To ask to much you drink when in charge of your child?

[meow1989]

Just wondered as to what everyone's idea of a sensible limit is?

If DH is drinking a couple of beers I'll tend not to, but tonight fancied a glass of prosecco (home measure so about 200ml). Had poured myself another but then put it back as I didn't have dinner (big lunch) and we have a 7 month old DS.

My thinking is if I need to I'll be able drive if I absolutely needed to and I'll wake easily if DS does (still in our room, sleeps through except for dummy wakes, only cosleep in morning after 6.30 bottle).

DH doesn't necessarily think like this and didn't see anything wrong with us both having a second (absolutely amicable brief conversation as to why I put mine back) so I'm just curious as to what everyone else sets as their limit?

We don't really drink at home and on the very rare occasions that we do, it's usually only one of us having a single G&T or glass of wine etc.

When we go out (also very rare!!LOL) then one of us will invariably drive as we live out in the sticks. The only real time both of us will have more than one or two is if we go away overnight somewhere, without any kids!

I suppose it depends on where you live, what your support system is like and what kind of dc's you have. My ds was sick ALL the time and in the ER every other month. I would never have more than one drink if I was the only adult in the home with him (ex-h didn't count as a second adult, so that was most of the time as I didn't have nearby family). And that went on until he moved out at 17+. I think the only time I ever had more than one drink was the few times he was in the hospital for several weeks. And even then never more than 2 drinks. With dd, I've been less worried. Now that she's 16 and driving herself (we're in usa), I might even have 2 drinks in an evening and once I even had 3 and had her pick me up.

PS. I live in Los Angeles where attitudes to drinking are quite different than in the UK. It would be completely normal for one parent to not drink at all if there were small children in the household and probably frowned upon if both did.

I'd love to know how old some of your kids are, it all sounds a bit PFB. DD1 is in Y6 and they've been learning about alcohol and smoking. She said they were asked if they had a parent or grandparent who smoke, only a couple did. Then they were asked if their parents or grandparents drank. The only ones who didn't were Muslim. 97% of British adults drink, not drinking because you have children is the exception.

Our last house was 5 mins walk to the hospital, DS has asthma and when he was hounger and it wasn't controlled we regularly took him to hospital after we'd had a glass of wine with dinner. No-one called SS .

because this very common behaviour is being made out to be a potentially fatal form of child neglect.

If that’s a reference to my comments then you’ve misunderstood. I do not for one second think people who have a drink while their kids are sleeping. My choice not to drink is entirely due to the (very low, but there) chance that in the event of an emergency someone involved decides my drinking was worth reporting and starts a snowball of shit for me. I’m a single parent and yes, probably paranoid, but I’ve seen how SS work. I’m not taking that risk. That’s all it’s about for me. Not a judgement on anyone who does drink.

I have four siblings and none of us ever needed to go to hospital. Would have been a shame for my parents not to have been able to enjoy their very 1980s tipple of a bottle of Piat d'Or together on the odd occasion.

Once they've gone to bed (ages 7months and 4years) we might drink a couple of bottles of beer or a couple of glasses of prosecco each whilst we watch a film. We dont do that often though... probably once a month if that.

Wed both be slightly over the limit but if you needed to get to the hospital during the night in an emergency then youd call an ambulance surely? And if not an ambulance level emergency then we are close enough to the hospital to get a cab.

Have had a drink with a meal when we are out with the kids but nothing to make us over the driving limit.

As I’ve said, I haven’t drunk alcohol since getting pregnant with my first. However, it’s not something I talk about or ‘admit’ to irl as I am sure I’d be called ott or over anxious!

2-3 glasses of wine, dh will have a 2 glasses of wine or a couple of beers, our kids are older now though, I never drank around them when they where babies.

SofiaAmes but isn't drink driving more socially acceptable in America? I know it's a big place with lots of regional variation but on American TV shows characters are always shown driving to and from bars. And all bars seem to have massive car parks.

but it's very rare for someone to go teetotal after having children
I did. I wasn’t a huge drinker, but wasn’t teetotal. I didn’t drink when I was pregnant and just never went back to it.

I prefer to be sober in charge of DD in case there is a problem, but couldn’t care less what others choose to do. I also couldn’t bear to deal with a hangover and a grumpy child, and any alcohol at all gives me a hangover.

my husband is pretty adamant that only one of us will drink at a time in case of emergency's.
Just make sure it’s not always him 😉

The people saying they would get a taxi, where I live we don't have Uber and you have to phone round the taxi companies and quite often there are no free taxies.

Wouldn't drink anything. Don't see the point of it.

We both drink what we want which might mean one of us has a couple, we both do or neither of us do. We’ve never needed a middle of the night hospital trip yet (touch wood!) and if we did and we’d both been drinking we’d call a taxi. Given there are junkies dragging up children all over the place I can’t imagine parents being over the drink drive limit (as long as not incapable) would trigger social service involvement

I almost never drink, but very very occasionally OH and I share a bottle of wine. Having a child/children didn't stop that. Maybe because it's so unusual, I didn't think about it? I mean, I'd have to be super unlucky for some major event to occur on one of the two nights a year that I drink half a bottle of wine, wouldn't I?

Besides that, I know lots of people who don't drive or have a car (Londoner here), so I'm not sure being able to do so at all times is really a thing worth worrying about.

Not so silly when the A&E nurse smells alcohol on you and SS are called and you have to explain your entire existence to them until they’re satisfied you aren’t going to drop your child off a bridge or lose them down the back of the sofa despite being a feckless drunk single mother

If only that were true. SS are pushed to their limits. A mother who smells a little bit of Prosecco won't push any emergency buttons. The NHS is too busy with real life threatening situations.
Mums sometimes drink some alcohol. But if their child needs medical attention, and Mum is enough on the ball to bring them to A&E in a taxi then they are obviously good and caring parents.

If you are staggering and falling about drunk in A&E, then perhaps SS might be called. But a whiff of alcohol won't bring the ceiling down. Not in this day and age anyway. I work in a non medical position in a hospital. It's a huge decision to call SS, and it's not taken lightly.
Only if the parent appears incapable of caring for their child.
Not just if they appear to have had a couple of drinks and chosen to get a taxi rather than drive.

Some of us do genuinely stick to having no more than one drink.

My daughter is under 2 and still wakes twice a night for milk, and normally comes into bed for a cuddle. So one of us needs to be sober.

If we go out for the evening, one of us will drive. So again, one of us will need to stay sober. It Doesn't make us any better than anyone else, it's just we like to be cautious knowing that one of us will be up with our daughter, so one of us stays sober

Well that’s reassuring to hear flagrance. I’m still taking no risks.

I have a thimble of bourbon I pour myself on New Year’s Day that I then ration for the rest of the year.

I won’t allow myself to drink more than this incase there’s a family or friend emergency where the only ways and means of survival for them would be reliant on me being cold stone sober.

Taxi, ambulance, neighbour I’ve no need for your assistance

I don’t drink at home (because of growing up with an alcoholic father and seeing whatnone beer / vodka & Orange / glass of wine turned into) ... not saying that everyone who has a drink in the evening is an alcoholic just for me it’s not something I do because of that.
I do drink if I go out but that’s rare now

DH isn’t a big drinker either so I’d say for 99% of the year we’re sober at home but that’s just us.

No myrter Reasons here just not our life style. I expect I’ll be accused of lying or being a myrter tho 😒

I've no problem with having a couple of glasses of wine, of I suddenly needed to go to A&E, I'd get a taxi! Not sure I know anyone in real life who has a "one parent must be sober at all times" rule...

If I'm not drunk enough to forget I've even got children I keep on going.

I drink 1-2 glasses of wine sometimes when the kids are in bed. Didn't really drink at all for a few years when breastfeeding/co-sleeping but they sleep through (sort of) now.

I was an A&E nurse for years and have seen a world of terrible stuff worthy of SS. Drunk and incompetent in charge of a child would be an issue. A bit of alcohol once kids are in bed is not something I'd bat an eyelid at.

I think having one parent stay completely sober is a bit ott.

DH and I never really drunk that much and nowadays I rarely drink at all but DSs are now teenagers and we can all drive.

However, there is nothing wrong with chilling out with a bottle of wine between you at a weekend night if you are in the mood. DSs liked it when we'd had a couple to be honest as we were probably much more fun!

As PP said, if you absolutely needed to go to the hospital for any reason then you could get a taxi. I live in Scotland, our limit is much much lower and you really can't drink at all and you need to be very careful if you need to drive the next day too.

@ilovepixie

I think that’s probably an important distinction. If you live rurally then “I’d just call a taxi” isn’t always an option. Ambulances aren’t easy to come by either. And has anyone actually tried to call a taxi on a Saturday night? Same with ambulances, they’re not that easy to get.

I had friends who came to stay at a holiday cottage with us and they were convinced it would be a great opportunity to get me drunk so they could see me drunk (not sure why that was so important to them) At 35 miles to the nearest A&E, a taxi would have cost a fortune.