Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I lied to my husband

125 replies

Newtobusiness · 05/02/2019 21:35

I lied and therefore I am being unreasonable. But to what extent?

I promised my husband that I wouldn't ever get lip fillers. He's strongly against putting filler into my body and it's a bad idea, looks terrible e.t.c.

So when I have previously expressed interest, he was quick to make me to promise not to get filler or Botox done.

Two days ago I had lip fillers ... So I broke the promise.

He didn't actually noticed that I have had them done.
(I only had a very small amount put in. Enough so that I personally notice a difference and I'm really pleased)

He was scrolling on my phone and looked at my photos where I had taken some selfies Blush just after the treatment. I wanted to see what they looked like in a photo at different angles Blush

He saw the photos... He's not happy... he told me I am breaking the trust between us. I don't think he is going to talk to me for a week. He has form for giving the silent treatment. (I find this really cruel).

How long should I expect the silent treatment for?Is my dishonesty really that bad in the grand scheme of things?

Feeling shitty about myself. So AIBU is possibly not the best place this evening. Anyone got some constructive advice on how I can handle this situation?

OP posts:
callieisdoingit · 05/02/2019 21:37

It's your body so why let him tell you what you can or can't do to it?

Igotthemheavyboobs · 05/02/2019 21:38

I don't think it's bad you got the fillers but why did you promise you wouldn't? Your body your choice my dear. My dp hates botox, I regularly tell him this is tough shit, if I decide to get it, it will be fuck all to do with him

CarrieBlu · 05/02/2019 21:38

Not sure what to advise, other than to tell him to fuck off - it’s your body, you can do what you like with it. Also, what’s with him going through your phone? Aren’t you entitled to any privacy?

I’ve always found that those who like to preach about trust are usually the ones who are actually least deserving of it.

FadedRed · 05/02/2019 21:38

I think you have a bigger problem than lip fillers.

LoopyLou1981 · 05/02/2019 21:39

You weren’t unreasonable to have it done. You were unreasonable to promise that you wouldn’t and then do it.

Notever · 05/02/2019 21:40

You shouldn't have promised that. Its your body and as long as you're paying for it with money that isn't needed elsewhere then it's got nothing to do with him.
He can advise you but he should respect your decision to go ahead with it.
He seems a bit controlling to be honest making you promise.

Original poster
Newtobusiness · 05/02/2019 21:41

I think it's more that I lied :-(
I promised I wouldn't get my lips done because he thinks it looks ridiculous.

And he basically caught me out lying.

I don't think he's going to talk to me for a while now. But I don't know how to handle the silent treatment. Usually about day 3 of not talking I flip as it's driving me crazy. I end up saying something spiteful and I am even more the bad person.

OP posts:
Klopptimist · 05/02/2019 21:44

OK, so you've broken a promise but let's put that to one side for a minute. I'm wondering this:
Why does he think he can tell you what to do with your body?
What was he doing going through your phone?
Why does he often give you the silent treatment?

You don't have a trust issue. I think you might have a DH issue though.

Starlighting888 · 05/02/2019 21:44

I think people are missing the point, although it’s your body what about if he went out and got a tattoo on his forehead and said it’s my body don’t be so controlling.

It’s about trust in a relationship you should have told him beforehand to lump it you was getting it done. I’d be annoyed about the lying.

My husband has excatly the same views in Botox/fillers etc. I wouldn’t stop me but if would tell him beforehand (as I was leaving for the appointment). That said sulking for a week is childish absolutely don’t let him think it is bothering you and put an end to that!

tinkerbellla · 05/02/2019 21:45

Don't let him make you feel bad, you haven't done anything wrong and it's your body. There are so many things in the world to waste time on getting worked up about and this isn't one of them. Just explain how you feel and if he's still sulking it's just a bit pathetic.

NotBeforeCoffee · 05/02/2019 21:45

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. My FIL does it to my MIL for weeks if she upsets him. It's awful. Means she's always scared to say anything to him.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 05/02/2019 21:45

What do you mean he 'made you' promise?

I think a 'I'm worried about the long term health effects of these treatments as they're relatively new and there are a log of unregulated practitioners - please tell me you're not seriously considering it!? You're beautiful as you are' is fine. I think a 'I don't like this so you're not doing it, I prefer you looking this way, now promise me you won't do I (implication being he will sulk til you do) is controlling.

I guess in general you shouldn't promise someone something if you deliberately break that promise and then try and hide it. But it depends if you were pressured into making that promise in rhe first place as to how unreasonably you or he is being now

silkpyjamasallday · 05/02/2019 21:47

All you can do is apologise for lying, but then explain that he cannot expect to make decisions about what you do with your body and your money. Maybe wait a while until you're both feeling more rational then sit down to discuss. If he hadn't noticed until he saw the photos then he doesn't really have a leg to stand on, I can understand being upset if your partner changes their appearance with something you don't like (piercings, tattoos, Botox, fillers etc) but it's not your place to decide whether or not someone can do something to themselves.

Villanellenovella · 05/02/2019 21:48

Getting the lip fillers is worse than lying.

MyOtherLifeIsAFairytale · 05/02/2019 21:48

You weren’t unreasonable to have it done. You were unreasonable to promise that you wouldn’t and then do it.

This ⬆️⬆️⬆️

Original poster
Newtobusiness · 05/02/2019 21:50

He was on my phone as he was helping me out with an issue. I'm not sure why he started looking at my photos. To be honest I think he was doing this mindlessly.

He often gives the silent treatment when he's exasperated by me. I frustrate him as I'm quite scatty and have a lot of things going on right now (good things- a baby and a toddler and a new business venture. So I have been a little stressed and busy lately.)

He didn't talk to me for a few days last week as he isn't satisfied with the amount we sleep together. More specifically, that I don't initiate things myself. We do sleep together at least once per week and do other things 3-4 times per week.

OP posts:
AmIRightOrAMeringue · 05/02/2019 21:50

Silent treatment is OK if one person needs time to cool off or gather their thoughts and doesn't want to have an argument in the heat of the moment. They can say they are too angry to talk right now. Often people need to sleep on something to gain perspective.

Silent treatment for days at a time is more than this, it's a punishment for misbehaving. I'd ask if you can talk it through as nothing is being resolved while he sulks. If it continues I think the best thing to do is act like it's not a pu ishment and it's not bothering you - act like you would do if he wasn't there, go out for meals / drinks / cinema with friends and have a nice time. Use the peace and quiet to read a book. I imagine he'd stop if he is having a worse time than you

Lemoneeza · 05/02/2019 21:52

as a pp said, the silent treatment is emotional abuse. it is possible to ride it out though. just act like you're not bothered and don't acknowledge his sulking . keep a cheerful face on. speak to him every now and again without expecting a reply eg "I'm off to work, have a good day bye".

sounds like you do have a dh problem though

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 05/02/2019 21:52

The more you say the worse he sounds. Instead of discussing issues and coming to a compromis he is using childish behaviour and removing privileges of his company / conversation to try and manipulate your behaviour. He is trying to pressure you to have sex to keep the peace. I can't imagine anything less sexy tbh

Original poster
Newtobusiness · 05/02/2019 21:53

You weren’t unreasonable to have it done. You were unreasonable to promise that you wouldn’t and then do it
Absolutely. I don't dispute this.

OP posts:
FlagFish · 05/02/2019 21:53

I can’t stand people who sulk and give you the silent treatment. I think what your DH is doing is worse than what you did.

Craftycorvid · 05/02/2019 21:54

I’m worried that your DH thinks the ‘silent treatment’ is any way to deal with the situation or his feelings. Adults in healthy telationships talk to one another when there’s a problem or an issue. Adults don’t, in my experience, ‘make’ each other promise things, especially about what is a personal choice. Lying as a way to manage things is also not a very adult response. If you read back through your posts perhaps you will see that you and your DH don’t seem to be communicating like adults,but more as if he is the parent and you the child. If so, this is about you as a couple not the lie; you seem used to the ‘silent treatment’ and that’s not great.

FiveRedBricks · 05/02/2019 21:55

YABU for getting lip fillers. Ffs. Look at the state of women who have them 10yrs down the line.

They look like a dried up duck 😲

LMBad · 05/02/2019 21:56

He sounds like a controlling prick OP, and instead of getting over this lie and realizing he was being unreasonable to demand what you do and don’t do with your body, I suspect he will hold this over you for a long time as another way to control you.

My husband doesn’t like Botox either but not so much that he has noticed that I’ve quietly had it a few times. My choice, not his.

category12 · 05/02/2019 21:57

Wow, he gives you the silent treatment over lack of sex? That's so sexy. Hmm

He sounds like an arsehole.

Swipe left for the next trending thread