DB wanting to give up work, is he BU?

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My DB is 50. He is married with adult DC who have now left home and has had a successful career in finance whilst SIL has worked part time to fit around the DC. She has continued to work part time even when they left home but to be fair she does all the housework/cooking as well. Anyway, he hasn't been enjoying his job for a while, he gets no satisfaction from it and finds it frustrating, although he is paid well and has good benefits so he's stuck at it rather than look for a job elsewhere. Recently an aunt of ours died and left us a chunk of money between us, and DB has worked out that if they are careful, he will have enough to be able to give up his job and live off this money until he gets his pension. His DW however is very unhappy about this and has kicked up a bit of a stink. She says that they had all these plans for the future which now won't happen because they'll be on a tight budget, I've suggested that she works full time but she isn't really qualified to do anything that will make up the shortfall financially (they have no mortgage so just bills to cover). I've known her since before she was married to my brother and we get on really well, so I'm trying to sit on the fence as I can see why he wants to make this decision, but I can also see her point of view!

*greendale17

^Bringing up kids is a full time job? How on earth do working parents cope then???*

By paying someone else to do it.

If he can't do his job part time, what about an agreement that he will stay FT for maybe another couple of years, while they save as much as possible for the future, and then quit? While she also goes full time. Maybe think about the amount they would need to do some of the things SIL wants to do.

I do see her point about the housework too. While I do think she should work full time, I think I'd need more from him to show that he's actually going to do anything before putting myself in a position where I might end up having to either tolerate living in a pigsty or doing everything myself as well as FT work.

Working parents use childcare, doh.

So THEY have inherited a large sum of money ( married so belongs to both of them) and your brother is going to use it to make HIS life easier and his wife’s harder
I’m on Team SIL here

It was likely a mutual decision for the wife to not work and raise the children. Yes, some families decide to go the other route and must work full time. It's a decision for the family.

When the wife gave up work to raise the children this would have effected her employability and income earning potential. She also went back to working part time.

So the husband has to take this is in to account when he considers his future and earning potential. It should also be a mutual decision now. He could go part time but he would also have to pick up his fairer share at home.

Drastically reducing your earnings without considering the other partner is going to lead to resentment.

I think he needs to compromise. Either by working part time or working for another couple years and saving up.
I know someone who was in a similar situation - the money ran out quicker than expected and they ended up back at work anyway.

Agree with PPs.
Sounds like DB has on rose-tinted glasses. He is saying goodbye to a career built over decades - this may be a one way ticket; he may not be able to re-enter the job market at the same pay/ seniority. Has he thought about his pension pot? Does he have a plan - what does he intend to do with all his time?
His wife has every reason to be unhappy. Presumably all their decisions have been joint thus far, including her staying part-time and doing lion's share of housework/ childcare. Why should this be DBs sole decision - it impacts them both.
He isn't happy in his job, that should mean change of job/ reduced hours. Completely giving up work is quite drastic, inheritance or no inheritance.

Inheritance not family money, but obvs should help each other.
Art of compromise?

Marchcrocus you make a very good point, I think she has visions of his swanning about enjoying his hobbies while she works full time, then her coming home to find nothing done in the house.
I think I'll suggest to her that she tries to increase her hours at work and he take on some of the chores/cooking for a while and see how that pans out.

Bringing up kids is a full time job? How on earth do working parents cope then? There are lots of jobs I could say that about but they made the decision that she would be a SAHM, so that was her job! It enabled him to do a job he now hates, so they have to make another decison They have to...

I am always surprised when someone posts something like that! It isn't as though everyone has the same choices, same attitudes as everyone else. Everyone makes their own decisions based on their own experiences.

I just saw the update that the husband is useless on the domestic front.

Well I can see why the wife doesn't want a full time in a job that can't make the same money as her husband once brought in, still shoulder most of the domestic duties, while her husband does less. As a couple they will be much poorer off.

Yeah that seems like a plan. They can save the extra she'll earn towards retirement plans, and he can get a turn at doing things in the house and actually becoming competent.

Sorry but your SIL is wrong here in my opinion. The ONLY reason he would keep slogging away in a job he hates is to keep her in the money and lifestyle she wants. That’s wrong. She’s an adult and it’s her responsibility to make that money if she wants it. If they had kids and responsibilities look after dependents there that would be different but she wants to use him to make money for her.

She may have a tiny case for him delivering a bit more than living frugally due to her having given up earning potential to raise kids but again for me, she choose to make herself dependent on another adults money and this is something women need to realise they are doing when they give up work.

Bringing up kids is a full time job? How on earth do working parents cope then???
Huh ? They pay others to take care of the kids while the parent is working is how.
And guess what ? for those others, it's their full time job.

So essentially he wants to take early retirement? I think he probably needs to opt for a lesser paid job that hopefully brings less stress with it. They (I’m assuming) mutually agreed she would stay at home which has effected her career. It’s about being a team. I’m a sahm because two of our children have disabilities which has meant they cannot access childcare as it’s tops stressful. If my husband inherited money and decided to jack in his life and we had to live on a seriously tight budget and plans changed I’m not sure I’d be happy. Yes to him finding an easier job but he’s being selfish.

Also, would DBs plans of quitting work now rely on SIL continuing to work, even PT, in order that they are still able to pay the bills? Because if this is only going to be doable for him if she keeps working, that does kind of undermine his case that she shouldn't expect him to continue in employment so she can have the lifestyle she wants.

If I was SIL I would say great let's both give up work and live on a pittance for the next 30 - 40 years, you won't be able to do your hobbies (can't afford it) and you will have to do half of the housework to make it fair.

A part time job and doing all the housework, cooking, shopping etc is pretty much the same as a full time job and doing none of that, so effectively they are 'working' the same.

The answer may be for DBro to reduce hours at work.

I would suggest that he has a couple of weeks leave and does all the housework, cooking, shopping etc and sees how much 'fun' it is.

if he spends extra money before pension - one it will affect his pensions both state & private future pension income - it will be reduced. He will and up with reduced income. two he may need this sum of money to increase pension even if he stays in work. he will land up poor and old. Why not look round for a job that he will enjoy albeit one which is lower paid & than change jobs

I understand her point. He's only 50. He's got another 17 years till retirement @ 67? That's a long time.

He should persuade his firm to drop his days to 4 or 3. Or look for another job. This old story of 'I can't move' jobs is just not true. Why can't you? Because the salary all the perks are good? okay but they are not flexible are they? they're not going to let you change or modify or reduce your hours, so they're not really the firm for you if those things /other things, are actually more important to you now. you can't have it both ways.

50 is young to retire, even in jobs where it's the norm (police, army) people work elsewhere afterwards. 55 or 60 is more usual (with work or private pension) with some part time work as well. He will not get state pension till 67 or later.
Can he get a year off and go back? Shame not to enjoy some money, travel? while healthy, not use it all to scrimp by getting on each other's nerves.

He needs to get a less stressful PT job. Anything. Stacking shelves.

But that means he still helps pay the bills and they can save most of the inheritance.

He can also start pulling his weight at home if he’s PT same as her (altho with kids left home it’s hardly much doing a bit of cleaning and shopping)

They then become equal.

State pension - has he got enough NI contributions for a full state pension?

So THEY have inherited a large sum of money ( married so belongs to both of them) and your brother is going to use it to make HIS life easier and his wife’s harder
I’m on Team SIL here

Ditto. Also who said anything about mental health? Many people hate their jobs. How is this a mental health issue of itself?

Even if he does do this, I bet he’ll be bored rigid in a year and be looking for another job - I think early retirement only really works if you have the money to enable you to fill your time with all the wonderful things you envisage doing with all that lovely free time.

In reality, most people can quickly lose purpose and want back into the workplace - we often have people apply who are in that position, most often from police/army where “retirement” at 50 is common.

Add in that they won’t have any money for extras - it’ll be a miserable 17 years! And it’s not like they’ll be able to jet off at a moment’s notice because a) there’s no money and b) his wife has a job.

He has a very good private pension that I think he can have from 55, he is planning to use this cash to live on until then. From her POV the cash would be better served supplementing his pension when he gets it. From what I can gather his job isn't causing him MH issues, I'm sure he would tell me if it was. He just hates it. It doesn't even sound that stressful (but I realise you can't really tell from the outside) he has a short commute and doesn't work long hours.