Cleaner is refusing to soldier

[biscuitbrown]

I've been lucky enough to have a cleaner help out once a week since my first DD was born, we pay her well and we've always been super flexible, she works the day that suits her (rather than a Monday or Friday which I'd actually like). I've always thought we we had a friendship based on mutual respect and flexibility. She's not English and I've gladly helped her with insurance claims/mobile provider issues / school issues /hospital appointments etc. We give her a generous bonus at Christmas, we look after her. I've just gone back to work 3 days a week (long hours) and we've taken the huge step of getting an au pair, which is the first time we've had any childcare. Our au pair is brilliant - capable, trustworthy, hardworking, helpful, she cooks when I'm working, keeps their rooms tidy, washes their clothes, babysits etc. We found her through an agency and they explained how it is a cultural exchange, gave us guidance on what you can and cannot expect an au pair to do.

Anyway to cut to the chase, we pay our cleaner well to clean the whole house. But now we have the au pair she outright refuses to clean her room. I am only asking her to vacuum and dust, not tidy or touch her things (and au pair is SO tidy). I asked her why (this was all on text) and she said the au pair is old enough to look after herself. She's 18. But cleaner is paid to clean all the rooms and has been doing so for years... AIBU?!

To be honest biscuitbrown you have been too soft with your cleaner right from the word go.
You have allowed her to call the shots by letting her to chose which day she works, when you have admitted a Monday or Friday would have suited you better.

You mustn't lose sight of the fact, as others have pointed out, that you are the employer and you and you alone decides what she does and does not do.

In your shoes I would sack her, explaining why, and get a new cleaner.

You sound very lovely to your cleaner hut are blurring the lines a bit in being so nice such that she feels she can dictate her terms

She chooses days that don’t suit you?
She refuses to clean a room used by a person she feels is inferior ‘staff’ to her?

I know it’s hard but you need to be firm and clear about what you are paying her for. It’s a business transaction.

The au pair has a job and is doing it well.
The cleaner less so.

Hi X I’m not happy and a bit confused about your reply- I would like you to clean all rooms of the house. It doesn’t matter who is using the room it needs cleaning and that isn’t au pairs job it is yours. I’d also like us to agree on a set day as the flexibility isn’t ideal for us. Let me know if a Monday or Friday is better for you and I’ll assume the top room will be done along with the others this week. Many thanks.

This business about people’s ‘culture’ meaning they can’t do this or that in a job makes no sense. Don’t take the job if you can’t carry out the requirements.

She's a cleaner, not a slave. Sure, pull rank and tell her she either does it or she gets her marching orders (see what I did there......) but if you get into this power struggle, be prepared to lose a good cleaner you can trust. You only have to read a few posts on Mumsnet to see how hard a good cleaner is to find.

Explajn you’ll pay her less since she’s not doing the full job. If a host family has a cleaner, it’d be extremely perth tonlrave out au pair’s room - I can't believe people suggest that’s OK. Au pair means equal by the way.

I’m wondering if maybe she’s jealous of the Au pair. She’s been the solitary staff to you for a long time, maybe she is feeling a bit put out.

And again!
Explain you’ll pay her less since she’s not doing the full job. If a host family has a cleaner, it’d be extremely petty to leave out au pair’s room - I can't believe people suggest that’s OK. Au pair means equal by the way.

I feel it's what someone else has also said, it's a status thing. Not only is she the cleaner for you the house owner, she's now the hired help for the hired help. Not saying it's right but I'm betting that's what it is.

We used to have a cleaner in London who would iron dh's things but not mine. He asked her why and she said "She can do her own!".

Yep she needs to clean the au pair's room.

Why doesn't the 18 year old with a part-time job clean her own room?
Why the hell should someone else do it for her?

My 18 year old has her room cleaned by the cleaner because I have decided that is what I want the cleaner to do.

I always thought au pairs were supposed to keep their room and the kids rooms clean?

The op and the au pair agree the duties. In this case, the op has not included cleaning her own room as one of the au pair's duties as she has a cleaner to do that.

Why should the cleaner be cleaning for her?
Because the op has decided that she wants all the rooms cleaned by the cleaner.

If she is, then she's the one who decides who to clean for, she is providing a service, NOT employed!

She has decided that she wants to clean for the OP. The op decides what needs cleaning, the cleaner accepts the job or goes and works for some else.

I wish we had a cleaner and an au pair. Not jealous at all.

My DM had a cleaner who decided what days she would work and what she would clean. She was supposed to be there 2 hours a week, we were lucky to get an hour and a quarters work out of her. She used to smile sweetly and just say finished each time. DM thought she was lovely, gave her presents for her and her family at Christmas and Birthdays. She was indeed a very pleasant lady but a complete chancer.

When DM sadly passed away one of my first tasks was to sack the cleaner. I wrote and told her, dressed it up and made it nice but said we didn’t need her anymore. She never replied which was silly as I might have then felt inclined to give her a little bonus to remember DM by.

I have had to sack two people in my working life. A colleague said she understood why I never got too friendly with people at work. Makes it a lot easier I replied.

OP, cleaner - tin tack.

Would cleaning the room involve much extra work now that it is occupied?

Perhaps cleaner could vacuum & AP does her own dusting for example?

Cleanershouldn't (imo) be doing a room less though.

OP, as lots of other posters have previously stated, she needs to either do her job as she always has done before, or take a pay cut.

I used to work as a nanny. If I was doing overnights, my employer would ask her cleaner to clean the spare room and put fresh bedding on for me. I would have happily done it myself, but my employers view was that the cleaner would do it if they had friends or relatives coming to stay, so she could do it when I was staying too, as it was part of what she was paid for. Cleaner never complained and we became firm friends. Your cleaner is being ridiculous.

bibster I'm not sure I want a cleaner and an au pair...It sounds way too complicated and stressful!!

So all of you saying the cleaner shouldnt clean the au pairs room.Would go in to work and refuse to do a task cause you felt it was beneath you that day.
Even if you had done the tasks previous days.?

This is why we have an anonymous agency dong our cleaning. Totally impersonal. Having individuals you end up getting sucked into their lives and it rarely ends well you feel guilty they take the mick you have to deal with their weirdness. One cleaner we had was an alcoholic who stole our booze and became obsessed with us. No thanks!

When we had a cleaner and an au pair we had this problem! In fact our cleaner, who had been with us for years and we had a great relationship with, became quite jealous of the au pair and in the end left us because of a misunderstanding with the au pair. They were both lovely but I think it was a weird power struggle. Since that year we have neither cleaner nor au pair!

Good luck with setting the boundaries straight. Although it is a job, remember she is a human and probably feels pride in her position in your family and maybe the au pair threatens this??

I read it as ‘soldering’ too. Ffs what’s the world coming to when you can’t ask your cleaner to undertake a little light welding every now and then

Could it be that the room didn't need cleaning before as it was an empty spare room? So she hasn't automatically added it onto her list of things to do now it's occupied?

I'm at work when cleaner is in the house. Hence the texting which is how we normally communicate when I'm working.

Thanks @doIreallyneedto for getting it.

Au pairs are meant to be treated as part of the family, I'm not comfortable with paying a cleaner to vacuum the whole house except hers?

She makes cleaner's life MUCH easier as she has DC's rooms immaculate, keeps the kitchen clean and tidy, folds and sorts washing that kind of thing. Plus she's sole carer for DCs when I'm at work, goes to language school three days a week, doing homework, applying to University in her home country etc. I don't resent her having her room vacuumed once a week. She's looking after my children when I can't.

This is from au pair world but the agency we used put it in stronger terms.

"An au pair is an unmarried young adult aged 18 to 30 years, who has no children and travels to a foreign country for a defined period of time to live with a host family. The au pair is considered as a full member of the family during the entire stay. As such, he or she helps the family with childcare and can be asked to assume some light household tasks. In return, the host family provides free board and lodging, as well as pocket money. However, the au pair is neither a housekeeper, nor a nanny.
The main purpose of the au pair placement is a cultural exchange, which gives the the au pair an opportunity to improve his or her language skills"

@Debruary I know?! What IS the world coming to?!

Simple principle here: he who pays the piper and all that. It's either the cleaner does as asked or find another cleaner.

YANBU.

Your cleaner is being paid to clean the house. If she doesn't do what you need her to then just find another cleaner. Maybe one who comes in on a day you actually want them to?

@bibster I know, but I work long hours, no family nearby, husband frequently abroad for long trips, young DCs, have gone back to work for financial reasons, but am lucky to be earning enough to cover costs of some help. We could never afford a nanny, but APs are relatively affordable if you are both working. Even though I'm part time I'm often consulting/freelancing/doing project work on my 2 non-work days.