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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Doorbell frantically ringing at 3.30am. WIBU to make DH get up to answer it?

107 replies

DwayneJohnsonsWaxerWannabe · 07/02/2019 16:24

He thinks I shouldn't have woken him to answer the door as he works (I'm a SAHM).

I thought he should have as it could have been an axe murderer at that time (actually terrified it was the police saying something had happened DD who was on a night out).

It was actually DD as she'd forgotten her key!

So who was BU (obviously DD was the most)

OP posts:

AirBiscuit · 08/02/2019 01:06

This thread is so British. I live in Texas and it is a legal requirement to fire a shotgun through the door if anyone rings the doorbell after sundown. Certainly makes sure that teens remember their keys

user1473878824 · 08/02/2019 01:48

Discussed this with DP as I feel like I would wake him up because aaaargh but also what’s he going to do that I can’t and also some of the time I don’t want him to get murdered, but also don’t want to get murdered either. He said he would expect to answer the door but would want me up and awake in case something happened so I could phone police etc. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but also do, but mainly don’t. Hope that helps but having read your post about the 2am Asda trip I would have sent him down hoping it was an axe murderer.

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 08/02/2019 02:27

LOL at the suggestion that if a man doesn't offer to go immediately then he's a shit husband/ partner!

All the posters insisting the husband/male partner go incase theirs something awful at the door that may cause physical injury or death are obviously winning spouse of the year awards themselves.

melj1213 · 08/02/2019 02:40

I live alone (when DD10 is at her dads every other week) and tbh I would have no issue answering the door - if I would expect a man to answer it then I should be able to do the same. If I won't answer it, why should he have to?

Especially in this case when you knew your adult DD had gone out why on earth would your mind go straight to "must be an axe murderer or someone nefarious" rather than "This is most likely DD"?

Granted my DD is only 10, so hardly painting the town red on a Friday night, but if I was woken by constant doorbell ringing on a night I knew my DD had been out of the house I would either assume it was her and she had either forgotten/lost her keys or that something had happened to her and the person outside was trying to get hold of me asap. In either instance the best course of action is to get up and answer the door because even if it is bad news then at least you know rather than sitting worrying/wondering.

If someone is constantly ringing the bell at 3am then it is most likely because they need to be, not just because they fancied an early morning neighbourly chat.

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 08/02/2019 03:26

In this house the hounds of Baskerville would have (seen off any intruders) woken both of us as soon as the outside gate opened. I have an intercom fitted by my ot, so I would answer that, but DH would have to go to the door (as I am bedbound anyway). He has always been the one to check out noises, I am an anxious person by nature and he has got up and checked the house multiple times as well as checking our kids (not once complaining either).

My Dad is a coward- (or was he doesn’t get any choice now as he cares for my Mum- I think he looks out the window now or hides behind the dogs) he has sent my poor Mum down to face burglers multiple times on her own. Thankfully when my brother got old enough he kept a golf club/ baseball bat under his bed and he would go down to check.
In fact he was lying in bed in his own flat when he was broken into, the guys made the biggest mistake (my brother is a big scary looking guy- tall very broad shouldered and not afraid of defending himself!) He picked up his baseball bat and they quickly changed their mind about overpowering my brother! In fact he has chased several opportune thieves from my Mums house- I think word has got out that he lives there now as they haven’t had bother since the last time!

I feel very grateful to live in a relatively low crime area (small rural village) now, I never felt safe when I lived with my parents- it’s an awful feeling when your sanctuary is invaded like that!

Evennow · 08/02/2019 03:32

I would have gone to the door, listened from behind it (without opening up) and would have heard that it was DD. I would not either open the door or look out of a window at that time of night unless there were other indications (eg smoke alarm going off, missed calls on phone, texts or someone I knew shouting outside on the step etc). I would not ask anyone else to go to the door. It's my door!

PurpleDaisies · 08/02/2019 03:33

Frantic ringing of doorbell at that hour-is assume something bad had happened (like someone just been mugged) so I’d expect both to get up and deal with it.

I’m amazed anyone thinks doorbell ringing like that is normal.

MrsTerryPratcett · 08/02/2019 03:43

When did it become a Thing that people are terrified of living a normal life in a normal way?

Well it depends where you live. In South London in the 1990s frantic banging at the door was generally drunk wankers who might have had the door opened but BF at the time would have been holding a baseball bat. There's no way I would have answered it. It was smashed in twice.

But if you live somewhere nicer, I suppose you don't get scared. Lucky you.

SD1978 · 08/02/2019 03:45

Your DD is old enough to be out and drinking, forgetting her keys at 3am- I assume by now you've forgiven him for the formula incident?

heeblejeeble · 08/02/2019 04:05

I was woken by the doorbell when I was a teenager and rather than waking my mum I went to answer it, was a fireman getting us out as the house next door was on fire. We had both slept through the firemen's arrival and the smoke alarms going off next door, luckily everyone got out in time and there was no damage to our house but The next day my mum actually told me off for answering the door on my own!

RitaFairclough · 08/02/2019 05:25

I can’t actually hear our doorbell from our bedroom, but I am a much lighter sleeper than my husband and would probably just go and see what was going on myself. Like others, my kids are younger but if one was out and the doorbell was ringing frantically late at night I would assume it was them. We do have a peephole though I have never uSed it but I suppose I might at night.

BitchQueen90 · 08/02/2019 05:35

Well I'm a single parent so I don't have a husband to answer the door.

I can see the front door out my window so I can check who it is. Wouldn't answer to anyone I don't know.

Mayrhofen · 08/02/2019 05:39

Birdsgottafly is spot on.

Bluelonerose · 08/02/2019 05:45

Dh wouldn't let me go downstairs and tbf ide probably sleep through it

Although the one time a loud bang woke us both up the cat shot upstairs she dh went down to find the other cat on top of the bookcase and had knocked a picture frame off. I had 999 ready on my phone to hit call

TORDEVAN · 08/02/2019 07:29

My DH would never want me to answer the door in that situation (and I'd be a bit scared to so would definitely wake him to do so).

(He also never pushed me to do more than sit on the sofa cuddling the baby for the 5 weeks he was home after baby was born, and even after being back at work would still have done the 4am Asda trip instead of me)

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 08/02/2019 08:25

When my dad was away once (about 30 years ago!!) my mum armed with a baseball bat and my 14 year old brother came into my bedroom

My mum said that she thought there was someone downstairs

Apparently i said 'OK' and went back to sleep

I haven't changed much

Dh Would be very annoyed if i didnt wake him and dealt with it by myself, and on the very odd occasion when its happened ive just gone back to sleep....i have offered to help!!

Last time someone stole our doorbell...at 3am and the fuckers made sure they rang it first!!

teaandgingercake · 08/02/2019 08:48

Another one here who would shout down from window. If dh was asleep i wouldn’t bother waking him because i’d be too worried to wait. I’d want quick reassurance that nothing bad had happened.

Original poster

DwayneJohnsonsWaxerWannabe · 08/02/2019 13:58

Just to clarify DD did have a phone but thought I might not hear if she rang, thinking there was a better chance I'd hear the doorbell downstairs than the phone on the bedside table . She never forgets her keys (she'd actually left them at her friend's) and I half expected her to stay with her mate as she often wakes me with a text at 4am saying 'don't worry that I'm still not home, I'm staying at mates'!

DH has always 'let' me do the midnight dashes to the 24 hour supermarket for Calpol or bread, the 2am airport pick ups, or the emergency pick ups if DD or DS can't get home after a night out. I often say jokingly 'how can you be happy for me to go out at night, a defenceless woman'! Not that I am defenceless as such but women are more at risk on their own at night yes?

The Asda example was for our youngest DC not DD. I asked him to go (bleeding nipples) but he blathered about not knowing which stuff to get (that was our 4th baby).

I don't think he really cares about my safety I suppose.

OP posts:

Fantababy · 08/02/2019 14:01

My DH would probably have gone in that situation. I'm not sure if it's anything do do with my vagina, but if it is, more power to it!

Danners84 · 08/02/2019 14:04

I did a clear blue test yesterday evening and this morning. They both looked like faint positives to me. I’m 2 days overdue. Went to nurse this morning after my test and she did a pink dye one that said negative 😔. What do you ladies think?

Not sure how to upload a photo but I have the clear blue ones

DawgLover · 08/02/2019 14:52

Danners84

You'll need to start your own thread for that one. Hope you get the outcome you're looking for x

stevie69 · 08/02/2019 15:00

Because having a vagina means you are less strong, smaller etc than a possible attacker.

Well yeah, but .... if the attacker is in indeed armed with an axe, I doubt your DH would be much use. And, as PPs have stated, it'd be a really polite axe murderer who'd have rung the bell.

stevie69 · 08/02/2019 15:01

If it was an axe murderer then the person with the best death-in-service of life policy answers the door

Best answer I've seen in ages

Justaboy · 09/02/2019 13:12

as she often wakes me with a text at 4am saying 'don't worry that I'm still not home, I'm staying at mates'!

Infinitly preferable to not knowing what shes up to I reckon.

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 09/02/2019 13:25

I'd nervous if some one was banging on the door at that time and would want my partner awake so he could at least come and look for me if I never came back (highly unlikely though that is). DH should be annoyed at DD for waking you both.

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