Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Birthday Party his Football

150 replies

SKK01 · 05/02/2019 11:27

Hi, am I been unreasonable. I am looking at having my birthday party but DH says it clashes with a weekend when he was planning on taking the kids to Wembley to watch the football. The party isn’t on my birthday it’s a few weeks later, DH thinks that I should move the date for my party as the date for the football is fixed. I have said no, he has said that both him and the kids will therefore be going to the football, as it’s not everyday you get to go to Wembley with your kids to watch your team play. Should I compromise and move the date, or dig my heels in and see what he chooses.

OP posts:
Somethingsmellsnice · 05/02/2019 12:51

Especially as the party is a few weeks later. Why???

YABU

LagunaBubbles · 05/02/2019 12:52

You still haven't explained why you chose that date for your party though given its not your actual birthday? Because I read it as you picked it deliberately because its the same date as the football.

Beckyboo123 · 05/02/2019 12:52

YABVU but I think you have already made your mind up and going to go ahead anyway. I don’t really see the point of this as you clearly think you are in the right.

shitholiday2018 · 05/02/2019 12:53

Yeah, the issue isn’t the football, find the real issue and deal with that.

InSightMars · 05/02/2019 12:54

I think you should absolutely plan your party for that day then if your DH’s team don’t get through he and the dc will have nothing better to do than attend your party. Although then you’ll never know for sure if they would have chosen the team or you; that uncertainty will always eat away at some small part of you.

Or you could just grow up and stop with the manipulative ‘prove yourself by jumping through my hoops’ games and arrange your party for a different date.

daisypond · 05/02/2019 12:54

The football has priority - not because it's football, but because it's an event that can't be changed and it will be exciting for the DC. The party can be another time.

MrsJane · 05/02/2019 12:55

Why are you so set on this particular date OP?? If it's not your actual birthday and if you can actually move the date, I would move it!

Then the children can do both and everyone is happy.

Wembley is a set date, he's not in control of when the football is on, so it's not his fault really?!

This sounds like a non-argument... 🤷🏻‍♀️

liverbird10 · 05/02/2019 12:58

I'd love to go to the football for my birthday instead of some stupid party.

spectacularly misses entire point of thread

babysharkah · 05/02/2019 12:59

Just change the date of the party. You're being very precious and unreasonable.

AcrossthePond55 · 05/02/2019 13:05

So basically you purposely chose that date as a 'test'. That's really shitty. My BFF's 'd'H does this; sets her little 'tests' to check her reactions or see if she does what he thinks she should do. Then when she invariably 'fails' (because the tests are set up for her to fail) he berates her or 'stores it up' to use in an argument.

I'm not saying your DH is the epitome of husband-hood, but you aren't coming off sounding so good yourself. The two of you either need to learn to communicate or if he's 'that bad' you need to divorce.

OutPinked · 05/02/2019 13:05

YABU. Change the date of the party since it’s ‘a few weeks’ away from your actual birthday Hmm.

Huntawaymama · 05/02/2019 13:05

Yabu, spiteful and petty. Why are you trying to force him to choose when you can do your party anytime?

PregnantSea · 05/02/2019 13:06

YABU

goldengummybear · 05/02/2019 13:06

This has to be the husband posting as his wife.

Wife is very unreasonable. She might not like the husband but she's dragging her kids into her relationship test which is super unfair. Kids should get to enjoy both. Cup Finals at Wembley are a big deal to footie fans and will end up being a childhood memory that the kids will talk about for the rest of their lives. The wife is a bloody adult. If she must have a birthday party (is she 8?) then she needs to grow up and move the date. It's not fair on anyone to set up an argument like this.

SassitudeandSparkle · 05/02/2019 13:08

So he's failed the test you set him. Which is probably what you wanted all along, so what is your next step now OP?

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 05/02/2019 13:08

OP while I understand you want to be put first I'm not sure if this is the time to take a stand.

I think you should move your party-DC get to do both. It's your DC that will benefit and I think as a Mum we do often compromise things for our DC I once got a trampoline for my birthday

MrsTommyBanks · 05/02/2019 13:12

or dig my heels in and see what he chooses

Why would you put anyone you care about in a position where they have to chose between their children and you? That's just nasty.
FWIW I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with anyone that put me above their children.
If you are not mature enough to deal with the fact his children will always come first, then frankly, you shouldn't be in a relationship with a parent.

JemSynergy · 05/02/2019 13:12

I'd change the date.

babysharkah · 05/02/2019 13:15

I doubt the op will come back.

BarbaraofSevillle · 05/02/2019 13:17

Is this a unanimous AIBU?

Inertia · 05/02/2019 13:19

If there’s a significant reason why your party has to be that day, such as that being the only day that family visiting from Australia can come, you might have a point. But you’ve deliBerately set this up to cause a row .

If he always puts you last , then stand up and be counted over something meaningful.

cstaff · 05/02/2019 13:28

@BarbaraofSeville I haven't seen anyone agree with her so I think you may be right. I doubt she will be back tbh. I certainly wouldn't after a response like this.

ChesterGreySideboard · 05/02/2019 13:30

Well if you are going to act like a child then I hope your birthday party has party games, balloons and jelly and ice cream.
Don't be so silly. You DH might well be a dick to you all the time but this is a dick move.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/02/2019 13:32

If I did this with dh he’d go to the football. But I’d never do this. That is, unless I had a very very valid reason in which case dh would attend my party.

If you’re unhappy, you’re picking the wrong battle.

KurriKurri · 05/02/2019 13:33

I think you have decided this is the hill you want to die on - and that is that. You;ve set a test you know he will fail because you want to bring things to a head and have everything explode.

This is a situation that most people would easily resolve by putting your birthday party on a different day. Your birthday is a moveable feast, the Wembley match isn't. It's not really a proper test - as it is unfairly weighted againt your DH.

But then I think if you have got to the point where you are setting tests, then you have already dropped into the 'not a good relationship' zone. If you want to use this as a get out for your relationship, that's up to you, but be honest about your real reasons for digging your heels in - even if you are only honest with yourself.