To ask to much you drink when in charge of your child?

[meow1989]

Just wondered as to what everyone's idea of a sensible limit is?

If DH is drinking a couple of beers I'll tend not to, but tonight fancied a glass of prosecco (home measure so about 200ml). Had poured myself another but then put it back as I didn't have dinner (big lunch) and we have a 7 month old DS.

My thinking is if I need to I'll be able drive if I absolutely needed to and I'll wake easily if DS does (still in our room, sleeps through except for dummy wakes, only cosleep in morning after 6.30 bottle).

DH doesn't necessarily think like this and didn't see anything wrong with us both having a second (absolutely amicable brief conversation as to why I put mine back) so I'm just curious as to what everyone else sets as their limit?

Since having children I drink much, much less generally. Part of that is about valuing my sleep, and I don't sleep well after a few glasses of wine. Part of it is about not wanting to be mardy and hungover and have to deal with them. And part of it is that I want to be able to wake up and hear them/ respond to them if needed. So I very rarely drink more than a couple of glasses of wine on a Friday or Saturday and dh is similar. We've had parties at ours of course on occasion and I may drink more then, but neither of us would get to the stumbling around stage. Even on my 40th recently I still felt in control.

Dsis regularly gets to the slurring/ stumbling/ falling stage but that's because excessive alcohol consumption has been normalised in our family. Her 9yo dd now gets upset about it. Dsis would say it's not a problem but with our history I don't ever want my kids growing up thinking that's normal, or that just because we'd consider ourselves good parents in all other respects that absolves us of the responsibility to keep our alcohol consumption within reasonable limits.

I happily have a glass or two of wine or a bottle or two of beer if I fancy. I am never legless and I don't think it hurts for my 8 year old to see an adult with a healthy relationship with alcohol. A glass of wine with dinner is fine. If I needed to take the kid somewhere urgently and I'd had a drink I'd call a cab. If she is ill I certainly don't feel like a relaxed evening meal with accompanying wine so it is very unlikely I'd want to drink then.

If I know I am driving I don't drink at all.

I feel fine to drink as much as I want. But then again, I have always been the type to be in control while drinking (I have a fear of vomiting, so will never drink way too much and be sloshed). I can drink to be tipsy, but always responsible etc. But we also live in London, do not own a car. If I have to take a dc to the hospital, we call an uber. I had two glasses of wine once, then my ds complained about pain in his testicle region (he had surgery there 6 months prior) so I took him straight to hospital and spent 7 hours there, while different doctors met and checked him over. All was completely fine. But alcohol effects everyone differently.

Personally until my boys were both over 7 years i never had a drink when they were in my care. My eldest suffered febrile convulsions as a toddler. If something happened i needed to be thinking clearly as his life could depend on it. My friends baby stopped breathing at 6 months had she been drinking she may not have gave effective cpr.

I drink - I drank throughout my kids childhood (not excessive; a couple at the weekend).

HOWEVER - you don't need to be a parent to be called upon. My kids were at their father's one weekend, and DP and I were at his, having a few drinks. At 1AM, (halfway through a nice - err, snuggle! ) we get a knock on the door. It's the dd of his neighbour; she'd been drinking and fell over, cutting her arm. She'd also fallen into a few bushes on the way home from the pub, and was covered in scratches and cuts. We cleaned her up, couldn't get hold of her DM (who was also out in the pub getting hammered, as usual for a weekend - and she can;t drive anyway) so as we'd been drinking, we caught a taxi to A&E, where she was (eventually, 3 hours later) patched up and got another taxi back.

We never got the taxi fare back from either of them, and the DM went into one, complaining that the dd should have had 'proper' stitches, not just steri-stitches. And that was our fault, apparently.

Moral of the story - drink if you want. Get a taxi if you need to. You never know when you might be needed, so either don't ever drink, or drink anyway.

I drink as much as I like. Never in 18 years of parenting have I needed to take a child urgently to a&e in the middle of the night whilst worse for wear with drink.

Bizarre to live your life round something so unlikely.

Nothing at all if I'm in sole charge of DS

Bizarre to live your life round something so unlikely.

I've had to take DS to A&E at least twice in the middle of the night due to bronchiolitis. Several other times still during the day or evening.

Have had to cope with constant vomiting too. Can't think how I'd have coped if I was more than tipsy.

It may be unlikely for some, less so for others.
In any case, and as per the OP, fine if there are two parents and one is still fairly sober.

I've drank more than I should have a couple of times since my eldest was born 5 years ago when I've been on my own with them. To the point of being fairly drunk.

On both occasions, the kids have been in good health and tucked up safely in bed before any alcohol has been consumed and it's been when I've had friends over. I've been back to form by the morning but I feel like an awful parent now after reading this thread. I didn't really think much of it but I suppose I hadn't really considered the worst case scenario.

I'm a relatively young mum and am alone with the kids a lot. I feel like I've been very irresponsible now.

“I've had to take DS to A&E at least twice in the middle of the night due to bronchiolitis.”

So you have had to do it 2/6570 nights and I’ve had to do it 0/6570 nights.

Still saying it’s unlikely.

But the cost of having been drunk on those nights could have been unbearable.
Certainly not worth having too many drinks.

Well y'know i try to match them drink for drink, but it os difficult keeping up with toddlers, especially when they switch to the Sambuca.

Just as an aside I have had to take my youngest to hospital several times. Two of them were ambulance trips but as for the others he needed me to care for him and keep a constant eye on him.
I could not have driven even if I’d wanted to.

Not all parents even have cars.

Myself or my husband could have a few drinks and still easily care for our children if hey are sick, ill etc. As we have done several times. Not talking drinking until we are shitfaced but two or three drinks each over the course of an evening.

I’ve not read the whole thread but I can imagine the virtue signalling going on

FFS you can enjoy a drink without getting drunk. Or are some of you incapable of stopping once you start so impliedly the rest of us are inferior, reckless parents should we not should abstain

For the record and to make it clear, I'm not saying anyone should abstain, just think of having a limit when caring for children, particularly on your own.

I also drink what I want but I never want to get drunk or anywhere near.

It is bizarre to live your life, for years and years round something so unlikely.

With bronchiolitis you would have known they were ill before. I don’t drink if my kids are ill. But if I’ve tucked them up with no illness and they are fast asleep there really is no harm in having a few drinks.

I’ve never had to rush to A& E unexpectedly in the night. I also don’t need to keep ‘my wits about me’ when they are asleep, because they are asleep!!

I love how on Mumsnet there is no state of intoxication between stone cold sober and falling down drunk incapable of calling a cab

It's not something that I want for myself regardless. I'm perfectly happy not getting drunk anyway.
Not bizarre at all.
But if I was to get drunk or close to it, it wouldn't be while in sole charge of a child, regardless of the likelihood of the risk if the cost would be too much to bear.

I have never, in real life, met anyone who has abstained from a few drinks when their kids are perfectly healthy and tucked up in bed, on the off chance that they will get sick in the night.

That's one of those 'only on Mumsnet' things.

I'm an adult, I know my limits, I don't drink to get drunk, I have access to reliable taxis, I don't have a morbid fear of SS. I don't see the problem.

I drink as much as I like. Never in 18 years of parenting have I needed to take a child urgently to a&e in the middle of the night whilst worse for wear with drink

Me neither in 16 years of being a parent. However, I don't usually drink more than one small glass of wine a night, 5 nights a week so in extremis I could drive if necessary.

As someone said, there are degrees of drinking. The majority of the population can drink alcohol in moderation without getting legless.

Statistically speaking, I would say that the risk of not being able to access A&E promptly are higher for "car-dependent person living in suburbs who never drinks" than for "non-car-owner in urban area with access to public transport, who drinks as desired." Because cars develop mechanical failures or get iced up, roads become impassible due to snow and ice, the other parent may have taken the car out (or do you now have to have TWO cars in order to be a good parent?), traffic jams hold you up etc.

At the end of the day, though, the risks either way are very small. I can't imagine planning my entire life around such unlikely events.

It's surley a common sense issue? Couple of drinks is fine, being pissed is not. Only mumsnet would you get such extreme ends of the spectrum. In real life, nobody I know thinks twice about a wine with dc in the house, just as I don't know anyone who thinks binge drinking all day is okay.

At the other end of the scale, I have a friend who never drinks alcohol just in case one of her elderly parents needs to go to hospital!

None. Neither of us does until dd is in bed.
I had a glass of wine with my Christmas meal in front of her.

Usually one will drink and the other won't. However we've both been known to drink in charge of the kids. DS is 2.5 and sleeps through, DSS is 9. We live right near the hospital and taxis aren't an issue where we live (just on outskirts of major city). Even still, I won't get steaming. I rarely do, and on the times I have, one of us is in a better state than the other. Not necessarily fit to drive, but certainly in no reckless state. And whoever up thread said when the shit hits the fan they sober up is correct, I've never been so blind drunk I couldn't sober up quickly in an emergency.