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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Doorbell frantically ringing at 3.30am. WIBU to make DH get up to answer it?

107 replies

DwayneJohnsonsWaxerWannabe · 07/02/2019 16:24

He thinks I shouldn't have woken him to answer the door as he works (I'm a SAHM).

I thought he should have as it could have been an axe murderer at that time (actually terrified it was the police saying something had happened DD who was on a night out).

It was actually DD as she'd forgotten her key!

So who was BU (obviously DD was the most)

OP posts:

user1471517900 · 07/02/2019 16:29

If it was an axe murderer then they would most probably have got past your DH....

DD was clearly to blame here. Not your DH.

MimiSunshine · 07/02/2019 16:29

An axe murderer would have already got in your house 😉

I don’t think YWBU to wake him but if the doorbell hadn't woken him then he was probably just grumpy from being disturbed etc

CallMeSirShotsFired · 07/02/2019 16:33

Do axe murderers generally ring the doorbell these days?

I think you need(ed) to get a grip and answer it yourself.

Or shout through the door if you are one of those MNers who is petrified of the bell.

TheLostTargaryen · 07/02/2019 16:33

YWNBU waking him up to go. My own DH (then BF) once almost shoved me downstairs because we heard someone in my kitchen. He said I needed to go because it was my house not his.

Thanks a bunch! Bloody coward.

He still tries to make me go first 15 years later but he's getting better.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 07/02/2019 16:33

Could you not have looked out if the window. Or do you not have one of those peep hole things in the door. Or DD could have phoned you and said I am outside. If I knew my DD was on a night out and the doorbell went I would be getting up and checking it was them, but that maybe because mine are forever forgetting/losing their keys.

Wedgiecar58 · 07/02/2019 16:35

If there was any disturbance at my house at that hour there my DH would be up with a baseball bat and would not in a million years let me go downstairs to answer myself.

MeredithGrey1 · 07/02/2019 16:36

Even though its so incredibly unlikely to be anything dangerous, everything seems worse at 3am and if I'm being totally honest, I'd have woken DP up as well.

bluebeck · 07/02/2019 16:37

Why didn't she just call you?

Weetabixandshreddies · 07/02/2019 16:37

Why not just look out of the window to see who was ringing the doorbell?

CigarsofthePharoahs · 07/02/2019 16:41

My DH headed downstairs in the early hours last night as he'd heard some loud bangs and was worried we had an intruder.
Turned out our back gate had come open in the wind and was making the noise.
I didn't even wake up!
A previous occasion we thought someone had broken in, we both headed downstairs together only to find next doors cat had got into a bag of catnip (which our cat hated) and was having a high old time.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 07/02/2019 16:41

Ridiculous. Why couldn't you have just gone to the door and asked who it was without opening it?

Littlechocola · 07/02/2019 16:43

I don’t understand why you woke him?
What would he have done that you couldn’t?

Original poster

DwayneJohnsonsWaxerWannabe · 07/02/2019 16:43

DD never forgets her keys normally. She must have been ringing the doorbell for a while as I heard it for a while in half sleep before I realised what it was. No idea why she didn't call me to let me know she was outside. She's called me in the middle of the night before.

DH is the type of bloke who let me run to Asda at 2.00am to get bottles and formula 4 days post birth as trouble breastfeeding. Just using that as one example.

What does that say about him?

OP posts:

PinkHeart5914 · 07/02/2019 16:44

Why does having a vagina mean you can’t answer the door? You could of just asked who it was before you opened the door?

Yes I think you were unreasonable tbh, you woke him up knowing he had work today to answer the door as for some reason you as adult woman couldn’t manage

Topseyt · 07/02/2019 16:48

Why didn't you just call through from inside to ask who it was? Surely that would have been the logical thing to do!

Eliza9917 · 07/02/2019 16:48

Why not just look out of the window to see who was ringing the doorbell?

I saw an episode of crimewatch once where there was a knock at the door, the bloke stuck his head out of a top window and they shot his face off with a shotgun. I think he might have lived iirc.

That's why you shouldn't stick your head out of a window.

notangelinajolie · 07/02/2019 16:49

Um couldn't you have looked through the window to see who it was?

EmeraldShamrock · 07/02/2019 16:49

Yanbu. I would automatically wake DP if I heard a noise from downstairs or the door. Then at least one can save the DC, while the other fights the burglar or axe murderer.

KrazyKatlady · 07/02/2019 16:50

Our door is positioned that we wouldn't be able to see who was there by looking out of a window. I wouldn't answer the door at 3am without asking first(or possibly not at all!) ...don't know if that makes me weird.

EmeraldShamrock · 07/02/2019 16:50

saw an episode of crimewatch once where there was a knock at the door, the bloke stuck his head out of a top window and they shot his face off with a shotgun. I think he might have lived iirc
That poor guy is still alive but is completely dependant on full time care.

BlingLoving · 07/02/2019 16:51

If someone was ringing our doorbell at 3:30, DH would be horrified if I want to get it without waking him. To be honest, in the unlikely event he woke up and I didn't, I'd be horrified if he answered it without waking me. As a rule, doorbells at 3:30 am aren't really something I'd consider a neutral or good thing, so I'd expect both of us to be awake to deal with it.

As for the making you go out 4 days post birth? my god. I'm sort of amazed you've stayed married the entire time.

Birdsgottafly · 07/02/2019 16:51

"Why does having a vagina mean you can’t answer the door?"

Because having a vagina means you are less strong, smaller etc than a possible attacker.

Someone frantically ringing the doorbell at 3am is either, drunk and has got the wrong house (who could then get aggressive), or someone looking for help, which could mean that they are being chased etc. Or the house/car etc could be on fire.

Or an Adult child, as in this case.

I don't know any Men who'd leave their female Partner to deal with it.

OP it makes him a shit Partner.

Butterymuffin · 07/02/2019 16:51

The Asda example you give says he's a dick. Does he have good points? And is everything that happens outside the hours of 9-5 and/or the workplace your job to deal with, then?

Grace212 · 07/02/2019 16:52

not impressed with the ASDA example, but generally, I'd only say wake him if you are going to approach the door or window together.

if you want him to do it in case it's an axe murderer, that's pretty mean.

theworldistoosmall · 07/02/2019 16:54

Making you go out at 2 am he would have been shitting his teeth for a week and told to fuck off and live somewhere else. I cannot be doing with these selfish arseholes.

3 am door ringing, I ignore unless they shout through the letterbox.

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