Cleaner is refusing to soldier

[biscuitbrown]

I've been lucky enough to have a cleaner help out once a week since my first DD was born, we pay her well and we've always been super flexible, she works the day that suits her (rather than a Monday or Friday which I'd actually like). I've always thought we we had a friendship based on mutual respect and flexibility. She's not English and I've gladly helped her with insurance claims/mobile provider issues / school issues /hospital appointments etc. We give her a generous bonus at Christmas, we look after her. I've just gone back to work 3 days a week (long hours) and we've taken the huge step of getting an au pair, which is the first time we've had any childcare. Our au pair is brilliant - capable, trustworthy, hardworking, helpful, she cooks when I'm working, keeps their rooms tidy, washes their clothes, babysits etc. We found her through an agency and they explained how it is a cultural exchange, gave us guidance on what you can and cannot expect an au pair to do.

Anyway to cut to the chase, we pay our cleaner well to clean the whole house. But now we have the au pair she outright refuses to clean her room. I am only asking her to vacuum and dust, not tidy or touch her things (and au pair is SO tidy). I asked her why (this was all on text) and she said the au pair is old enough to look after herself. She's 18. But cleaner is paid to clean all the rooms and has been doing so for years... AIBU?!

You're paying your cleaner to clean your whole house which is all rooms?

I take it the au pair's room was a spare room and the cleaner would previously clean that?

Your cleaner sounds lovely but isn't doing the job you've paying her to do,you shouldn't have to convince her to hoover someone's bedroom.

If anything having the au pair around makes her job easier as the au pair is tidying as she goes along.

I'd be quite blunt and send a text saying we'd appreciate it if from now on all rooms of the house are hoovered and dusted as before including {insert au pairs name},thank you.If the cleaner refuses then you need to have a think about how much you'd like to keep her on if it's an issue or are you prepared to let it go?

No excuse for her not to clean au pair's room. She's taking the piss. One family i au paired for had a cleaner, i was asked if it was okay for cleaner to do my room (hoover & dust). Had i said no it would have been down to me, but cleaner was happy to do it as she was paid to clean! Never had a problem with being considered above her, i made her job easier as me keeping the place tidy meant she could get her bits done.

Stop being so pally with your cleaner, she's shown you that she is taking full advantage. I'd give her a choice; clean the entire house as she is paid to do, or you will deduct x amount from what you pay her. Ball is in her court then

No she shouldnt. An Au Pair is considered to be a member of the family, woudl you be saying that if it was the OP's 18 year old daughter who the cleaner was refusing to clean up after?

An aupair is not really a member of the family. It is theoretically supposed to be but is in fact overstating the reality of the host family-aupair relationship. The aupair is not a member of staff either. But the aupair is not a member of the family and that is what the cleaner perceives.

I would prioritise a good cleaner over an aupair, having had both. A good cleaner is a highly skilled and conscientious individual. Sadly I cannot say the same for aupairs.

A sensible aupair, one who is actually coming here for cultural exchange and is respectful to the family and boundaries, will totally understand if she has to clean up after herself in her own room.

A not-so-great aupair, with airs as to what she can or should not do and not too bothered about being an extra pair of hands to the family, may object to being left out of the free cleaning services.

Have you relied to her OP? I suggest you text back and firmly state that age has nothing to do with it, you and your DH are older than the au pair and she cleans your room. Point out that she always used to clean it and nothing has changed, and you expect it to be kept as part of the cleaning schedule. See what she comes back with.

What wiffle blueshoes. Why should this cleaners “boundaries” be respected they are certainly not the ops boundaries. Would love to see most employers reactions if their employee refuses to do a perfectly reasonable task obviously within the job spec for “cultural reasons”.

What wiffle blueshoes. Why should this cleaners “boundaries” be respected they are certainly not the ops boundaries. Would love to see most employers reactions if their employee refuses to do a perfectly reasonable task obviously within the job spec for “cultural reasons”.

It is precisely because I see the cleaner as an employee that I will make accommodation to keep a good one. I am a manager as well as an employee. People are complicated. I understand that dynamic between staff in a domestic situation and I am also sensitive to cultural differences. This is not a battle I feel is worth fighting, job spec or not.

Dear god this is a cleaner - supposed to make your life easier ! Bin and employ an agency then they manage their staffs foibles so you don’t have to

I should add that a cleaner is not exactly an employee. She is more likely to be self-employed. Hence, even more reason to treat her as a professional who draws her boundaries. If I don't like it, she will leave any way or I will no longer engage her. I can live with those boundaries, hence this cleaner continues.

The cleaner not cleaning the aupair's room does not make any difference to my life. The aupair just has to do it, which she has to any way. It is just that the aupair does not get the benefit of cleaning services.

It is not a difficult one to manage. I don't order cleaners around like a tin pot dictator just because she happens to work in my house. I am not one for low standards. My cleaning standards are pretty high and I know how to do a good clean myself. Hence, I will stick with the cleaner I like.

But where does the line get drawn? Today she won't clean the au pair's room, OP lets it go. Tomorrow it might be a different room for some batshit reason. Can't exactly kick off if you've let one room slide

The cleaner is paid to clean the whole house and she is refusing to do so when you have been more than flexible with allowing her to work to suit herself. I'd be saying that the whole house is cleaned as agreed or you'll find another cleaner. It's a no brainer.

Tomorrow it might be a different room for some batshit reason. Can't exactly kick off if you've let one room slide

Of course you can refuse another request if you feel it unreasonable. It is not 'kicking off'. It is merely telling the cleaner that you do not agree with that request. It is not a slippery slope. It is possible to manage staff and employees fairly and be firm where needed. Perhaps some people feel embarrassed to and stew and let things slide further and further. It is perfectly possible to consider each request on its own merits.

Can’t wait for DS14 to get home from school and refuse to do his homework or pick up his wet towel just so I can say in my best Jack Nicholson voice: Son, are you refusing to soldier?

Oh and the cleaner should clean the aubpair’s room.

Ha ha yes I might start saying that too! I initially thought the cleaner was ill but was refusing to soldier on.
I have RTFT and think likely she considers the au pair as hired help and not family but as the au pair does a lot of clearing up I think the cleaner should do as she is asked/employed to do and hoover the au pair's room.

That is very strange indeed. She is paid to clean what you ask her to clean! Its not like you are asking her to anything way above and beyond. I would ask her what her problem is with dusting and vacuuming a room she has already done in the past?

But this request is unreasonable! She cleans it when there is no au pair, so she should do it when there is. This whole 'lower than the au pair' crap wouldn't wash in any other work place!

The cleaner is a CF. End of

if you get into this power struggle, be prepared to lose a good cleaner you can trust.

A cleaner who decides to just stop cleaning part of the house without even mentioning it to the person paying for a full house clean is not 'a good cleaner'.

The cleaner is not a slave and can set terms, but they can't just change the terms already agreed without discussion and agreement of the OP.

I'd give one more chance then get a cleaner who actually cleans as agreed!

If the cleaner does not clean the aupair's room when she previously did so, there are lots of other tasks that can fill the gap so she still continues to do the full hours - removing limescale, wiping fridge shelves, cleaning inside cupboards, washing out waste bins, the list goes on. Alternatively, you could reduce her hours but I suspect that would save you 10 mins at most.

Seems odd that the cleaner feels so strongly about this that she is prepared to risk her job over it . Or she thinks poor op is such a pushover (busy hardworking mum) that she can get away with throwing her weight around.

blueshoes presumably OP has set tasks she wants doing for a reason. The cleaner doesn't suddenly get to pick & choose what she does - and i echo above; deciding not to do something without any consultation with OP does not a good cleaner make

This is all terribly British isn't it ?!!

A woman is employed to clean a house. She later refuses to clean one of the bedrooms occupied by an au-pair, and the employer (OP) comes on here asking what she should do!!

I’d be prepared to lose the cleaner.
You’ve been extremely accommodating to her, she doesn't get to tell you she’s now not cleaning a room because she feels someone else should do it

As a personality type, I'd say good cleaners are proud, conscientious and thorough people. They take pride in their work, scrubbing away and going into corners and areas no one even notices. Hence, if the cleaner seems a little OTT in not doing certain things which hurt her pride and self-respect, I can understand that and live with her terms.

If it were a rubbish cleaner, I'd give her her marching orders for setting those limits.