry his daughters!