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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Doorbell frantically ringing at 3.30am. WIBU to make DH get up to answer it?

107 replies

DwayneJohnsonsWaxerWannabe · 07/02/2019 16:24

He thinks I shouldn't have woken him to answer the door as he works (I'm a SAHM).

I thought he should have as it could have been an axe murderer at that time (actually terrified it was the police saying something had happened DD who was on a night out).

It was actually DD as she'd forgotten her key!

So who was BU (obviously DD was the most)

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 07/02/2019 16:56

I'm torn here. I would have done the same thing, but thinking about it, that's not really fair is it? If you genuinely thought it was an axe murderer, and it was, neither of you would have any chance against him.

1ndig0 · 07/02/2019 17:02

Of course he should be the one to get up if there’s weirdness in the night. Why is he moaning?

That said, an axe murderer probably wouldn’t ring the doorbell.

Most people would send their DH down if they were unsure, of course. But did you not suspect it was DD, given you must have known she was out?

Halfahunnerstillastunner · 07/02/2019 17:03

Axe murderers don't ring the doorbell.....

They hide under the bed watching you get ready and go to sleep then crawl out and stand over you until you wake up. Thanks Luther for that gem.

Ywnbu. It's hard to think of the sensible logical thing at 3 am when you are startled awake. Husband sounds like a misogynist arse.

1ndig0 · 07/02/2019 17:05

Sorry just seen your update. No most husbands would not expect you to go to the shops at 2am fgs, or even 11pm. Who actually does that? I don’t know how you cope.

Tink2007 · 07/02/2019 17:05

You were happy to send your DH down in case it was an axe murderer? Nice.

Pigflewpast · 07/02/2019 17:09

If dd hadnt been out I would agree with you, but it was pretty likely to be dd so yabu.

spanishwife · 07/02/2019 17:10

Of course you should wake him up, just in case something terrible had happened (which at that time you worry is true). I would have maybe gone down together but really depends on your relationship dynamic!

Burglars often knock on the doors or ring the bell before breaking in so you should always go, put the lights on and call out asking who it is.

Hazlenutpie · 07/02/2019 17:11

My DH would definitely have gone down, he would have insisted. Surely no man would send his DW down to answer the door in the middle of the night.

Haffiana · 07/02/2019 17:16

When did it become a Thing that people are terrified of living a normal life in a normal way?

Why O why, OP, is it OK to let your DD outside into that street full of the very same axe-murderers that you cannot answer the door to?

Gatehouse77 · 07/02/2019 17:18

I guess it depends why you think he should have gone...?

Because he's a man? Smacks of feminism's sometimes one-way street.
Because...oh, I'm stuck to think of another reason why...

Biancadelrioisback · 07/02/2019 17:19

Do axe murderers generally ring the doorbell these days?

One did on an episode of Luther. Although he wasn't an axe murdered but a knife murderer...

Leedsgirlfriend · 07/02/2019 17:21

Doesn't sound like a serious disagreement except I think there is a back story here. The Asda story is disgusting. If he behaves like that in general then he is an asshole. However, nobody is perfect and everyone is an asshole sometimes.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 07/02/2019 17:22

One did on an episode of Luther. Although he wasn't an axe murdered but a knife murderer.

I will forever have the willies about that last series, and I will never travel by bus again.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 07/02/2019 17:23

If it was an axe murderer then the person with the best death-in-service of life policy answers the door.

TwittleBee · 07/02/2019 17:25

When I was at uni, my house mate answered a door in the evening and was pushed past by 2 guys with knives. One guy held him and our other house mate up in one room whilst the other quickly stole what he could (don't think they fully thought it through as thankfully most of our rooms were locked...)

Obviously police were called once they left, with very little, and the officers informed us that this was a really common tactic they were now seeing.

Those guys weren't caught either. Well not by the time we all went our own ways.

So imo YANBU waking up DH. I would wake mine up and probably would have gone down together to check who it was with 999 ready to call.

Lindy2 · 07/02/2019 17:30

I don't think you were unreasonable at all. Frantic doorbell ringing at 3am isn't usually good so yes, he needed to wake up to help deal with whatever the potential situation was.

samG76 · 07/02/2019 17:34

DH once lost a girlfriend because he was let into GF's block by a neighbour who was leaving. He then knocked on the door of the flat, at around 3pm, which caused GF's nervous housemate to have a panic attack, because of course only an axe murderer would knock on the door without having buzzed first. DH was rather unsympathetic to housemate's plight, and GF decided that he was more dispensible than housemate was...

Missingstreetlife · 07/02/2019 17:36

Twittle, that happened to my neighbour in daylight, they started by saying they were from water board.,scary.
I always shout from top window.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/02/2019 17:41

When did it become a Thing that people are terrified of living a normal life in a normal way?

Since when did frantic doorbell ringing at 3am become "normal"? It's not here! And I would be very discombobulated if it happened here. I very confidently lead a very normal life thanks, with no terror of normal things Haffiana?

Since when did it beome a Thing to be so haughty and patronisingly dismissive of other people eh Haffiana?

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 07/02/2019 17:42

I'm not sure it's a man/woman thing. I think it's more who's selfish and who isn't. If it was a same sex couple the one who refused to go because the other was a SAHM would be equally shit really. I think it comes down to whether your partner would deal with a potentially difficult situation rather than make you. My fear would it would be the police come to tell me something horrible.
I know my DH wouldn't. He refused to go downstairs when I woke him up in the middle of the night after noises. It was me that discovered the burglar and scared him off. Which freaked me out for weeks.

CallipygianFancier · 07/02/2019 17:45

While I wouldn't exactly be ecstatic about being woken up, in his place, I'd rather you did than find out the hard way it wasn't your daughter after all.

Jux · 07/02/2019 17:56

I do think that someone with malign intent towards you wouldn't bother ringing the bell, so bell-ringing is far more likely to be someone you know, the police or someone needing help.

An axe murderer would break a window and climb in.....

bilbodog · 07/02/2019 18:01

Its clear you should LTB - HTH

TokenGinger · 07/02/2019 18:02

At that time of night, I wouldn't blindly open the door, nor would my DP.

We have the "luxury" of cctv since we had a break in, so after dark, we check who's at the door on cctv before we answer, but if we didn't recognise them, we'd shout out of the window. Definitely wouldn't be opening the door at that time.

In answer to your question, DP wouldn't let me do it but I wouldn't let him either, although if we hear noises in the house, he's the one who insists on checking it out (that could be more to do with me being pregnant though).

BitOutOfPractice · 07/02/2019 18:02

An axe murderer would break a window and climb in.....

That so reminds me of this ad

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