DB wanting to give up work, is he BU?

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My DB is 50. He is married with adult DC who have now left home and has had a successful career in finance whilst SIL has worked part time to fit around the DC. She has continued to work part time even when they left home but to be fair she does all the housework/cooking as well. Anyway, he hasn't been enjoying his job for a while, he gets no satisfaction from it and finds it frustrating, although he is paid well and has good benefits so he's stuck at it rather than look for a job elsewhere. Recently an aunt of ours died and left us a chunk of money between us, and DB has worked out that if they are careful, he will have enough to be able to give up his job and live off this money until he gets his pension. His DW however is very unhappy about this and has kicked up a bit of a stink. She says that they had all these plans for the future which now won't happen because they'll be on a tight budget, I've suggested that she works full time but she isn't really qualified to do anything that will make up the shortfall financially (they have no mortgage so just bills to cover). I've known her since before she was married to my brother and we get on really well, so I'm trying to sit on the fence as I can see why he wants to make this decision, but I can also see her point of view!

She can work full time and he can take care of domestic chores at home- seems fine

Hmm, tough one.

Could he use the money for a more enjoyable but lower paid job? That would be my plan I think. It would take some of the pressure from him whilst having to be less careful with money than otherwise.

Could your brother go part time rather than give up completely? I don’t think it’s fair to expect him to work full time in a job he’s not happy in if he doesn’t have to.

Living on a tight budget is no fun. Lots of people don't like their jobs but they like the financial security the money brings. Your brother needs a reality check. If I was your SIL I'd be kicking up a stink too.

araiwa, yep it's that easy for a woman in her 50s who has worked part time on and off since her 30s to find a full time job ... he needs to find a different job. Going from a good salary to no salary is unfair if it will leave them struggling.

Well, clearly she is qualified/experienced to do something as she is working part-time. She has plans for the future so she can contribute more. He's not happy in his work and this could impact his MH.
They could swap, although two people living in a house doesn't require a lot of cleaning and cooking.

There's probably a middle ground between giving up work entirely and continuing where he is. Retirement at 50 is only good if you've the money to enjoy it.

Sounds also like he's harbouring some resentment towards his part time working wife - and that she sees him as a meal ticket.

Could your DB go part-time, if not in his own job, in something lower-paid/lower-stress? If he does, he should take on his share of the house work.

That's very nice for him but he seems to have forgotten that his wife had a full time job bringing up their kids and now has a part time job to help make their lives more comfortable. Where is she in his new life plan?

Instead of telling her to get a full time job why not have a chat with your DB and suggest that they both have a proper chat about finances and child free years. That they can both work part time and do the things they had planned together - that he has now seemingly reneged / forgotten!

Hopefully he is just thinking out loud and common sense will kick in!

Why are you even sticking your beak in? It's up to them what they do.

She seems more arsed about losing her lifestyle than her husband's mental health.

If I was him I would look at working part time. Slow down rather than stop.

She can bloody work full time if she wants more money. Her house must be bloody spotless with all that time for housework.

He’ll be bored quite quickly I’d think.

Rather than not work at all, why not use the money as a cushion to be brave enough to change jobs.

Won’t giving up work ten years early seriously impact his pension?

I can understand her concerns to be fair.

The problem is here I suspect he wants to not do anything - not working means taking on a lot of the housework etc rather than just live off the money

Because that is a waste - he needs to find a job that suits him

So, effectively, your DB sees the inheritance as his own, to use as he pleases which, in his case, means giving up work? Meanwhile, your SIL sees a drop in living standards and her dreams or plans for the future disappear.

Yes, I think your DB is being unreasonable. He and his wife should be deciding together what they should do with the inheritance, otherwise it's not really much of a marriage, is It?

I hate it when people say a pt or sahw sees her husband as a meal ticket. Remember that he's been able to build his high earning career without having to take time off for school holidays and when kids are sick. That gave him a big advantage in the workplace.
I don't think either partner should give up work without the full agreement of the other if it is going to negatively impact on them both as a unit. It's fair for her to object. He needs to find a middle ground - the money gives him space to go pt himself or get a less stressful job.

**CuriousaboutSamphire

That's very nice for him but he seems to have forgotten that his wife had a full time job bringing up their kids**

^Bringing up kids is a full time job? How on earth do working parents cope then???

Aa she gave up her work etc to care for their family and in the expectation he would be working for their joint future it is unfair of him to decide he is now opting out of the joint plan. As suggested is there scope for him to go parttime where he is as sometimes this can revitalise you/make you enjoy your job more.

If the inheritance was such that life carried on the same then that would be fair enough but to have to stick to a tight budget when she has been through years of childcare, part time etc and now the children are older the expectation of having a bit more time and cash to do things it would be a crashing blow to think it is all for you to now have to live frugally and not experience the life you had been planning.

He's too young. And he won't get another job if he changes his mind.

So she gave up her career to have and raise their kids and he pursued his own career. As a result of this he now has a very good well paid job and she doesn't and he thinks it is ok to just walk away and she should just accept it.

Unless he has been left millions and has a guaranteed income (equivalent to what he is on) for the rest of his life then he is being a complete knob.

Your DB is being massively unreasonable. And I think so are you a little bit by talking to the DW about working full time. Maybe she doesn’t want to?

It sounds like she’s worked part time around the kids as they were growing up, sacrificing her own career progression to support the family and run the house, with the view that they could enjoy retirement in the future together.

But now, he’s got some cash and thinks he can change the goal posts this late in the game? It’s really really unfair.

It’s not really being part of a team is it?

tensixtysix I'm not really sticking my beak in without being asked, I'm close to both of them and they've both been sounding off to me about it (both expecting me to agree with them!)
To answer the other points, she works part time, is also a volunteer and she literally does everything at home, my DB is useless domestically. He has actually said he will do all the housework etc if she works full time, but I just can't see that happening and neither can she. He's not going to go from doing nothing to being a domestic god. She thinks he will spend all his time on his hobbies (she may well be right).
She's already started looking for jobs and would be willing to retrain but it's really not that easy to walk into a decent job. He can't really do his job part time, it just wouldn't work. I don't know the answer to this which is why I'm asking on MN, there doesn't seem to be a simple solution and I can see the resentment building between them.

It's a difficult one. I lean more towards the work less end of the spectrum myself, but not everyone does.

What I would be doing is looking for a compromise option here. SIL ought to maximise her income and work FT if this is possible: if it's important to her to have money then she too should be facilitating this, not putting all the onus on her husband. Obviously this will mean DB taking an increasing share of the housework too. However, this is still going to mean a drop in lifestyle for them because of her earning potential, and I don't think it's fair for that to be a unilateral DB decision when his wife limited her own career and promotion prospects by working part time around childrearing and housework.

So I think part time work for DB or possibly an agreement that he will continue to work for a certain period until they have a particular amount of income needed to do some of the things SIL wants to do might be the way forward.

Although this might be impacted by exactly how tight the budget will be and what the future plans are. If what she means by tight budget is Aldi instead of Tesco and two holidays a year instead of four, she would BU to expect DB to keep working so she doesn't have to drop to that level. If it means enforced economic vegetarianism, no heating and inability to celebrate Christmas, not so much.

Would he be happy if a relative of hers died and left her a large amount of money which she decided to use solely on herself AND which left him and the plans they had as a family together more crap?!

I think maybe they both need to consider what changes they could make. He could use this money as a comfort blanket to a) go part time or find another job in finance or in something completely different, even if it means a financial hit. If something unexpected happened (what if your SIL became ill and couldn’t work) and he needed to start working again it’ll be a lot more difficult to find a job after a break.

Maybe your SIL also needs to offer to step up a bit (even if it is a token gesture towards the finances) and work full time so that they both know they’re working towards retiring early. And then get a cleaner so that household chores are lessened.

I can see both points of view here. It's not fair for your SIL to expect her DH to carry on working full-time in a job he dislikes while she has the luxury of working part time.

But I can see she feels that they both had defined their roles in the marriage and your brother has suddenly moved the goal posts.

At the very least, your brother should agree to take on all the housework and cooking under this new arrangement. Do you think he'd still be so keen?!

They need to keep talking and find a compromise. Maybe your brother could work part time? Or he could carry on working for a couple more years but agree on a defined end point for him?

There has to be a compromise somwhere. If he is that unhappy then something does have to change. Perhaps he should ask work for a sabbatical, this will give him time to think this through properly and a trial run of what this life will be like. He might be surprised to learn he doesn't enjoy early retirement. Some people are very bad at using free time.
If I were you I would step back. Easy to fall out!!