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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask to much you drink when in charge of your child?

391 replies

meow1989 · 09/02/2019 23:01

Just wondered as to what everyone's idea of a sensible limit is?

If DH is drinking a couple of beers I'll tend not to, but tonight fancied a glass of prosecco (home measure so about 200ml). Had poured myself another but then put it back as I didn't have dinner (big lunch) and we have a 7 month old DS.

My thinking is if I need to I'll be able drive if I absolutely needed to and I'll wake easily if DS does (still in our room, sleeps through except for dummy wakes, only cosleep in morning after 6.30 bottle).

DH doesn't necessarily think like this and didn't see anything wrong with us both having a second (absolutely amicable brief conversation as to why I put mine back) so I'm just curious as to what everyone else sets as their limit?

OP posts:
Fantababy · 10/02/2019 14:31

The other unusual (in my opinion) thing you see on Mumsnet is all the people feeling judged for not drinking. Most of my friends drink - some don't. Some just drink sometimes. I've never known anyone who felt the need to hide it, or known anyone who presses someone who doesn't drink to drink. I feel the judgement on this thread is very much coming the other way.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 10/02/2019 14:31

I’m okay with being strange Grin it’s still my reasoning!

mondayoneday · 10/02/2019 14:32

Except some have said they do drink, just not when caring for their children

Yes some. Some. There's a large amount of posters who have come on to say that they just don't enjoy drinking anyway, which as I said earlier is irrelevant to the thread.

meow1989 · 10/02/2019 14:35

@daffodildainty I'm not sure if your comment is aimed at me as well as certain posters, but I certainly didn't intend for this to be a smug thread, I started it out of genuine curiosity as to whether I was being over the top, and as I mentioned I expected to be told so.

OP posts:
disneyspendingmoney · 10/02/2019 14:37

From what I remember of the laws there no law preventing intoxication when in charge of a minor in a private place. What you actually get arrested for in such circumstances is endangerment or reckless behaviour.

There is a pre 1910 law that states that you cannot be drunk in charge of a minor on licenced premises but I think it's the licencee that gets charged. I don't think it's been repealed

Also local bylaws prevent you from being intoxicated with a minor on local government owned property such as a library or housing department and some schools.

It's down to the individual, like drinking and driving, but for kids there is no definition of blood alcohol. Just common sense

Pernickity1 · 10/02/2019 14:38

I get pretty hammered on occasion! My DH doesn’t drink so he’ll always be able to drive in an emergency, which is necessary as we live rurally so no taxis/public transport.

I polish off a bottle of wine/prosecco in one go about once a month/every 6 weeks. I probably wouldn’t be great if something went wrong but I take the risk as it’s unlikely anything would go wrong. I do still hear them if they wake at night though (although they rarely do).

When they were tiny and I was still breastfeeding I would have one or two max and would time it/pump and dump etc. but I’d still be up with them during the night. Never co-slept.

JacquesHammer · 10/02/2019 14:41

With booze all the tea totallers appear and about how they don't drink

I’m definriely a tea totaller Grin

Much prefer a nice cuppa!

Birdsgottafly · 10/02/2019 14:47

"people will view drinking alcohol at home most evenings as a way to relax and unwind in the same way as smoking at home is generally viewed nowadays"

I drink because I enjoy it. Friday it was half a bottle of red wine with dinner and watching a film with my DD (21), who drank the other half

Lasy night it was two cocktails, again with Dinner, we watched a few episodes of a comedy we like.

If I'm alone and watching a film, I'll have a drink. If I'm having a curry I like a cold cider with it.

When in charge of my children, I drank up to 3/4 of a bottle of wine, or two ciders.

I wouldn't put a child sick enough into the car and drive. I'd be too stressed. It would be a taxi. I've always lived less than 15 minutes away from our Children's hospital (Alderhey).

In 26 years of Parenting (until my youngest was 16), I've never had to do an overnight hospital dash. Or a daytime one, which is handy because I'll have a cider or cocktail at a BBQ.

Ex SW. I don't know a SW, Nurse or judge/barrister for that matter, who doesn't enjoy a drink.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 10/02/2019 14:50

This is all the people closest to me in life

Me: drank as a teenager until I became pregnant with DC1 after that was a single parent so not socialising a lot and never really got into the habit of drinking at home on my own. Currently drink socially maybe once two or three times a year. Definitely would be considered binge drinking when I do. DC stay overnight at my parents if I go out.

Parents:
mum drinks wine with dinner a few times a week and same at weekend. Probably more than recommended consumption but I don’t track her intake so not sure. She goes out socially half a dozen times a year and drinks. She also holidays a couple of times a year and drinks.

Dad doesn’t drink anymore. He used to drink lots of spirits as a young man but developed stomach problems so cut it out and drank wine and wine coolers for years. He just doesnt anymore. No idea why.

As a child most weekends involved either my house or some other relatives house being the venue for a poker party. Lots of drunk adults in charge of lots of children. Always taxis home. (No single parents though, all couples) I knew how to make loads of different drinks as a child. It never scared me or anything. Those parties were lots of fun. I assumed my adulthood would be continuation of the same Grin

Sister: drank very briefly around 17/18 but decided it wasn’t for her after having a few friends overdoing it and requiring stomachs pumped. She is 32 now and hasnt drank since 18.

Best friend 1: married with two under 4. Drinks most weekends at home with her DH. Goes out socially maybe once or twice a year and drinks.

Best friend 2: single mother for about 10 years. Stopped drinking about a year ago, just wasn’t enjoying the hangovers. Prior to that drank socially only when she was out a few times a year. never at home.

Best friend 3: married with teenage children. Drinks only when out socially which is a couple of times a month. Her husband drinks at home but she doesn’t. Don’t know why. We’ve never discussed it.

Close friend: married no children, husband works away for weeks at a time. Drinks a glass or two of wine a few evenings a week and at weekends. Drinks socially when out once or twice a month. Husband drinks at home when he is home and drinks at work when off duty in the evenings.

Don’t really know the ins and outs of anyone else’s drinking.

Stinkytoe · 10/02/2019 14:52

Ex SW. I don't know a SW, Nurse or judge/barrister for that matter, who doesn't enjoy a drink.

I know several and there’s nothing weird about that at all.

moonfacebaby · 10/02/2019 15:05

I get totally twatted. It’s the only way I can cope with being a parent.

A couple of lines first thing usually cuts through the booze haze & then bobs your uncle, I’m ready for the day!

AlphaJuno · 10/02/2019 15:28

Threads like this are never very accurate because you're going to get all the tee totallers saying they never drink. Not really relevant because they don't like drinking. Anyone who gets totally smashed isn't going to answer because they'd get flamed. Also if you're a regular drinker, a couple of drinks isn't going to have the same affect on someone as someone who rarely drinks so it's all relative. Most people in the real world I know, and myself (apart from my mum who doesn't drink) wouldn't think anything about having a couple of their chosen drink in the daytime (at a bbq for example) and would probably get a bit drunk on the evenings or weekends. Obviously if over the drink drive limit they'd get a taxi or ambulance in an extreme emergency if it were to occur.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 10/02/2019 15:40

Anyone who gets totally smashed isn't going to answer

Except loads did! 😂

Daffodildainty · 10/02/2019 16:40

Meow - no I get that your question came out of genuine curiosity- thanks - entertaining thread . Though I find the holier than thou of some irritating and the suggestion of Health professionals calling SS preposterous- I myself actually rarely had a drink in the house as my exH was a terrible alcoholic and I thought my DD had had too much exposure to alcohol - so I cut out wine with dinner/Sunday lunch etc for role modelling purposes. I did drink when I was out though

ILoveMaxiBondi · 10/02/2019 16:54

Heath professionals never call SS. That’s preposterous. Who would ever suggest such a thing Hmm

Deadbudgie · 10/02/2019 16:59

Well reading this thread I am now pretty certain no one I know uses mumsnet

LancashireTea · 10/02/2019 17:10

Tell you what, though, I don't half miss child free day drinking! Grin

Nothing worse than a hanging head and stomach when DD decides to come in and stick her foot in your face at quarter to 6 in the morning...

AlphaJuno · 10/02/2019 17:49

Except loads did 😂

Sorry I didn't read the whole thread! Only the start and it all seemed to be tee totallers and people saying they never drank in case of an emergency.

KrazyKatlady · 10/02/2019 18:05

I did read the whole thread (thats how exciting my Sunday has been!😂) and from what i recall it was a mixture of don't drink at all/don't drink when kids are around/never give it a thought but have a moderate amount to drink. A couple of people might have said they got drunk but left kids with another responsible adult!!

tigwig76 · 10/02/2019 18:28

Me and dh have always had a few drinks on a weekend. Enough to be tipsy. We would be well over the limit and obviously wouldn't attempt to drive but like others say in an emergency you would call an ambulance. We live minutes away from a hospital so could use taxi also. I don't believe for 1 minute the hospital would inform SS just because you'd had a few drinks on a Sat night. If you could barely walk or speak and incapable that's different but we don't quite drink that much! Once dd did get very poorly. It's amazing how you can sober up when you have to.

AngelaStorm73 · 10/02/2019 18:49

@Deadbudgie

Me either
My friends think you don't drink if you say no to vodka Hmm

AngelaStorm73 · 10/02/2019 18:53

@tigwig76
I have watched someone go from slurring drunk to perfectly capable of dealing with emergency services in the space it took for me to boil the kettle because her DCs needed her. She didn't even need the coffee. She went from mullered to mothering in 30 seconds flat. That was before I had DCs myself, and I was bowled over by her ability to sober up when needed. I have seen it happen many times since. Amazing our capacity to sober up when necessary.

itsabongthing · 10/02/2019 19:03

Not rtft - sorry

I drink as much as I want really.
I’m often pretty fuzzy headed.
Youngest dc is now 3 so not babies anymore:
When they were babies i probably took it easier but that was more about it being unpleasant to be woken up in the night or early in the morning having had a few the night before, and more about tiredness.

If there was a medical emergency I would have no qualms for example in saying to 111 I can’t drive because I’ve had wine so please send an ambulance, or sorting out a lift from friends/family.
If they ever have been ill and I’ve had any inkling that a hospital trip might be needed then I have laid off.

And I’m a social worker by the way.

itsabongthing · 10/02/2019 19:04

... and if there’s ever a job that drives you to drink then that’s it! (Combined with parenting 3 challenging DCs!)

Lookingforadvice123 · 10/02/2019 19:11

I must be lax! I can't remember how much with a 7 month old, no more than 2 each I imagine. But I definitely had more (as did DH) when he was a bit older (eg Christmas Day, he was 12 months). Needed to drive didn't cross my mind really, if it was that urgent we would be able to call a taxi (live in a capital city).

If I didn't have a good sleeper I would have less though, probably one of us would stick to one, to tend to night wake ups.

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