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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Birthday Party his Football

150 replies

SKK01 · 05/02/2019 11:27

Hi, am I been unreasonable. I am looking at having my birthday party but DH says it clashes with a weekend when he was planning on taking the kids to Wembley to watch the football. The party isn’t on my birthday it’s a few weeks later, DH thinks that I should move the date for my party as the date for the football is fixed. I have said no, he has said that both him and the kids will therefore be going to the football, as it’s not everyday you get to go to Wembley with your kids to watch your team play. Should I compromise and move the date, or dig my heels in and see what he chooses.

OP posts:
Loughers · 05/02/2019 11:59

Get prepared for further drip feeding from OP.........

RB68 · 05/02/2019 11:59

You are being a diva

easyandy101 · 05/02/2019 12:00

If you want them at your party then move it

CaptainJaneway62 · 05/02/2019 12:00

I would change the day of your party...BUT book yourself a Spa/Relaxation Day for the day of the Wembley football game....even if they don't get through that's another treat for yourself instead of having to look as his miserable mug if they lose!! Grin

Contraceptionismyfriend · 05/02/2019 12:01

@Loughers I always side eye a drip feeder. Like they're over exaggerating things to win the argument.

Bet the next post paints him as the biggest twat this side of the channel.

SushiMonster · 05/02/2019 12:01

WTAF?

Choose a different party date.

Drum2018 · 05/02/2019 12:02

Have an adult conversation with your Dh about his priorities but don't bring the kids into it. Your plan to organise your party on purpose for the same day you know he is hoping to be in Wembley is petty and manipulative. Grow up.

mummmy2017 · 05/02/2019 12:04

So you asked on purpose to find out.
If he is that into football you knew what he would say
Also it is not your birthday party, as it is not on the day.
Pick your fights, is what I was always told....
Hey darling you know the football is on X day. What do you think about me having a party the week after, and I can have a day shopping while you have the children....

PrimalLass · 05/02/2019 12:07

It's a bit silly to have a birthday party a few weeks away from your actual birthday.

JonSlow · 05/02/2019 12:08

Football would trump a flexible birthday party on my priority list too.

PazRaz10 · 05/02/2019 12:08

You already know his answer so it's not exactly fair. I would have sympathy if the football was on your actual birthday, but you can't decide to have it two weeks after if there is a clash.
I'd also have sympathy if you had booked up something and then he told you he was going to the football instead, but you haven't.
Choose your battles, I'm not sure this is one worth fighting.

ItsJustASimpleLine · 05/02/2019 12:11

My husband and I clash over the importance of football a lot but if I hadn't booked anything for my party I would move it in these circumstances as it would be a great experience for the kids. That said if it was just him going, hes an adult he should be able to prioritize that while the game may be important unless its once in a lifetime family should come first.

BarbaraofSevillle · 05/02/2019 12:11

Tell you what OP, why don't you just ring up Wembley and get them to move the date of the match so you can have your party on some random date nowhere near your birthday for no reason at all except to 'test' your DH.

Or you could be reasonable, pick another day for your party, let your DH take the DCs to the match, if it happens and then use the childfree time to do something nice for you. Nice lunch with friends or whatever.

loobyloo1234 · 05/02/2019 12:12

YABU and you know it. Wembley is potentially a one off. Your birthday not so much. The children will prefer Wembley. Stop being selfish

Jux · 05/02/2019 12:12

Don't play silly games. You chose the date as a test - bloody stupid. Doing something 'just for you', making it on a date which you are going to 'lose' on, whining that it then proves that dh is selfish blah blah blah. STOP.

Be the sensible one. You can't put your children through the Choose-Me Dance, not if you want to be reasonable.

If you just want to 'win', then ok carry on.

donquixotedelamancha · 05/02/2019 12:13

DH has always put himself 1st and not always treated me well.

a) Decide you can't forgive him and leave.
b) Talk through your issues, come to a resolution and stick to it, but don't keep past resentment hanging over you both.

Whatever you decide, it's not at all unreasonable to want to take his kids to a big game- move the party.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 05/02/2019 12:14

You don’t seem to like each other very much. You tested him. He failed your test. Would you really want a birthday party where some of the guests, possibly even your own children, are attending it but wishing they were somewhere else?
It’s not really about parties/football is it? It’s about your DP not treating you as though you really matter. And the truth is, even if he agreed to the party date now, it wouldn’t solve anything.

Senioritafamiglia · 05/02/2019 12:14

Sounds like you are creating an unnecessary problem which will only result in a power struggle. I would suggest you address issues in your marriage such as feeling your wishes are not valued in another context, i.e. direct conversation.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/02/2019 12:15

Just change your party date.
TBH I can't understand normal grown up people making a fuss about birthdays anyway, not unless it's a big zero one, and even then it's very often others making the fuss on their behalf - whether they actually want it or not.

Birdsgottafly · 05/02/2019 12:16

So your children are caught in your crossfire?

That's shit of you. Put them first. Wembley is a massive deal and enjoying something with just your DH is as well.

Lose the pettiness and address any issues properly, or get out of the relationship. This crap is what really effects children.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/02/2019 12:18

If you want to test your husband (setting aside how childish that is) I'd advise you test him when there's two immovable dates, not just one.
Yabu.

WaxMyBalls · 05/02/2019 12:19

Why would you deliberately choose a date that clashes with something he and the children might want to go to? If it was your actual birthday I could understand and might well take your side depending on the particulars, but you're being ridiculous. Choose one of the 362 days of the year that isn't the FA cup semi final or final.

JacquesHammer · 05/02/2019 12:20

So I wanted to see what choice he made again this time

Stop playing childish games. Especially when your children are caught up in it.

Move the date of your party, allow your children a breadth of experiences.

Don't be a martyr and don't make your partner choose - because given the choices you've allowed him, you won't like the outcome.

LunaAzul · 05/02/2019 12:21

Is it for the cup final end of Feb or is it just because DH supports Spurs/DH’s team is playing Spurs?

Though either way it’s not actually on your birthday so you could just move the celebration surely?

SaturdayNext · 05/02/2019 12:21

I want to finally do something for myself.

And you can do that on another day.

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