Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset at my DF over my gender reveal

282 replies

Denise3011 · 06/02/2019 16:37

I have a child and when my husband & I Were expecting we found out the sex.
However at the time my DF was very opinionated & instead of saying “I’d rather you didn’t find out, but it’s your choice”
He called us silly etc for being unable to wait for a surprise and said there was no reason to know and it was wrong etc. He went on to say he categorically did not want to know before the birth and we were not to tell him.
We live very close and this led us to having a very stressful few months as we did find out (as we wanted to) and then had to try and hide it from him, lie to other family that we didn’t know and ask the few people we did tell (my mum, best friend etc) to keep the secret.
But we did it and he got his way and he knew the day our DC was born.
Fast forward a few years & I’m expecting again.
I said from the start that we were finding out this time and that I wanted a little dinner to celebrate the news with family.
second baby has been a long time coming!
Again DF said he didn’t want to know but I was firmer this time & said we were finding out & making it public.
I thought he would just accept that we respected his decision the first time, but this time we were doing what suited us.
Instead he refused to come to the ‘reveal party’ which led to me having to ask all family not to tell him & apologise for putting them all in that position.
I’ve since had to block him on social media because I’ve friends abroad who posted congrats etc.
AIBU to be really mad that once again he’s put his personal preference as priority regardless of our choice or how difficult it would make it for everyone else?

I should add he found out only a week later because a friend slipped up.
Now she feels awful, he’s not happy he knows and I’m left feeling angry that he made such a fuss over a decision that was not his to make.

OP posts:
gallicgirl · 06/02/2019 16:40

Whilst I think gender reveal parties are utterly pointless, your DF is being an ass.

It's your baby and your choices to make. If he doesn't want to know then it's not up to you or anyone else to manage that. Personally I'd stop making allowances for him.

Mossyhill · 06/02/2019 16:41

Yanbu he should just accept that it’s your choice and quite honestly I would have said we’ve found out we’re having girl/boy and been open about it.
Yabu for having a gender reveal.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/02/2019 16:41

Gender reveal parties are naff so I’m not surprised he’s not going.

Twiztid · 06/02/2019 16:42

I would just text him the sex and say well now you know. End of drama.

Sirzy · 06/02/2019 16:43

I wouldn’t go to a gender reveal party either.

I think your both being a bit daft really! Although I don’t see why keeping it quiet from him is so hard

Mmmhmmm · 06/02/2019 16:44

Your father is being a diva.

It's always a surprise when you find out your baby's sex whether it is at 12 weeks or when they're born. 🤷🏻‍♀️

MoaningSickness · 06/02/2019 16:44

YANBU. If your DF doesn't want to know he should be responsible for telling everyone and frankly locking himself in a box for the rest of your pregnancy, because it's completely unreasonable of him to expect anyone who knows to keep it secret.

You've gone above and beyond in trying to pander to his ridiculous beliefs, and all its done is make him more entitled.

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 06/02/2019 16:44

He IBU to continue to be so wound up about it.

“Gender reveal” parties really are the height of daftness though.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 06/02/2019 16:44

Is he superstitious?

lmusic87 · 06/02/2019 16:45

He needs to just get over it. He's ruining a special time.

Chingling · 06/02/2019 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EyeOfTheTigger · 06/02/2019 16:48

Yeah, he was being unreasonable for making it all so much more difficult for you, but I'm with the "gender reveal parties are naff" brigade. I don't really get baby showers either, but that's another matter.

AryaStarkWolf · 06/02/2019 16:49

“Gender reveal” parties really are the height of daftness though.

Agree, like no one actually cares bar the parents and maybe GPs whether you're having a boy or girl Grin

But yeah your DF is being an idiot

GinZing · 06/02/2019 16:51

Gender reveal party. Is this actually a thing?

FiveRedBricks · 06/02/2019 16:53

Gender reveal parties are bloody naff. No one cares apart from you if it's a boy or girl Confused not like it's going to be a dinosaur is it.

Your Dad was however being unreasonable as it's not his baby and not his news.

Oysterbabe · 06/02/2019 16:53

I'd have just told him. Don't entertain this nonsense.

WetWipesGoInTheBin · 06/02/2019 16:54

@GinZing unfortunately so.

I agree they are naff. Just tell people it's a boy or girl and be done with it.

OhDearHowSadNeverMind · 06/02/2019 16:55

Gender reveal parties are bloody naff. No one cares apart from you if it's a boy or girl confused not like it's going to be a dinosaur is it

Grin

Perfectly put!

pallisers · 06/02/2019 16:56

he is an idiot (and making it all about him - does he do that a lot?)

Next time you meet him say "oh we're having a boy - did we mention that to you?" Job done and all the drama over. Can't understand why you bothered telling people not to tell him etc. unnecessary palaver over something silly.

I can't understand the gender reveal stuff. Its not like it is one of 99 possibilities. It is a boy or a girl - not exactly nail-biting stuff really.

My own sister had a huge argument with me because I found out the sex for my third child and told people if they asked. For some reason that was horrific. people are weird.

MakeMineALarge1 · 06/02/2019 16:56

IF you want to find out, find out, if you don't, don't, but a gender reveal party, come on, height of tackiness and attention seeking!

Topofthehills · 06/02/2019 16:56

He is being ridiculous. Not his decision in any way. If anything, you've been extraordinarily accomodating. Don't accommodate him any more on this.

It's always a surprise, and fun news to share, whenever you find out.

As for everyone saying gender reveal parties are stupid - all OP said she wanted was a little dinner with family to celebrate. I can't see anything wrong with that!

Ellisandra · 06/02/2019 16:57

A gender reveal party?
Really?

I don’t get how in your first pregnancy it was stressful.
Sounds like you caught a bit of his drama-itis with that and the gender reveal party.
Just say lightly “cool, we’ll try not to tell you but loads of people know, so good luck!”
It’s like Whamaggedon Grin

53rdWay · 06/02/2019 16:58

He is being ridiculous. If he doesn’t want to know it is up to him to make sure he doesn’t find out, it is not your job to stop word getting to him at all and then deal with him being angry at you.

Purpleartichoke · 06/02/2019 17:00

He is within his rights to skip the party, but no one has any obligation to try to keep a secret from him.

JustanAunt · 06/02/2019 17:00

Ignore all the posts about gender reveal parties. It was your decision and if it's an excuse to get family and friends together then what's the harm?

Your father is being incredibly unreasonable, I have never really understood the desire for the sex to be a surprise, but when it's not even your own child it is madness.

I wouldn't pander to it, now he knows the stress should be alleviated at least, no more hiding and if he wants to sulk then leave him to it.