AIBU to tell it to my DD as it is?

[mioko]

DD is 15, and is applying for sixth form. She wants to be a surgeon, and has for a long time. She wants to do biology, chemistry and maths. The only problem is that I don't believe she's smart enough to go down this route. I've gently tried to push her more towards nursing, but she's adamant. She only got a 3 in her science mocks, and a 4 in maths. In my head, this just doesn't seem enough. My son is currently in uni doing veterinary medicine, and he got all A's in his GCSES. I don't want to be absolutely awful and tell my daughter she 'isn't good enough' to achieve her dreams, but I really don't want her to be let down. Should I just tell her?

Could you get information about getting into medical college? Maybe from the BMA or careers service. There must be plenty of stuff online.
I think at 15, there is time for her to turn her grades around.

I heard of someone who didn't shine at school and became a secretary, who later did science A-levels and then trained to be a doctor.

@3in 4years - 9- a* 8- a, 7- a ( or thereabouts). A 3 is around a d.

She probably isn’t going to be a surgeon but that doesn’t mean you need to shut her down so completely now.

^^this. Just stick to facts about entry requirements. My only worry would if she has an aptitude for another subject e.g. history/art/music and drops it for science subjects when they dont come as naturally to her. If they are genuinely her favourite subjects then i dont see the harm in letting her try. There are lessons to be learnt whether she succeeds or fails.

Yes. Sorry to have confused anyone.

3in4years, that's incorrect.
Level 3 or 4 is what bottom sets are aiming for. Levels 7, 8 and 9 are the top set, surgeon type marks.

HeckyPeck Sure, there isn't anything stopping her, but there will be hundreds of people who didn't have to resit that will be much more likely to get accepted onto the course much before they consider someone who had to resit.

Interceptor Obviously I wouldn't be going up to her and saying that she can't do it, nor would I be putting her down. I'd be sitting her down and talking about her other options.

Sorry, to contradict a pp,

9 = A**
8 = A*
7 = A

roughly.

Ds1 got a 2 in his English, (his aspergers is not English friendly, he's a maths, computing, sciency person. Had to resit 3 times and finally passed with a 3. He would have had an A* with his 2 grade the other way around! But he did get As, Bs etc in his other subjects and went on to further some of those in A levels.

Don't tell her 'these grades aren't good enough for medicine'. Just encourage her to focus on the GCSEs to get past the 5s and then by sixth form when applying through UCAS - she'll then decide something else or do a foundation course into healthcare/medicine.

For example, Plymouth and York have a foundation course that accept BBB in sciences but of course, they might base itself on widening participation so it might not be the one for your DD.

3in4years

1 = A**
2 = A*
3 = A
Or thereabouts. So your daughter's results are similar to your son's. So YABU not to encourage her.

——

9=A**
1=G

So pretty far off. Recent results give an equivalent of a D in Science, and low C in Maths. That won’t (or shouldn’t) get you into an A Level course.

Ah, crosspost.

What is it that attracts her to that job? If she fancies working in a hospital, there's a huge variety of jobs to choose from. If she wants to be present at an operation, again there are other jobs.

Maybe ask her whether she'd like to be operated on by a surgeon who hadn't bothered doing much work in school!

She has got 4 months to climb at least 4 grades. She might manage it but she needs to be studying 3 or 4 HOURS a night to put the required information into her head, and she needs to have the capacity to understand it having not listened properly the first time round.

Why not set her expectations- that you will support and encourage her but she needs to work very hard to get 7-9s in her science and maths GCSEs. Plus it’s a huge jump from gcse to A level. There are some great online resources that she may find useful for the science GCSEs - DC2 used a paid for resource that School had recommended and said it was more useful in the run up to exams than going over notes or using revision guides. Has your DD considered sports science as a possible degree? I wouldn’t push the nursing route if their heart isn’t in it...

Since you know very little about alternatives, I would be wary about suggesting nursing. Let her careers officer do the job of thinking of alternatives. And let her get used to researching careers herself.

A friend's ds who didn't make medicine did biochemistry instead and was very happy.

Sleepsoon She's very into netball and is on the local team, so sports science may be something she could be interested in if she looked into it.

Hollowtalk I think she just wants to work in a medical setting, and in my opinion and after speaking to her, it seems a bit like the only reason she wants to be a surgeon is because she's sure that would make her the most money.

Does you daughter have any idea of the career pathway she will need to follow to become a consultant surgeon? If her future career choice has been made watching Greys Anatomy and the many documentaries about surgeon I would suggest you step in and gently guide her towards factual information regarding the next 20 years of her life if she chooses this career.
Twenty years is probably the minimum if she wants to slot in a relationship and children.
Surgery has always been over glamourised. The reality is very different.

My brother always wanted to be a doctor and none of us thought he'd make it. He didn't have the grades for it. In the end he went to uni to do a biomedical sciences degree and then went on to do graduate medicine. He's about to qualify as a doctor. Yes it wasn't the quickest route but he stuck at it and worked damn hard and we're proud of him for it

I wouldn't stress about this at all yet. She could change her mind ten times over before she gets anywhere near the point of choosing to study medicine. When I was 15, I wanted to be an accountant. Dead set on it. End of A-Levels, I went off to study History. Unclear plans but definitely not teaching, no way. Ended up taking teacher training 4 years later.

Just be factual when the topic comes up at present, she doesn't have the grades so she'll need to get her head down if that is what she wants. And then wait and see how the exams go and decide on what she can do next. Take it in small stages at this age, rather than discussing what might be possible many years down the line.

Don't say anything, it won't go well for you.

I studied foundation French for total beginners in first year at university. I passed, but it wasn't possible to move into the second year French class from there. I sat outside the head of department's office every day for 2 weeks until I persuaded them to let me in. I read the dictionary every night for a year! I failed my 2nd year exams by 2%, resat at summer school, passed, then moved to France for a year. Now I work in pharma, spend lots of time in Brussels, and speak French all the time. If she's determined, you don't know what she'll accomplish!

There’s nothing wrong with saying keep your options open and see how you feel in 6 months, 12 months etc. Suggesting she doesn’t do a levels at all and suggesting nursing might be interpreted by her as not believing in her/ feeling you think she’s not good enough to do what she wants to.

Nursing is a profession deserves respect as such but it is often used in the same way as people saying, “ Have you thought about adoption?” to those who struggle with fertility problems. They are very different things and someone who wants to go down one route and can’t isn’t necessarily a good fit for the other path.

My DH’s partner didn’t get in first time so trained to be a paramedic and is going back as an older student to become a doctor now, there are lots of options for her.

Ah DH’s brother!!!!!! Baby brain!!!

Could you get her a tutor to help her get better grades?

No good will come from being the one to burst her bubble - she might even blame you if she gets less as “mum said I wouldn’t be able to do it”.

If she does three good science a levels but doesn’t get into medicine then at least she has chosen aevels with academic standing which are likely to get her on another course.

& if she has to repeat a year because she chooses the wrong a levels it’s not the end of the world.

I think like you that she is very unlikely to get into medicine but can’t see who benefits from you pointing that out more than once.

crikey I think that's what I'm going to do - just leave it and support her in getting the grades she wants. I'll have a look into tutors as well. You make a good point about them still being good a-levels, I'm just worried about her not getting the grades to do those a levels and then having no idea what to do in sixth form!