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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Doorbell frantically ringing at 3.30am. WIBU to make DH get up to answer it?

107 replies

DwayneJohnsonsWaxerWannabe · 07/02/2019 16:24

He thinks I shouldn't have woken him to answer the door as he works (I'm a SAHM).

I thought he should have as it could have been an axe murderer at that time (actually terrified it was the police saying something had happened DD who was on a night out).

It was actually DD as she'd forgotten her key!

So who was BU (obviously DD was the most)

OP posts:

outpinked · 07/02/2019 18:06

Surely your DD could have called you to warn you she’d lost the key? If I was expecting a teenage daughter to be arriving home I wouldn’t be so worried tbh. Also I don’t think many murderers are polite enough to ring the bell first .

YourFly · 07/02/2019 18:06

YA Both BU

DD might have needed to get in urgently.

Weetabixandshreddies · 07/02/2019 18:09

That's why you shouldn't stick your head out of a window.

I said look out of the window, not stick your head out of the window.

You can see through the glass without opening them can't you?

WhoKnewBeefStew · 07/02/2019 18:13

At that time in the morning my dh wouldn’t let me go down and answer it. Yanbu to ask him to answer it.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/02/2019 18:14

I can't see who's ringing my doorbell out of any window, even if I stick my head out

Peppainblanket · 07/02/2019 22:02

I wouldn't bother trying to wake my (6'4")DH. When I was heavily pregnant, there was smashing glass and banging in our kitchen in the early hours. I woke him and he wouldn't get out of bed. I figured I'd rather not be murdered in my bed, so went waddling downstairs brandishing a lamp. It was a rogue cat that got spooked and smashed my mug tree off the counter.

I do remember a lost key night when I was young and drunk though, when my DM did not answer the door and I had to try and find somewhere to sleep, so if I knew I had a rogue DC out at that time I would definitely go answer.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 07/02/2019 22:11

It's not always axe murderers, sometimes it's scammers. When I lived in London a woman used to hammer on doors at night with a sob story asking for cab money or something. We told the police and she was well known for it and used the money for drugs.

givemesteel · 07/02/2019 22:23

Wow there are a lot of shit husbands on this site.

Mine has his faults but he knows it's his role to man up in a potential intruder / 3am doorbell situation, and has gone down to check on noises when necessary.

tor8181 · 07/02/2019 22:27

My DH would definitely have gone down, he would have insisted. Surely no man would send his DW down to answer the door in the middle of the night

tbh its attitudes like this that woman are still thought of as the inferior species

not all men are stronger or bigger than the woman

im 3 inches taller,weigh 5 and half stone more than my partner and always been physically stronger

but i do say it myself im also a bit (batshit)crazy and the you dont mess with me type and i would be the first there shouting and balling if it was someone pissing about

KrazyKatlady · 07/02/2019 22:34

Since when did frantic doorbell ringing at 3am become "normal"? It's not here! And I would be very discombobulated if it happened here. I very confidently lead a very normal life thanks, with no terror of normal things

Thats what I was thinking! Any sort of doorbell ringing, frantic or otherwise, I would not consider normal between around 9.30pm and 9am....And I would only answer any sort of frantic doorbell ringing, at any time of day, if I definitely could see who the person was, and recognised them!
For people who say axe murderers don't normally ring the door bell...but you hear all sorts of diversion scams where one person has rung the door bell to distract the person while an accomplice gets in somewhere else.

Springwalk · 07/02/2019 22:36

There is no way my dh would ever let me answer the door under those circumstances. Your dh to my mind really does not value or care for you very much.
IF it had have been a drunk or someone dangerous you would have been left to deal with him by yourself.

Your dh does not have your back. At all. Not during the Asda episode and not now. He is too selfish and self centred.
It would be the beginning of the end for me.

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/02/2019 22:39

I think YWBU to wake him just to answer the door. Your reason for not (axe murderer!? ) is pretty specious. However, YANBU to think he should have gone out to Asda 4 days post birth. He sounds a bit lazy and you sound a bit cowardly. So long as you normally muddle along OK that's not too bad on occasion.

OvO · 07/02/2019 22:41

I’d make my DH answer! I’m 4' 11”! And disabled. Like fuck am I fighting off bampots at 3am. My DH would grumble but would go save me from Axe Murderers anyway.

I’ve had to stop waking my DH at night when I hear massive noises at it turns out I have auditory hallucinations!

StoppinBy · 07/02/2019 22:42

My DH would have gone to the door no problem, he is used to my chickeny ways though haha.

I am scared of the dark and scared of people who would knock on our door at that time, also as Emerald above says, I would have gone in to the bedroom with the kids and he would have seen who was at the door if we were worried about an unwelcome night visitor, once when someone knocked at our door at 11pm and wouldn't say who it was that is exactly what we did, I rang the police and stayed with our DD and my husband stood at the door telling them we had called the police and that they needed to go.

The fact it was your DD wasn't something you knew until afterwards so I don't know why he wouldn't want to investigate himself anyway, was he just going to lay in bed while someone tried to force their way in to your house lol.

U2HasTheEdge · 07/02/2019 22:43

I would have woken my husband up too.

He is a hell of a lot bigger and stronger than me, so if it was some bizarre axe murderer ringing our bell he would have a better chance than me.

Actually, my first thought would have been that it was the police coming to give me awful news, so I would wake him up to be there for that too.

U2HasTheEdge · 07/02/2019 22:46

I also can't see who is at my door from any window.

I could go down and look through the spy hole I guess, but that would be too close for my liking incase the potential intruder breaks my door down or something. I would hide in the bedroom.

Stardustinmyeyes · 07/02/2019 22:57

Given your update about the formula, you obviously think he's a shit husband and you want to be backed up.
The formula incident must have happened years ago. You're just dragging it up to reinforce your point that he's a crap husband

Justaboy · 07/02/2019 22:59

How is it that a girl like her didnt have a MOBILE phone to call you with?

Ollivander84 · 07/02/2019 23:03

I live alone so I'm screwed 🤣🤣🤣
I did disturb my neighbours early evening when someone put s firework in my window that then exploded. I got me and the cat out and was too scared to go back in (I thought the place was going up in flames), but he managed to make sense of my sobbing, rang the police, brought an air purifier, checked the place wasn't on fire and made me a brew. V thankful for my neighbours!

Saracen · 07/02/2019 23:41

I think you are just as capable as he is of calling through the closed door to find out who it is. THEN if it is something urgent and you think he is tougher than you, you can wake him up.

No point both of you being woken up in the middle of the night.

The ASDA story does suggest that your dp is a selfish idiot. But this is different. This time he is right.

EugenesAxe · 07/02/2019 23:49

To be honest, I’m surprised you didn’t check your DD’s room and then calm yourself by putting two and two together.

If this had been me and my DH, we’d both have gone but tried to see who it was without opening the door.

Ifangyow · 07/02/2019 23:52

Well of course I would have sent my husband down to answer the door. He's got life insurance! 😂

Lovingbenidorm · 07/02/2019 23:56

Why didn’t dd ring you?
I wouldn’t answer the door at 3.30am and I certainly wouldn’t expect DH to either!

anxiousbundle · 08/02/2019 00:02

Deffo NBU! I wouldn't answer even if I was home alone. If it was urgent someone would say 'Police' or they'd call you.

I think my boyfriend and I would cower together in the bedroom with the dog if someone was pounding on the door at 3am!

Was your daughter drunk?

Itsyersel · 08/02/2019 00:04

@DwayneJohnsonsWaxerWannabe

Where are all the feminists wanting equality now!? Hmm.....get the door yourself!

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