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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I lied to my husband

125 replies

Newtobusiness · 05/02/2019 21:35

I lied and therefore I am being unreasonable. But to what extent?

I promised my husband that I wouldn't ever get lip fillers. He's strongly against putting filler into my body and it's a bad idea, looks terrible e.t.c.

So when I have previously expressed interest, he was quick to make me to promise not to get filler or Botox done.

Two days ago I had lip fillers ... So I broke the promise.

He didn't actually noticed that I have had them done.
(I only had a very small amount put in. Enough so that I personally notice a difference and I'm really pleased)

He was scrolling on my phone and looked at my photos where I had taken some selfies Blush just after the treatment. I wanted to see what they looked like in a photo at different angles Blush

He saw the photos... He's not happy... he told me I am breaking the trust between us. I don't think he is going to talk to me for a week. He has form for giving the silent treatment. (I find this really cruel).

How long should I expect the silent treatment for?Is my dishonesty really that bad in the grand scheme of things?

Feeling shitty about myself. So AIBU is possibly not the best place this evening. Anyone got some constructive advice on how I can handle this situation?

OP posts:
sirmione16 · 05/02/2019 23:23

I agree with PP, yes he has an opinion and an input and a right to discuss it with you however at the end of the day it's not his choice. I wouldn't feel guilty personally, and I'd tell him it's made me happy and it isn't harming anyone so he needs to accept it's something I want to do - such as wearing make up or dying my hair a certain colour

mrsmuddlepies · 05/02/2019 23:25

Found it Grin

To not sleep with my husband because I hate his moustache? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3437387-to-not-sleep-with-my-husband-because-i-hate-his-moustache

gingerscot · 05/02/2019 23:37

@Japanesejazz - you and me both!!

Purplecatshopaholic · 05/02/2019 23:41

I have zero interest in my OH's opinion about botox. I pay for it, and its my body. He likes me to look good and what he doesnt know doesnt hurt him...OP if your OH is giving you the silent treatment only you know how that normally works out - is that his normal way if dealing with things? is he 12?

NunoGoncalves · 05/02/2019 23:47

  1. What's the point of paying for a procedure that even your husband can't tell has been done? Seems kind of pointless.

  2. At least you can tell him he was wrong about it "looking ridiculous", since he didn't even notice you'd had it done.

LittlePaintBox · 05/02/2019 23:48

You changed your mind about getting lip fillers - that's hardly the crime of the century. But the 'silent treatment' is controlling and emotionally abusive. Your husband sounds immature, to say the least.

PrismGuile · 05/02/2019 23:50

He's allowed to not like them but it's your body, your choice. He doesn't have a right to tell you what to do with your body, he does have a right to leave if he doesn't like it.

PrismGuile · 05/02/2019 23:51

Also the silent treatment is a form of abuse, coupled with his control issues I think he's the problem not you.

PrismGuile · 05/02/2019 23:52

And breaking your word isn't a lie, a lie is when you've already done the bad think and cover up the deceit. You just changed your mind.

PrismGuile · 05/02/2019 23:55

He often gives the silent treatment when he's exasperated by me. I frustrate him as I'm quite scatty and have a lot of things going on right now

More abuse flags... makes you think it's somehow your fault that he sulks and doesn't speak to you, that you're scatty and crazy and he's just exasperated by it. No, he's manipulating you.

He didn't talk to me for a few days last week as he isn't satisfied with the amount we sleep together. More specifically, that I don't initiate things myself

That is sexual coercion, and fucking disgusting.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 05/02/2019 23:56

mrsmuddlepies I've had a look and I don't see this as abusive in the same way. There's no suggestion of silent treatment just no sex which she has every right to refuse.

I do think its ridiculous though, both cases are ridiculous. It's the silent treatment in this case that makes his behaviour controlling.

I can't imagine caring this much about what my DH did with his own body

garethsouthgatesmrs · 05/02/2019 23:57

also
He was scrolling on my phone and looked at my photos where I had taken some selfies blush just after the treatment.

why was he scrolling on your phone?Did he ask permission first or does he look at your phone regularly, do you have access to his?

PrismGuile · 05/02/2019 23:58

@Villanellenovella yes he can get a tattoo on his face... it's his face. OP can't control him doing that, she can leave him if she dislikes it. Those are the rules.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 06/02/2019 00:01

I think you should be allowed to be who and what you want. Do what you want bella, but cover your tracks...

If you are allowed to do something you don;t need t cover your tracks - that's the point.

jessstan2 · 06/02/2019 00:01

I don't like fillers but you said you only had a little bit done so I'm sure it looks good - no trout pout - and if it makes you feel better, why not? It's your body. You were silly to promise him you wouldn't do it but he'll get over it.

Did it hurt?

FunkyKingston · 06/02/2019 00:02

Lip fillers aren't my cup of tea, but i wouldn't want to control someone to such an extent i would male them 'promise' not to get them, because it is their body and their lookout.

He seems a right bellend to be honest.

JasperKarat · 06/02/2019 00:08

Can you afford it? The only reason for him to be justifiably against this is if the money spent was for the gas bill/mortgage etc . If you paid for it yourself out of spare funds YANBU . Even if you do look like a duck it's your choice to.
I used to work with someone who had her hair done every month , nails, tan, all kinds of body wraps, facials, Botox, fillers, new range rover on HP, but ended up going bankrupt having accrued so much debt, her DH actually did stand by her but I wouldn't have blamed him if he didn't. She'd lied about her earnings, bonuses that didn't exist and the debt she was getting herself into.

RomanyRoots · 06/02/2019 00:17

Stop making promises you can't keep.

NotTheFordType · 06/02/2019 00:19

When he gave you the silent treatment last week because he thought you should give him more sex, did it work? Did you fuck him just to get him to talk to you?

Bellasorellaa · 06/02/2019 04:01

Erm excuse me point me to the part where it says your husband owns your body

Graphista · 06/02/2019 04:19

I highly recommend you read this thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3448545-Confronting-DH-about-his-sulking?reverse=1

It's abusive behaviour ESPECIALLY wrt sex! Wtf!

Personally I'd be giving him a final warning "cut the the abusive sulking/pouting over lack of sex crap or get out!"

And follow through what a twat!

cushioncuddle · 06/02/2019 05:24

It's not acceptable to do the silent treatment.

People may need a couple of hours away from someone and then come round.

What he is doing is punishing you psychologically which is not acceptable ever.

So there isn't an acceptable length of time.

Why did you say you wouldn't have it done.

Why is he looking through your phone.

Why did you feel you couldn't tell him what you were doing.

Is he like that normally.

Lots of red flags

Shoxfordian · 06/02/2019 05:42

He sounds controlling. Also sexually coercive.
Don't put up with this shit anymore

HomoHeinekenensis · 06/02/2019 05:43

Genuine question. How is the OP's husband supposed to show his disapproval here though? He is allowed an opinion. He hasn't flown into a rage or worse. They had a conversation and an agreement. There is no evidence the OP was coerced into agreeing she would not get this procedure. The OP has done the polar opposite to what she agreed and he is angry. All this 'Your body, your rules' stuff! What OP should have done is had another discussion with him not done exactly what she said she would not do ffs.
OP's DH, just like all of us will have seen utterly ridiculous trout pouts and quite possibly knows his wife is (as she described herself) 'scatty and has a deep fear that she will have something along those lines even if that is not her initial intent. 99% of these terrible outcomes are not what the patient was expecting no matter their protestations to cover face. I can see the DH's point of view. I would be bloody angry with my DH if he did something like this. If he opened the subject again and an adult conversation was had then great. Doing what the OP has done is really really not great.

Posters saying to throw him out etc. Are you serious? He probably feels like he has no say about many things but this is not over the colour of a new cardi from Marks! His thinking is black and white here. Rightly so because a promise was made. He will feel undermined. For all we know this is another in a long line of other incidents put down to 'scatty'.

HomoHeinekenensis · 06/02/2019 05:46

Going silent and huffy can be seen as abusive but the OP would not have changed much had she said, 'My husband flew into a terrible rage over.......'

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